


Burnt Skies

by orphan_account



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: (between Jet and Zuko), AU, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angry Zuko (Avatar), Angsty Zuko, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Suki, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), I add tags as I go bc I'm horrible at planning, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Lots of it, M/M, Minor Sokka/Suki, Mostly Sokka/Zuko, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Protective Sokka (Avatar), Slow Burn, Sokka has anxiety, Sokka is a good boy, Suki is the best, Zukka AU, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko is bad at feelings, bad Jet, eventually, figured i should add theres a fair bit of swearing, i guess, lil bit of violence, updated regularly cause i have no life, zukka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-01-16 20:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 57,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sokka, with dread, realises his new roommate is the beautiful boy he ran over in the hall."if you truly loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> zukka au because you can never have enough zukka!! comments and feedback is greatly appriciated. <3 (:

**ONE**

* * *

Sokka stumbled through the heavy metal doors on the bottom floor of a huge building, his soon to be new home. He lugged his bags along, huffing when the door slammed shut behind him. Sokka stared down the corridor, a smile creeping up on his cheeks. His first day. He’d left his sister and father in the parking lot and now he really felt free, alone in a dingy old dorm apartment block. This was it; he was staring university and he got into his favourite degree and he had a roommate waiting for him and everything. Sokka had been dreaming of this day for _months_ and it was finally here.

  
With a determined smile on his face, he dragged his bags over to the elevator, pressing the button. Sokka’s excitement grew as the numbers slowly counted down to one. Almost too giddy, he near skipped into the elevator, thanking every god in existence that no one else was in there, because, goddamn, Sokka might just pee himself in excitement.

  
But when the elevator opened again to his floor and Sokka rushed out, he smacked right into another body, who flung back with a loud _oomph_.

  
“O—Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he stuttered, reaching a hand out at whoever he knocked over. And my god, when his victim lifted his head, Sokka just about passed out.

Two honey-coloured eyes looked back at him, curtained by the silkiest black hair Sokka thinks he’s ever seen in his whole life. Those eyes were so undeniably breathtaking that Sokka almost missed the gnarly red scar that tightened one of them near closed. Almost. His eyes travelled to down to the boy’s lips and, god help him, they were the most beautiful shade of Venetian Sokka knows he’s definitely ever seen, ever. They looked so kissable, despite the raging scowl pulling them down. Then he was standing up, (unfortunately) without his help, and Sokka was ready to be dwarfed by this fine specimen, but the boy stopped just at his shoulder. Now, Sokka graced himself in knowing he wasn’t all that short, not a giant either, but this guy was short. Like really short._ It just makes him so much cuter,_ Sokka thought, and couldn’t help but smile.

  
“Watch where you’re fucking going.” His voice. Sokka swears he almost had a heart attack. It was so deep and raspy and angry and Sokka knees are going to give out if he keeps thinking about this guy. He has to leave before he does or says something stupid.

  
“Sorry!” Sokka whines and grabs his bags again, taking off down the hall.

  
Scrambling for his phone, he opened his welcome email that detailed his room number. 57a. Sokka scanned the halls, looking left and right until he found it. Stopping right in front of the door, Sokka sighed. He was about to do this. All the nerves he suppressed on the way here were bubbling up again, lumping in his throat. He was sharing this room with someone else. What if they hated him? What if they thought he was annoying? Or what if Sokka hated them? _No_, he reasoned, shaking his head softly. It was going to be fine. Sokka was a nice person, he knew that much, and he’d never struggled to make friends in the past. So, what was he so worried about? Maybe that he’d bump into that beautiful man again and further make a fool of himself. Or maybe that guy was going to be his—_no. He couldn’t be_. Sokka knew that if that was the case, he would just have to take his things and run. He could not function properly if that guy was his roommate. Not only was he gorgeous, but he was kind of an asshole. I mean, Sokka didn’t intend on running into him, he was just excited. _And so that guy had no right to be as rude as he was in return,_ Sokka reasoned. _Right?_

  
Sokka figured he should probably open the door now, instead of just blankly staring at it in the middle of the hall, bags of his belongings surrounding him. So, he reached out but stops again. Is he supposed to knock? _Shit._ Sokka’s nerves get the better of him so he fumbles through the contact list until he reaches his sister’s name.

  
_ “Sokka? What did you do this time?”_ Sokka’s offended.

  
“Wow ok, I was just wondering if you’re supposed to knock when you have a roommate? Or can I just go in? Like I know it’s my home too but what if he’s changing or something? I mean how big are the rooms in here? Do we even have separate bedrooms? I should’ve prepared better for this; I think I’m just gonna come home and try again tomorr—”

  
_ “Sokka don’t be stupid. Just open the damn door.”_ And then she hung up.

  
Sokka grumbled curse words at her under his breath before pocketing his phone and deciding to knock. Nothing. So, he knocks again, louder this time. Still nothing. _Guess I’ll just go in_, he thinks and pushes the door open slowly.

  
The lights are off, but there’s a hint of soft sunlight glowing through the curtains on their only window that illuminated the small apartment just enough for him to take in his surroundings. To his right was a small couch and tv, and Sokka grinned like all get out when he saw his roommate's Xbox. He even had two controllers. Sokka knew then and there that very little work or study was going to get done if his roommate played Xbox. To his left, he saw two doors, one open, the other closed. Sokka peaked into the open one and saw a plain single bed, a desk and plain walls. _That must be my room,_ Sokka thought, _the other must be my roommate’s_. Sokka walked in and threw his bags on the floor, deciding to set up later as he wanted to keep looking around. As he left his room, Sokka found the light switches that controlled their main living space. As light flooded around him, Sokka could see their small, shitty kitchen and a table, fit for 4 in the corner, near the window. Sokka couldn’t help but smile at his little setup and prayed to anyone who would listen that his roommate was nice enough and enjoyed it too.

  
Sokka decided to look through the kitchen to see if they had any utensils. He loved to cook and was looking forward to creating some interesting meals for him and his roommate. But, to his dismay, the kitchen was practically empty, bar the half-melted plastic spatula and a few bent spoons and forks. Not even any knives. Sokka decided then that he would treat his roommate to some nicer utensils, as just about anything could be better than bent forks. Sokka then stopped in his tracks, puzzled about how his roommate could even own bent utensils. He must be an angry dude…

  
Sokka’s heart lurched as he heard the door open and close behind him. He spun around to meet what he assumed to be his new roommate but almost screamed when he met those honey coloured eyes once again.

  
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Sokka swallowed hard. The guy from the hall.

  
“I—I guess you’re my roommate?” Sokka said quietly, an edge of anxiety to his voice. The boy rolled his eyes, and, dropping the bags of food he was holding, marched to his room, slamming the door closed behind him.

Sokka throat clenched. How and why and what the hell was he going to do about this? _Call Suki!_ He grinned and thanked his brain for coming up with such a brilliant idea. Suki would put him in a better mood and give him an excuse to get out of this goddamn building. He ran to his roommate’s door and yelled that he was leaving, and without waiting for a response, took off out of the front door, closing it with a sigh. He leaned against it and scrolled through his contacts once more, landing on probably the sappiest contact name he had. _‘the best person in the world <<<<333333’_

_ “Hey Sokka, how are you?”_ He closed his eyes and smiled.

“Hey Suki,” his voice sounded so sickeningly sweet and he cringed for himself at how lovestruck he was for this girl. All reminders of his stupid, cute roommate left his mind, replaced by that of his beautiful girlfriend. Her short, soft hair and warm green eyes sent Sokka’s stomach on a roller coaster.

_“Did you find your apartment ok? How’s the roommate?”_ Her voice was so gentle and loving and Sokka couldn’t help but think how stupid he was to be swept up by his rude-ass roommate when he had someone so precious and special in his life.

“Yeah, I’m here now. My roommate sucks ass, he’s really mean.” Sokka’s aware of how much of a baby he sounds like right now, but he can’t help but melt into child-like wonder whenever he talks to his beloved girl. She laughs gently through the phone and Sokka can’t help but grin.

_“I’m sorry to hear that my love. Did you want me to rescue you by inviting you over?”_ She croons and Sokka’s stomach does flips again because, god, he loved this girl.

“That is absolutely the only reason I called you right now,” he replies, before adding, “and because I love you lots and like hearing your voice.”

_ “You’re such a sap. Get over here, I’ll text you the address,”_ she teases, and pauses, adding her own soft, _“I love you too.”_

Sokka lets her hang up and waits for his phone to buzz, all the while inviting the warm feeling he gets whenever Suki says anything remotely nice to him, especially I love you’s. Sokka reads the text but freezes when he hears the door open behind him. He stumbles backwards, before being shoved on his feet again.

“Next time you talk to your girlfriend,” his roommate hisses, “try and do it quietly.” And the door is slammed back in his face.

Sokka blushed, hard, and turns away from the door, stumbling as quickly as he can to the elevator.

. . . .

Once he reaches Suki’s flat, he bangs on the door harder than he ever has in his life, because he’s so stupidly excited to see his girlfriend again. They’d only been apart for a week, but, to Sokka, a week was like a whole year. The door opens and Sokka doesn’t even look at who opened it before lurching forward and scooping the person up in his arms.

“It’s so good to see you,” he mumbles into the person's hair but snaps his eyes open when he doesn’t smell that fruity, warm shampoo that belongs to his Suki, instead smelling jasmine and earth.

He jolts away and stares, realising his mistake. He can hear Suki giggling behind the small girl and he looks in horror as his eyes rake over her. She’s short, much shorter than Suki and has much darker hair. Her eyes are greyed over and she has a menacing smile.

“Nice to see you too, Suki’s boyfriend,” the girl giggles out before pulling her shirt down, (Sokka’s an enthusiastic hugger), and stepping to the side, allowing Suki to be greeted properly.

“Sorry,” Sokka mumbles before he’s caught in the sweetest, most innocent kiss he’s ever received from his love. It’s welcoming and warm, and Sokka can feel her smile against him as he melts into her touch.

  
“Hi Sokka,” she whispers as she pulls away.

Sokka’s hand runs across Suki’s jaw, retracing skin he’s already explored thousands of times before. He was reacquainting himself with his beautiful girl when a cough erupting next to him makes him retreat his hand in embarrassment.

“This is Toph, my roommate,” Suki introduces, and all Sokka can do is idly smile in her direction, because he just can’t take his eyes from his girl.

In the few days she'd had been gone, Suki had changed so much. Her hair had grown a bit longer, getting scruffier around the edges of her face. Her eyes were framed by small wrinkles, indicating the unending happiness she experienced when they were apart. But Sokka wasn’t jealous that this Toph girl was making his Suki smile so much, because he was just so damn happy and proud that his girl had found such a good friend. He hoped that he could eventually have that with his roommate, but that thought didn’t last long as he realised Suki was looking at him expectantly.

“W—What? Did you say something?” He blubbered, pulling his attention back to the real world. Suki giggled at him and gestured towards Toph, smiling at him with reassurance in her eyes. “O—OH! Oh, hi. Sorry. Hi.”

Toph just laughed and walked away, back into their flat, leaving the two in their own little world again. Sokka smiled contently as he wrapped an arm around Suki’s neck, pulling her into another kiss, so sweet he was sure his teeth would fall out.

“I missed you,” Suki whispered into Sokka’s ear, her breath tickling his neck, making him shiver slightly.

“Me too,” he replied softly, burying his face in his girlfriend’s neck. He couldn’t fight the smile that pushed at his lips.

  
No matter what was going on in his day, Suki was always a shining source of happiness for him. _Always_. All was well again in Sokka’s world as his Suki pulled him inside and led him to her room, grinning all the way.


	2. two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another chapter? because i actually really like writing this?

**TWO **

* * *

Sokka returned to his dorm late that night. He was still drunk on love after spending the whole evening stealing kisses with Suki. But when he stumbled through the door, less gracefully than he had hoped, he froze. His roommate, who he still didn’t know the name of, was sitting on their small couch, wrapped in a blanket, hood covering most of his face. The lights were off and the only thing illuminating his beautiful pale skin was the television. Sokka recognised the air horn immediately and his mouth dropped.

“Are you watching hockey?” He blurted out, not even bother to say hi. His roommate jumped, too entranced in the game to even realise Sokka had come home.

“God, fuck don’t—” He sighed. “Yeah, I am. Vancouver is playing Anaheim.”

Sokka grinned and made his way to the couch, shoving his roommate over so he could sit down as well. His roommate got the hint and shuffled over, before unwrapping himself and offering Sokka some blanket. Sokka was almost surprised at the gesture but gladly took some anyway.

They sat in silence for a while, both intently watching the game, awkwardly trying not to notice how close they were forced to sit on this stupid, tiny couch. Sokka couldn’t help but relish in the warmth of the boy sitting next to him, how he smelt like vanilla and hot guy and _was that…? _A little bit like weed? Sokka found himself smiling as he relaxed further into the couch, legs crossed beneath him. He was so close to the boy that he could feel the soft skin of his arm, brushing against Sokka’s own whenever he shuffled to readjust himself.

“I’m sorry about before—”

“What’s your—”

They spoke at the same time, breaking the silence between them. The game had gone to an ad break and Sokka thought he’d better at least know the name of the person he was going to be living with. The name of the person he was cuddled up next to on the tiny couch. They both stuttered back to silence, though, and Sokka could swear he could hear the guy’s breathing hitch in his throat.

“S—Sorry you go,” Sokka mumbled, keeping his eyes fixed to the screen because he had a burning feeling that if he locked eyes with this specimen, he might just kiss him. _Suki, _he reminded himself, _you have Suki, stop thinking about your roommate like this. _

“I, uh, I was just gonna say that I’m sorry I was rude to you earlier today.” His voice broke Sokka’s thoughts. It was _so soft and quiet. _“I just—I had a fight. With my partner. And it put me in a really shitty mood. So… I’m sorry.”

_Partner… _Sokka shook his head. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Sorry for bumping into you,” he said with a smile. The boy returned it, but it seemed so insincere.

They sat in silence again as the game came back on, but Sokka yearned for the conversation to continue. He liked talking to his new roommate, he decided. _Well, only when he’s in a good mood, like now. _

“My name is Zuko, by the way.” Sokka smiled. “I knew you were gonna ask me, so I thought I’d—”

“Sokka,” he said, interrupting Zuko’s rambling. Sokka’s heart started beating faster when Zuko gave him another smile, a genuine one.

Sokka thinks they’ll get along just fine.

. . . .

Sokka woke the next morning with a groan. He was lying face down in his bed, still in his clothes from the day before, even the shoes. He sat up; confusion rife on his face because _he was watching tv. He didn’t come in here afterwards. _He heard a blender buzzing loudly in the background and Sokka groaned again because what time was it? How damn early did Zuko wake up?

_Zuko. _He smiled. He remembered how they were talking last night, random comments about their past lives as they watched the game, bonding over liking the same team and how many times they saw them play in person. Sokka got out of bed with a smile on his face and walked into out into their main living space.

He saw Zuko in the kitchen, back turned to Sokka. Behind him was a chopping board, covered in various fruits. Sokka’s mouth watered.

“Hey,” he found himself saying, smiling lightly as Zuko jumped in his spot, turning around as fast as he could. Sokka expected to see Zuko smiling back but frowned when he was met with the same scowl as when he first saw him.

“Stop scaring me like that,” Zuko hissed, giving him one last glare before turning back to his smoothie.

So maybe he was more emotionally up and down than Sokka originally thought. Because last night he seemed so soft and open and now he was right back to the way he was when they had first been introduced.

Sokka thought his bad mood was just because it was so early, but as the morning progressed and they both rose from their sleepy states, Zuko became more and more hostile towards him. Snapping whenever Sokka was in his way, slamming doors and grumbling swears. Sokka was almost relieved when his roommate grabbed his backpack and slammed their front door, leaving to go to class. Since Sokka had gotten in only the day before, his classes weren’t scheduled until after the weekend.

Finally having time to himself, Sokka decided to unpack.

. . . .

Sokka was in the kitchen when Zuko came back. He fought the urge to turn to face him, give him a welcoming smile, say hi. But as he focused on his cooking in front of him, he noticed how Zuko came and sat on one of the chairs that lined the countertop that Sokka was using. Zuko didn’t say anything, and neither did Sokka, but he pulled out his laptop and just started to type away quietly. He didn’t have to work here, he had his own desk after all, but Sokka smiled anyway because he chose to work there. So, they could spend time together.

Neither of them said anything, just both going about their business, cooking, working, just being around each other for the sake of it. Sokka cursed himself for feeling so comfortable with this, for relishing in how _normal _this felt. He loved Suki and he loved hanging out with her, but he felt so at home in this moment and he couldn’t stop sneaking glances at Zuko. But then Sokka stopped in his tracks and stared at the boy sitting in front of him. Gawking at him, Sokka noticed how Zuko shifted and looked back at him, raising an eyebrow, because _goddamn it _Sokka was still staring.

“What?” Zuko mumbled, breaking Sokka’s thoughts.

“You—You wear glasses?” He squeaked, almost screaming at how _freaking adorable _Zuko looked.

“Yeah… only when I’m working…” he trailed off, obviously uncomfortable with all of this newfound attention.

Sokka shook his head and swallowed hard. “Uhm, they look… nice? You look good,” he stuttered, mentally slapping himself for how weird he sounded.

“Uh, thanks,” Zuko mumbled and went back to typing.

Sokka just smiled awkwardly and turned his back to Zuko, scrunching up his face and groaning internally about how stupid he was, and how stupid he probably looked just gawking at Zuko like that. And then his stomach dropped. _Oh no, _Sokka thought, _he probably thought I was looking at his scar. _

“I wasn’t looking at your scar,” Sokka blurted, before realising what he said.

He turned around just as Zuko visibly tensed. He was sat frozen, his fingers hovering over his keys, eyes blown wide and mouth hanging open slightly. Sokka cursed himself under his breath and began to stutter out an apology.

“I—I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that… I mean it's true, but still. I shouldn’t have—” He was cut off by Zuko slamming his laptop lid shut, so hard Sokka thought he was going to shatter the screen.

The chair Zuko was sitting in screeched along their tile floor as he stood up and turned to storm out of their dorm. Sokka called after him but was met with nothing but the door flying shut and a deafening silence, bar the pounding of his heart in his ears. Sokka stood frozen in the kitchen, the meal he was cooking abandoned. He swallowed hard and felt tears well up in his eyes. He didn’t realise he had gotten his phone out and dialled Suki’s number until he heard her calming voice through the phone.

_“Missed me already?” _She giggled but stopped when she heard Sokka’s ragged breathing. _“What happened? Are you okay?”_

“I fucked up,” Sokka blurted out, before choking back a sob he didn’t even know was coming.

_“I’m sure everything’s fine, my darling. Can you tell me what happened?” _She eased, her voice so sweet and caring and Sokka felt even more guilty about everything.

“I—I—Zuko just… I just,” he stuttered, unable to string together a sentence. His knees felt weak and his heart was beating so fast he started to sweat. “I just… he left—I said something stupid, I—”

_“Sokka, my love, I need you to take a deep breath, okay? You’re getting yourself too worked up. I’m sure… Zuko is fine,” _she reasoned, sounding confused as to who Zuko was.

Sokka felt like screaming, and his cheeks were getting hot because now he was crying, and _god damn _sometimes he got so frustrated with himself.

_“Sokka? You still with me?” _Suki’s voice was dragging him back, the light that pushed back against his tunnelling eyesight.

“I—Yeah, I’m here,” he whispered and heard her sigh out of relief.

_“Do you need me to come over? Or do you want to do this by yourself?” _Sokka sighed in confusion and swallowed, trying desperately to wet his rapidly drying mouth.

“I can do this,” he mumbled. “But please stay on the phone.”

_“Of course, anything for you.” _And Sokka just kept feeling guiltier and guiltier for thinking about Zuko the way he had been.

Suki was so good to him and he was thinking about someone else, worrying about someone else, _near sending himself into a panic attack because of someone else. _He felt his eyes well with tears again and he choked on a sob, because why did Suki have to be so good to him.

_“Can you follow my breaths, Sokka?” _She asked quietly, before taking a long and slow breath inward.

Sokka mimicked her breathing and soon enough his heart rate had settled, and he stopped crying and his nerves went away but he was just left feeling like pure shit, the hole in his stomach growing deeper and deeper. Suki was talking to him softly about her evening after he had left, trying to take his mind to a better place, but all Sokka could think about was Zuko and it made him feel so unbelievably terrible, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“I—I think I should go,” he interrupted. Suki stopped talking with a hitch of her breath, and Sokka squeezed his eyes shut _because she was just trying to help but he couldn’t stop thinking about someone else. _“I’m just… I’m gonna have a shower.”

_“That’s alright Sokka.” _Her voice was so loving and Sokka felt his thoughts slip back to his girl. _“Did you want to play Apex afterwards?” _

“Yeah,” he smiled. “Thank you, Suki. I love you.”

_“I love you too Sokka, don’t forget that.” _And he hung up, wanting nothing more to than to throw his phone at the wall and curl up and die.

But instead, he turned the stovetop off, leaving all of the food where it was, and sauntered towards the bathroom.

. . . .

Sokka felt miles better when he got out of the shower, his brown skin tinted pink from the heat. His hair was out of its usual ponytail and hung over his face, and Sokka was just too tired to care. He stumbled to his room, all of his energy drained and wearily climbed into his pyjamas. He rubbed his hand over his face in exacerbation, because he’d only been here for two days and already his fucked things up with his roommate and he’s fucking things up with Suki and all he wants to do his go home and see his dad and Katara and Aang and just go back to the way it was before he left.

He moped his way into the living room, headset in hand and turned on the tv. Surely if he was careful, Zuko would let him use his Xbox. So, he grabbed one of the remotes and turned it on, plugging in his headset. Sokka cringed at his username, _wolf_canuck_sokka_99_. He just never had the $10 to change it when he needed it.

He opened Apex Legends and smiled when he got invited to Suki’s party chat. Sokka immediately regretted accepting the invite when he heard Aang screeching over the mic.

“Sokka!” He cringed again, too tired for Aang’s enthusiastic greeting.

“Hey man, how are you?” He replied quietly, smiling softly when he heard Katara in the background telling Aang to shut up.

And as he chatted with his friends and got some sick wins, Sokka felt his mood pick up, only just, and he played well into the night with a smile on his face, seemingly forgetting all about Zuko, not putting any thought into the fact that said roommate didn’t come home. 


	3. three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone stop me,,  
and i love suki id date her

**THREE **

* * *

Sokka woke up on the couch, remote still in hand. The Xbox screen was idle, showing a blaring _3:37 am. _Sokka cursed softly and put Zuko’s remote back on the table, leaving his headset plugged in. The party chat was ended, and the Apex home screen was staring back at him as he turned the Xbox off, then the tv. Sokka was halfway to his bedroom when the door swung open. Sokka jumped around, ready to fight whoever it was, but felt his stomach drop when he saw Zuko in front of him, leaning against the door frame.

Zuko’s pupils were blown wide and his eyes were red and this time Sokka couldn’t just smell a hint of weed, the boy _reeked. _Sokka swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes following his roommate and Zuko stumbled past him, forgetting to shut the door. Sokka thought he saw a patch of purple forming on the side of Zuko’s jaw that wasn’t covered in angry, red scarring. But instead of saying anything, Sokka just closed the front door, locking it, and looked back at Zuko, anxiety fluttering over him once again.

He searched for something to say but was utterly stuck at how fucking _sad _Zuko looked. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his eyes were glossing over, and Sokka can honestly say he’s never seen someone look so disappointed in themselves before now.

Zuko opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, his cheeks flushing red. His bottom lip started to quiver and Sokka was praying that he wasn’t about to start crying, because he had no idea what to do and he was scared himself. He forced out a sigh, however, and edged closer to Zuko, trying not to be too fleet in his actions, as to not startle his roommate. Zuko head snapped up to look at him, eyes wide and seemingly involuntarily cowered backwards. Sokka’s heart lurched at the sight of him, curled in on himself, shaking ever so slightly, looking at him with the most frightened expression someone could ever possibly make.

“I’m sorry,” Zuko whispered, his voice so shaky and weak that Sokka almost missed it. “I thought you would be asleep… I’m sorry.”

“Are you ok?” Sokka asked, ignoring the apology. He heart was beating so quickly, he thought it might just stop.

“I’m fine Sokka, I’m sorry if I woke you up,” Zuko mumbled, his voice cracking on the last few syllables. Zuko was wringing his hands and Sokka could see more purple forming around his wrists.

“Where were you? What happened?” Sokka questioned further but he regretted his pushing as soon as he saw Zuko’s eyes well with more tears. “I—It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me anything.”

Zuko looked relieved, if anything and gave Sokka the _weakest _smile that made his heart break. Sokka just silently motioned towards Zuko’s bedroom, hinting that he should just go to sleep and so they could worry about whatever was going on, whatever happened, tomorrow morning. Zuko got the hint and retreated to his room, head hanging low as he walked away from Sokka.

“Fuck,” Sokka whispered under his breath, releasing all the tension in his body. _Time for me to go to bed too, _he thought and shakily closed his door behind him.

. . . .

When Sokka woke up, the dorm was quiet. He’d almost expected to have heard Zuko making another smoothie, but upon remembering how out of it he was when he stumbled home last night, Sokka could forgive him for still being asleep. So much had happened to him over the past two days that he would forgive _himself _for still being asleep right now.

Pushing himself out of bed, Sokka didn’t bother getting dressed. It was Saturday anyway; he didn’t have to go anywhere. He strode out into the living space and found himself smiling as he saw Zuko curled up on the couch, head leaning back, and eyes closed softly. _He was sleeping. _But Sokka shook his head, scrunching his face up at the thought that Zuko looked ridiculously cute right now. Instead of making too much noise while trying to make breakfast, Sokka decided he’d ask Suki out to breakfast.

He was getting dressed when his phone buzzed, and he became giddy when he saw it was from Suki.

_From / the best person in the world <<<<333333_

id love breakfast, see you soon x

He grinned and tied his hair back, thinking about how it was probably time to shave the sides again as they were getting a bit long.

. . . .

Sokka was staring at his beautiful girlfriend, his usual activity, as she chattered on about her first week in class, and all of her new friends, and Toph, and he was just so blown away at how he managed to land such an incredible girl. His hands were being warmed by a coffee and his mouth was still sweet from his pastry and his heart was so full and his stomach was swarming with butterflies, and _shit. _He was so happy. He must have looked super zoned out though because soon enough Suki was waving her hand in front of his eyes and smiling softly at him.

“Whilst I’m pleased that you look so incredibly enthralled in what I’m saying, I really don’t think you’re listening to me,” she teased, her hand grazing Sokka’s cheek. Sokka melted at her touch, closing his eyes softly.

He saw her blushing when he reopened his eyes, which made him smile. He was so lucky and screw anyone who tried to tell him otherwise. Suki had to be one of the best things he’s ever had the pleasure to experience. She was loving, and kind, and funny, just the right amount of sassy.

“I just love you so much,” he found himself confessing, staring at her with the mushiest expression made.

“You’re too much,” she mumbled, her cheeks flushing a deep red.

_Red like Zuko’s lips. _Sokka sat back in shock of how his own brain could betray him like this. Suki quirked an eyebrow at him, a playful smile still resting on her lips. Sokka swallowed hard as the girl in front of him morphed into his grumpy roommate. Instead of her sweet smile, he saw a sad pout. Her forest green eyes were now molten gold. Her sun-kissed skin was white as a ghost. His mouth tasted like ash now.

“Sokka what’s wrong?” She asked, pulling him out of his trance.

“I—I don’t know… Forget it, it’s ok,” he mumbled, looking down at his hands in disgust.

“Okay… if you say so.” She sounded worried, so Sokka looked back up and gave her a reassuring smile, which she more than happily returned. “So, who’s your new roomie? Is he nice?”

Sokka almost choked. “Uh, yeah, yeah, he’s cool. Um, he’s the one I mentioned before… Zuko.”

“Oh.” She looked a bit taken aback. “Is he nice to you? Do you get along fine?”

“Yeah, it’s—we’re fine. He’s a bit bipolar, but I can deal with it.” Sokka stumbled over his words, trying as hard as he could to seem indifferent towards him, but the look on Suki’s face told him that he wasn’t doing a very good job.

“Sokka… Do you think he’s attractive?” She smiled at him, despite asking a question that Sokka thought she surely wouldn’t have wanted to ask.

He didn’t know where this was coming from. For starters, he’d never _ever _mentioned anything to Suki about his bi-curious feelings, and secondly, how on earth did she guess?

“Uh, what? W—What do you mean?” He replied, obviously knowing exactly what she meant.

“Sokka don’t play dumb. I know you like guys too. It’s fine, really. It just means we can talk about cute guys we see, right?” She giggled but Sokka was just too bewildered to understand what she was saying.

“You—You’re not mad?” She shook her head. “Why not?”

“Sokka, I’ve always had a thing for women. I thought I’d made that pretty clear. So who am I to say that you can’t have a stupid little crush on your roommate? As long as nothing happens, we don’t have anything to worry about, right? I trust you.”

Sokka just sat there, mouth hanging open. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was sure he looked like an idiot. He knew he felt like one. His _girlfriend _just found out that he kinda thought his _male roommate _was attractive. And now, on top of everything, his _girlfriend _just told him that she’s willing to listen to him talk about said roommate. He was shocked but relieved. Relieved that Suki wasn’t flipping out on him for looking at someone else. But definitely still shocked.

“I—wow. Okay. Uh…” he trailed off, not quite knowing what to say. She just giggled and leaned forward.

“So, tell me about him. What does he look like? How special does this guy have to be to make Sokka switch teams?” Sokka just looked at her with a very _what the fuck _expression. “Go on, tell me! I wanna know who I’m up against.”

“Uh… he’s got hair,” Sokka stopped, mentally face-palming at how stupid he sounded. Suki nodded expectantly, egging him on further. “I—It’s really dark and silky and it's just long enough to cover his eyes a little.”

“Cute, cute, keep it coming,” Suki encouraged, smiling wickedly at him.

“He—His eyes are this really pretty honey colour… and he’s pale… and um, he’s got really nice lips.” Sokka said that last part much quieter than the others. But Suki still caught it.

“Right, so, tall, dark and handsome?” She giggled. “Wow, Sokka, such a basic taste.”

“H—He isn’t tall,” Sokka blurted out. Suki sat back and raised both her brows, a sign for him to continue. “He’s a similar height to you.”

“Well… I’m glad we have some similarities,” she teased, offering Sokka a hand. He took it and she rubbed her thumb across his knuckles. “You don’t have to worry about this Sokka. I don’t mind, really, I don’t. I know you’re not going to do anything stupid without saying something first.”

“I just… I just don’t want you to think that I like him more than you… I don’t actually like him at all, he’s a bit of a dick,” Sokka trailed off, looking at Suki with such sorry eyes.

“Mm, I remember you saying so. Then there’s nothing to worry about, right? It’s just infatuation, my love. He’s someone new and exciting and you’re very much allowed to be swept up in his allure. But if you don’t like his personality, then you’re just pining, crushing, and that’s fine. You’re allowed to find other people attractive, Sokka. It’s quite normal,” she assured, smiling sweetly at him all the way.

Sokka sighed and nodded. It’s just a crush. He didn’t _like _Zuko. Just thought that he was attractive. He was something new. His mulled those words over and over, for the rest of their breakfast, and at the end of it all, he went back home feeling better about himself. More than when he left, or when he got there, and he felt more assured in his love for Suki, and his little crush on Zuko.


	4. four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yikes,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sorry i feel like the chapters are getting shorter as i go, i try i try)

**FOUR **

* * *

The next two weeks went by like a breeze, nothing too special occurring in either of Sokka’s love interests. Sokka’s so-called crush on Zuko was repeatedly ignited and dampened out by his roommate’s bipolar attitude. One moment, they seemed like friends, and the next, Sokka was being pushed aside and belittled and yelled at. Zuko continued to come back late almost every night. Various bruises popping up every other time he stumbled, completely inebriated, through their front door. Sokka thought he should probably make Zuko talk about it sometime or another, but he was so hesitant after the hurt look on his roommate’s face the last time he tried.

But now, much to his surprise, Zuko was sitting across from him on their little table, face buried in a curry Sokka had just made.

Sokka liked to think he wasn’t one to freeze up every time anyone did something he thought was cute, but watching Zuko so fixated on this curry, making small noises of pleasure was honestly _so _endearing and all he could do was let his spoon sit idly in his hand as he stared at the boy in front of him.

“This is so good, Sokka,” Zuko mumbled between bites, now looking up to meet Sokka’s gaze, eyes flickering gold in the low autumn sunset. “So fucking good.”

Sokka pretended that Zuko’s words didn’t immediately go to his pants and plastered a smile on his reddening face. Zuko just smiled back before returning to stuffing his face. Sokka thought it would be a good idea to get stuck in, rather than have another incident of making Zuko uncomfortable with his gawking.

The thought had crossed Sokka’s mind numerous times now, that if he _did _just have a dumb infatuation with Zuko, it would be over by now, especially since the guy’s only actually nice to him about 3% of the time. But, watching him hunch over his meal, hair falling out of his bun and into his eyes, cheeks flushed softly due to the heat, Sokka just about called it quits on brushing his feelings for Zuko off.

“Did you—Do you want to play Modern Warfare with me?” Sokka found himself asking. Zuko froze and looked up at him with a confused expression. Sokka mentally facepalmed. “You don’t have to! I just thought, since you have an Xbox, and it just came out and…”

“Sure,” Zuko replied, much to his surprise. “I, um, yeah. That’d be nice.”

Sokka smiled and nodded, looking back down at his curry to avoid Zuko seeing him blush like crazy. He didn’t even know why he was so excited, or why he was so nervous, or why he had to like his stupid roommate so much. He had Suki, they were still together, and yeah, recently he felt her growing a little more disinterested, but they were still in love, and she still made time for him. Maybe he was just compensating? That didn’t sound too ridiculous. Suki had been holding out on him more than usual, so maybe it was just his dick that was so interested in Zuko at the moment. That happens… right?

“How long have you been playing Xbox for?” Zuko asked casually, and Sokka just about grinned down at his meal at the fact that he was trying to make conversation right now.

“I—ok, you’re gonna hate me for this, but I kinda used to play ps4…” Sokka let himself sit in the awkward silence he left, before looking back up to meet Zuko’s horrified stare.

“How dare you…” He gasped and Sokka just frowned at him, throwing his last speck of naan bread at Zuko’s head, laughing as he nailed his roommate square between his eyes. Now it was Zuko’s turn to pout. “I can’t believe you used to play ps4, you trash piece of dirt. I had high hopes for you.”

And just that was enough to send Sokka’s heart to his throat, a blush now very prominent across his cheeks. He heard Zuko laughing again and now his chest was tightening because it was so unbelievably nice to hear his roommate happy, even if it was at his expense.

“Whatever, just hurry up and finish so we can go play,” Sokka grumbled, with a smile still pulling at his lips.

“That won’t be very hard,” Zuko replied, kicking at Sokka’s shin gently. Sokka just smiled.

. . . .

When they’d both finished at all the dishes had been washed, (which had enlisted a lot of unnecessary, cute groans from Zuko), they settled down on their tiny couch, squished so close that their shoulders bumped whenever they moved. Sokka couldn’t help but feel lightheaded as he relished in Zuko’s vanilla-hot guy concoction. Ever since that first time they sat this close, Sokka found himself looking for any reason to get this close to his roommate. He’s even started to help tie his roommate’s hair up, because, in Zuko’s defence, it had never been this long before. But Sokka didn’t care if he was lying, because it gave him an excuse to run his fingers through Zuko’s luscious black hair.

“Motherfucker!” Zuko screamed, and Sokka felt like he got whiplash from how fast he was pulled from his own little world.

Bringing his attention back to the game at hand, he noticed how Zuko just lost a 3 on 1 shoot-out. He smirked and made quick to downing the 3 enemies. He felt Zuko elbowing him before hearing mumbled curses emitting from a cranky pout.

“That’s not fair, why are you so good at this stupid game?” Zuko muttered, not really expecting a reply, but got elbowed back instead. “Hey!”

“What?” Sokka asked innocently, flashing him a cocky grin. Zuko just rolled his eyes.

Sokka felt his chest warm as they played the night away, getting closer and closer on their _stupid tiny couch_. Eventually, he heard Zuko yawning and smiled softly as he stretched out and let the controller lose in his hand, leaning his head against Sokka’s shoulder. He felt Zuko mumbling against his shirt, but didn’t take much notice to what he was saying because, _oh my god, _his breath was so hot on Sokka’s skin and his lips were just wet enough to dampen his shirt and—Sokka sat up straight, jostling Zuko awake. He stood up and swallowed hard, using his removed sweatshirt to hide his tightening pants. Zuko quirked an eyebrow at him but didn’t seem too fussed because he stood up too and turned off the appliances.

“You alright?” He asked softly, looking up at Sokka with curious, yet sleepy eyes. Sokka almost groaned.

“Y—Yeah, I’m good, just, y’know, really tired ‘nd shit,” he mumbled back, trying not to meet Zuko’s gaze.

But when his roommate took a step closer to him, he couldn’t help but shoot Zuko a confused look. Zuko just smiled and shrugged, taking another hesitant step forward. He could almost feel Zuko’s breath against his cheeks as he lifted his head towards Sokka, looking so soft and curious and… _hopeful? _Sokka could only offer a weak smile in return, feeling his own breath pick up ever so slightly. Zuko was so close to him and from here, Sokka could see the freckles that danced across his nose, and the chapped skin on his lips, and the dark circle underneath his one good eye, and _Jesus, _he smelt so sweet and felt so warm and Sokka was about to do something so incredibly stupid if he didn’t step back.

And Sokka couldn’t help it, _hell _he didn’t even notice when his hand lifted from his side and found its way to Zuko’s equally pink cheek. Zuko just looked back at him, like a deer in headlights, and Sokka was sure that his expression mirrored that. He swallowed hard when he saw Zuko inch his own hands over to Sokka, letting one rest on his outstretched upper arm, the other grabbing at the shirt on his chest. Sokka wasn’t thinking, he couldn’t think, it was like his brain had faltered and crashed because soon his forehead was leaning against Zuko’s and their lips were _so close _that he could almost taste the curry on his roommate’s breath.

But all of a sudden, their moment was over. Zuko stood back with a shocked expression, his face even paler than it had been before. Sokka throat went dry and the only thing he could hear was his heartbeat and the name _Suki _repeating over and over again. His hands started to sweat, and his breath quivered in his chest. Sokka gave Zuko an apologetic, heartbroken look before scrambling for the front door, letting his body sag against it as it closed behind him.

And, not unlike many times before, he was shakily dialling Suki’s number, trying desperately to moisten his mouth.

_“Sokka? What’s going on? It’s so late.” _He woke her up. _Fuck. _

“I—I did something stupid,” he blurted, squeezing his eyes shut as hard as he could.

_“Can it wait until tomorrow? I’ve got to get up early for class,” _she mumbled, but it didn’t seem like she was putting up much of a fight so Sokka just decided to bite the bullet and tell her straight up.

“I almost kissed him.” The line fell silent. Sokka didn’t even know if he could hear her breathing anymore. But then he heard ruffling like she sat up in bed. “I—I didn’t… but… almost.”

_“Sokka…”_ She began, but before anything further could be said, Sokka interrupted.

“I—I know. Bad decision. I didn’t know what I was doing… I was just carried away and I—b—but I didn’t do anything. I stopped. I know its wrong, and I’m sorry and I—”

_“Sokka, shut up please.” _She didn’t sound happy. _“I need to get up early, and I need to think about this before I say anything to you. I’ll call you after my class tomorrow, okay?”_

Sokka clenched his eyes shut, even harder than he’d been doing before, tears slipping past and onto his cheeks. “I—I’m sorry, I love you, Suki.”

_“Goodnight, Sokka.” _And she hung up.

Sokka found himself slumped against the door, his knees to his chest, lulling himself to sleep.


	5. five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jet *angry face*

**FIVE**

* * *

Sokka wakes up with a pounding headache, and a stiff neck, and a sore back. He blinks in confusion, willing his eyes to focus on his surroundings. Then, as soon as his vision recovers, so do his memories of the night before. _He almost kissed Zuko. Suki was mad at him. _Sokka felt like he was about to cry, no, sob. For once it wasn’t just an accident, he actually did this, and as much as he wanted to deny it, he was in full control of the situation. Sokka shouldn’t have asked to have a meal together, he shouldn’t have asked to play videogames, he shouldn’t have let him lean on his shoulder, he shouldn’t have just let him come closer and closer, and—

Sokka, once again, fell backwards as the front door, which he was leaning _all _his weight on was swung open. He groaned as his head hit the floor, but felt his breath catch as he saw Zuko looking down at him.

“S—Sorry, I, um, I didn’t know you were here… I thought you, y’know, left… last night,” Zuko apologized, almost in a whisper.

Sokka just sprung to his feet, now being the one to give a famous ‘Zuko-glare’. He wanted to yell at his roommate, take all of his anger and self-hatred out on him, but Sokka just gritted his teeth and pushed past him, storming to his room. He deduced, from the lack of any noise whatsoever, that he probably left Zuko in a pit of despair, not having even acknowledged his apology. But Sokka didn’t care. He couldn’t bring himself to care about how Zuko felt right now because he was so damn angry at himself, and Zuko and everyone. And then his phone rang.

“Suki?” Sokka answered immediately. He heard a soft sigh over the phone.

_“So, tell me, what happened?” _Was all she said. No hello, no how are you, just straight to the point. That’s when Sokka realised just how much he fucked up.

“I’m so sorry Suki,” Sokka mumbled, eyes already brimming with tears. “I don’t know what I was doing, I—I just—”

_“Just tell me what happened,” _she urged. _“What exactly went down between the two of you.”_

Sokka swallowed the growing lump in his throat. “I… from the beginning?” She hummed. “O—Okay, well, I wanted to cook, ‘cause, y’know, I like to… and uh, when we were eating I asked him to play Modern Warfare with me… and um, we were playing and he got really sleepy and he rested his head on my shoulder and I freaked out and—”

_“Slow down a bit, I can hardly understand what you’re saying.” _Sokka let out an audible sob. _“Sokka, I need you to tell me what’s going on. I know it’s hard, okay? I’m not mad at you, I don’t hate you, I’m not going to break up with you. I just need to know what happened, yeah?”_

“Okay, okay…” He took a deep breath. “So, I stood up, ‘cause I knew I was going to do something dumb if I just sat there… but he stood up too, and like… I don’t know, he walked closer to me? Like really close? And um… yeah, stuff ‘nd we were really close, and I just got overwhelmed and our foreheads were touching and shit, but then he had some sense slapped into him ‘cause he pulled away before anything happened. I’m so sorry Suki, I—it didn’t mean anything. I love you, I’m sorry.”

He was crying now, like full-on crying. Like, his shoulders were shaking, and he couldn’t breathe properly and he probably looked like a blubbering mess, but he didn’t care.

_“Look, Sokka…”_ But she paused like she didn’t know what to say. His crying froze and all he was doing was waiting for her to say something, his breath hitching at every intake. _“I’ll be honest. I don’t know what to say.”_

And the crying started again. But it was worse. Sokka just couldn’t catch his breath. He felt like the life was being sucked out of him and he felt dizzy and his hands were shaking so badly, he had to put his phone on speaker because he couldn’t hold it up anymore.

_“Sokka, please,” _she urged quietly, the strain all too evident in her voice. It only made Sokka feel worse. _“I can’t listen to you like this; I need you to calm down love.” _

His stomach wrenched when she called him love because deep down he knew it was just to shut him up, to get him to think rationally, but his head was so full of hatred that he found himself yelling at her over the phone.

“Stop, Suki, just stop! I know you don’t love me anymore; I can fucking tell! You barely make time for me, and when you do, we’re never alone and all you do is talk about other people, other friends, you never talk to _me!_” She sat silent. “Just fucking say something! Tell me you’re going to break up with me! Tell me you hate me! Just stop being so good to me all the time, I can’t fucking deal with this! I can’t be the only one who has a perfect relationship, just to fuck everything up!”

_ “Sokka!” _She snapped. _“I don’t know what’s been going through your head recently, but ever since you’ve moved out, you can’t act like a damn adult. You need to get your shit together if you _ever _want to have a relationship with anyone, not even just me! You _know _I love you. But you’ve doubted me for so fucking long. Maybe what you need is a fucking wake up call, and maybe I need to be the one to give it to you.”_

And with that, she hung up. Sokka sat on the floor next to his bed, phone dangling precariously in his hand, mouth wide open, tears flowing easily down his cheeks. Suki _never _swore. Suki never yelled. Suki had never been this mad at Sokka before, no one had. Sokka felt nauseous. He was angry. He was so full of hatred that he couldn’t even bring himself to cry anymore. His jaw was wrenched shut and he didn’t even know how long he sat by his bed for.

. . . .

Sokka stumbled out of his room at some point during the day. He felt numb, and alone, and not even angry anymore, just _empty. _He fucked up. He knew he did. It was bad, and he was the only one to blame. He shouldn’t have yelled at Suki; he didn’t know what he was trying to achieve by doing that. It just made everything so much worse.

Sokka fell against the couch, draping an arm over his eyes, and just sighed. A long, hollow sigh. His phone had been going off since about an hour into his mindless sitting, but he didn’t care to answer it, not even to check who it was. He was just so tired. Physically _and _mentally. He thanked every single god that he didn’t have a class today because that was the absolute last thing he wanted to do right then. _I wonder if Zuko had a class, _Sokka found himself wondering, _maybe that’s where he was going this morning. _But he didn’t have his bag with him. You need that for class. Sokka frowned and decided he should probably check his phone. _Just in case_.

And sure enough, as soon as he picked it up, Zuko’s name started flashing on the screen.

“Zuko?” He heard a sharp breath. “What’s up? Aren’t you in class?”

_“I—What? No?” _He sounded really confused. Sokka frowned further. _“I, um, I need your help.”_

Now it was Sokka’s turn to be confused. “Why? Are you okay?”

_“Y—Yeah, um… I think I broke my nose? I need you to come get me, please, if you can…”_

“Uh… sure. Where are you?” Sokka was unbelievably muddled at what was going on. Zuko mumbled out an address and thanked him before hanging up.

Sokka sighed and got off of the couch, grabbing his keys and making his way out the door. As he made his way out into the hall, towards the elevator, Sokka was met by someone he’d never seen there before. He was tall, taller than Sokka, but had brown hair, similar to the colour of his own. He looked angry. _Really _angry.

“You’re Zuko’s roommate,” he said, with a glare. Sokka swallowed nervously.

“Uh, yeah…” he replied slowly, trying to think what on god’s earth this guy would want with him, or Zuko for that matter. But then something clicked. “Zuko’s not here. I don’t know where he is.”

“Right, tell him to call Jet when you find him. He’ll know what I mean.” Sokka nodded hesitantly and edged past the guy. He definitely was not going to tell Zuko to call Jet. _Too suspicious, _Sokka decided.

As he drove to the address Zuko had told him, he realised it was a café, not too far from their dorm, definitely within walking distance. Sokka became even more confused. How do you break your nose at a café? He found Zuko sitting on the curb outside, and pulled up in front of him, leaning over to open the passenger door. When he saw Zuko’s face, he almost choked.

Zuko’s nose was swollen and purple and he had blood dried across his upper lip, smearing to his left cheek. He wordlessly climbed into Sokka’s car and strapped his seatbelt in. Sokka stayed frozen. Zuko turned to him and raised an eyebrow.

“What the fuck were you doing?” Sokka blurted out, a little ball of rage boiling in his stomach. _Jet, _he thought, _that was Zuko’s ‘partner’. He did this. _

“Can we just go home, please? I need some fucking Panadol,” Zuko muttered, looking away from Sokka and out of the window. Sokka just shook his head in frustration.

“N—No! You need to tell me what’s going on! You come home with random bruises all the time Zuko, that’s not just something I can forget about!” Sokka raised his voice. _Wrong decision, _because Zuko started sniffling and Sokka realised he just made him cry.

“Please, just take me home,” Zuko almost _whimpered. _Sokka huffed, but turned his car back on nonetheless, and began the drive back.

All the while, he could hear Zuko sniffing occasionally, before cringing and touching his nose ever so slightly. It looked like it hurt, and Sokka felt sick to his stomach just thinking about it.

“I—I’m sorry for yelling,” he apologized quietly, hoping to clear the heavy tension between them. “And I’m sorry about last night… I know you’re in a relationship a—and I am too, it was stupid. So, yeah, sorry.”

Zuko just smiled weakly and turned back to the window, resting his head against it. Sokka could tell he wasn’t very much in the mood for conversation, so he focused on getting Zuko home safely, all the while promising himself that there was now no way in hell he was going to tell his roommate that _Jet _wanted to talk to him. And _oh shit, _Sokka thought, _that’s probably why Zuko was at a café, he probably left Jet’s after breaking his nose and—_Sokka felt like he was going to vomit.

“I—It’s Jet, isn’t it?” He found himself asking, immediately regretting it when Zuko flinched.

“Don’t, Sokka. Please don’t.” That shut him up for good.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Zuko unsteadily climbed out of the car, leaning against the closed door like he was going to pass out. Sokka watched him carefully as he locked the doors and rounded the car. He offered Zuko an arm, smiling when it was gladly accepted. They trudged their way back up to their dorm, Zuko leaning all of his weight on Sokka, who didn’t mind in the slightest. He fumbled with his keys and Zuko’s head rested wearily on his back. Once inside, Sokka wordlessly dragged him into the bathroom, sitting him up on the countertop.

“Wait here,” he whispered, walking to the kitchen to grab their shitty first aid box, complimentary of the university dorms.

He came back to find Zuko, eyes closed, head resting back on the mirror. Sokka tapped him lightly on the thigh, which startled him slightly. Zuko sat forward, and Sokka almost screamed at how sad, but _pretty, _his honey eyes were. They were bloodshot, he had been crying, but beautiful, nonetheless. Sokka sighed and wet a cloth, stopping a few centimetres from Zuko’s skin.

“I’m sorry if this hurts, but I have to get the blood off of you, okay?” He whispered softly, and when Zuko nodded, he began tenderly wiping the cloth against the bloodstains.

Zuko cringed every so often when Sokka brushed a particularly tender spot but sat there silently. The lack of bruising around his eyes was a good sign, Sokka decided, gathering all of his knowledge of broken noses from years of playing goalie in hockey. Sokka’s hand came up to softly push Zuko’s head backwards.

“Breathe in for me,” he mumbled.

Zuko complied, taking a shaky, yet thankfully clear, breath in through his nose.

“I don’t think it’s broken,” Sokka reassured quietly, dropping his hand from Zuko’s forehead. “But it might be fractured; it’s a bit too swollen to be just bruised.”

Zuko nodded quietly and looked down at his wringing hands. He licked his lips and Sokka couldn’t help but stare at his roommate. He looked so helpless and hurt, but Sokka just couldn’t take his mind off of Suki, not even to just comfort the poor boy.

He stepped back a sighed, dragging his hand over his face. “Just go get some rest, I’ll get you some painkillers and some soup. Just… don’t do anything stupid.”

And with that, he left Zuko sitting on the sink, taking no notice of his disappointed, heartbroken stare.


	6. six.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some bonding i guess? but angsty bonding? is that a thing?

**SIX**

* * *

Sokka was once again in the kitchen, almost done preparing a soup for Zuko, when his roommate wandered out of his bedroom. He sat down at the barstools lining the bench with a scowl on his face, phone in his hand. Sokka stopped what he was doing and gave Zuko a weak smile.

“When were you gonna tell me?” Zuko snapped, laying his phone down on the countertop with a bit too much vigour.

“W—What?” Sokka replied, his eyes wide at Zuko’s sudden anger.

“Jet was here, wasn’t he?” Sokka nodded hesitantly. “And you weren’t going to tell me that he asked me to call, were you?”

Sokka’s mouth went dry. “Uhm… n—no?” Zuko glared. “N—Not ‘cause of anything like—I’m not jealous or anything… I just… he—”

“Just tell me next time… _please._” Zuko’s voice wasn’t angry anymore, but he did sound exhausted. Sokka refused to meet his eyes.

“Sorry…” He mumbled, turning back to his pot. “Was just tryna look out for you…”

“Look, Sokka, nothing is going on with Jet, okay? I’m clumsy, that’s how I get all these bruises… it’s—it’s not Jet.” Sokka could tell he was lying. He frowned at Zuko in reply. “I’m telling the truth Sokka. Jet doesn’t do anything to me. I can hold my own.”

But Sokka didn’t say anything. Zuko sighed and put his head in his hands, cautious of his nose. Silence settled around the two as Sokka sleepily mixed his ingredients together. Zuko was on his phone again, furiously texting someone; _Jet probably, _Sokka thought, but he chose not to comment, not wanting to make Zuko any angrier, too tired himself to get in another argument that day. His mind was a swirl of confusion and anger and he was so tired and emotionally strung up from his conversation with Suki that morning, and then having to look after Zuko and his stupid nose, and _god, _Sokka hadn’t missed his family this much in a long time. But he was too busy with classes now, and Sokka felt like he couldn’t just leave Zuko alone anymore, not now that he knows Jet’s hurting him, even if Zuko won’t admit it. That would definitely be too much worry. He knew he couldn’t relax knowing that no one was actually there for Zuko, just in case he needed them.

Sokka cleared his throat and sighed, his eyes hooding. He was so damn tired and making soup for his stupid roommate was the last thing he wanted to be doing right now. Zuko seemed to pick up on this.

“You don’t have to do this you know… I can just order us pizza or something if you’re hungry,” he mumbled, not looking up from his phone. Sokka closed his eyes and leaned his head against the exhaust fan.

“But I just… yeah, whatever, just order a pizza,” he groaned, giving in to his exhaustion. Zuko smiled.

Sokka, as Zuko ordered them a pizza, went about packing everything he’d prepared into containers, leaving the large pot on the stove. He leant back against the counter and watched Zuko, feeling a familiar warmth creep across his chest. _So much for being angry with him, _Sokka thought, fighting a blush that was creeping across his cheeks. Zuko had a large hoodie on, Sokka recognised it to be his own, the hood hanging over his face, framing his pale skin. The sleeves were so long, they hung over his hands. Sokka thought he looked exceptionally adorable. His hair was falling out of its bun, probably because Sokka hadn’t been the one to tie it up and Zuko still hadn’t mastered the art. Sokka found himself smiling, butterflies dancing in his stomach. How did someone who was such a jerk be so endearing at the same time? That was a question that Sokka thought he’d never find the answer to.

Once Zuko hung up, he pushed himself off of the chair and motioned for Sokka to follow him. Complying, Sokka sighed and stood straight, following his roommate into their living room. Zuko pointed at the couch, motioning for Sokka to sit down. Sokka quirked an eyebrow but complied, smiling softly when Zuko joined him and draped a blanket over the both of them.

“Did you want to watch a movie?” Zuko asked quietly, looking at Sokka with the softest expression he could muster.

“I don’t know if I have the attention span for a movie, I’m about to fall asleep,” he mumbled in reply, leaning his head back on the couch, letting his eyes drift shut. He opened his eyes again and smiled when he heard Zuko giggle softly. “Did you just fucking _giggle _at me, Zuko?”

“No…” Zuko whined, shoving his face in his hands, cringing softly as he bumped the bridge of his nose.

“Careful, you idiot. Don’t hurt yourself even more,” Sokka grumbled, reaching out to pull Zuko’s hands away.

But once he did, he didn’t pull away. Neither did Zuko. They both sat in silence, staring and Sokka’s hands on Zuko’s wrists. Zuko felt so _warm _under his fingers and Sokka could feel his mouth going dry again, so he flicked his tongue out to wet his lips. He saw Zuko’s eyes go wide, or one of them go wide, a flush covering his cheeks and neck. Only then did Sokka realise how close they were.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, dropping Zuko’s hands and turning back to face the tv. Zuko sat frozen, remote in one hand, still facing Sokka.

Sokka sighed and nudged Zuko around, so he was facing the tv, and took the remote from his hand.

. . . .

As the credits for Netflix’s _The King _roll over in front of them, Sokka’s pizza goes limp in his frozen hands. Zuko was sniffling beside him, his own half-eaten slice abandoned on his plate. Sokka’s eyes were glued to the screen in front of him.

“Holy shit…” Zuko mumbled, audibly swallowing hard. “That was…”

“I think that was the best movie I’ve ever seen,” Sokka gasps. Zuko snorts quietly and snatches the remote from Sokka’s lap.

“Alright, you love Timothée Chalamet, I get it,” Zuko teases, landing an elbow right between Sokka’s ribs. “I thought you liked girls, man. Never thought I’d live to see the day that Sokka loses his tongue over a guy.”

That breaks Sokka’s concentration. “What?”

“What?” Zuko retorted, browsing lazily through Netflix’s anime catalogue.

“Are you serious? You thought I only liked girls?”

Sokka was shocked. Maybe Zuko was a bit dumber than he thought. Zuko finally looked over to meet Sokka’s eyes. He shrugged.

“I dunno… Was I supposed to think otherwise?” Sokka is dumbfounded. He thought his actions were a tell-tale sign that he felt _something _towards Zuko.

“B—But I… I tried to kiss you… kinda,” Sokka mumbled, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable by his confession. Zuko just shrugged again.

“People fuck with me like that all the time… I dunno man, guess I know now,” he replied casually, stretching his arms above his head before turning off the tv so he could focus on the conversation. “We really don’t know much about each other, do we?”

“Guess not…” Sokka cheeks were flushed. “I mean, better now than never. 20 questions?”

Zuko laughed, throwing his head back on the couch. “You sound like a fuck boy. But I guess we should get to know each other a bit more, considering, y’know, you _did_ try to kiss me.”

Sokka’s cheeks flushed a deeper red if that was even possible. “Shut up. I’ll go first. Uh… what’s your major?”

“Lit. Creative writing,” Zuko replied, smiling softly. Sokka couldn’t help but return that smile; he never would have picked Zuko to be the creative type. “What about you?”

“Mechanical Engineering. What’s your family like?” Zuko stiffened, the smile dropping from his face. Sokka almost retracted his question upon seeing this, but Zuko took a deep breath.

“Um… I have a younger sister, Azula. And there’s… there’s my father, I lost my mum when I was young…” Zuko was obviously uncomfortable talking about his family, and Sokka got it, his mum had passed too, but Zuko seemed uncomfortable for other reasons. “You?”

“That’s rough. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” Zuko smiled weakly, insincerely. “I have a sister too, Katara, and I would have to count her boyfriend Aang as well. My mum passed when I was young too, so it's just my dad. But he manages.”

Zuko hummed. He seemed spaced out, no longer focused on their game. He was looking at the front door with his brow furrowed, pursing his lips occasionally like he was having a mental fight with himself. Sokka couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have asked such a personal question,” Sokka apologised quietly, resting his hand on Zuko shoulder.

Zuko turned his attention back to Sokka, but the spark in his eyes was gone. It seemed as if a glass screen was put around him; Sokka could tell it was still him, but he seemed so distant, disconnected.

“If you get to ask a personal question, I do too.” Sokka nodded hesitantly, his mind whirring over what Zuko could possibly ask. “Why do you apologise so much? Everything you do to me, you apologise. Why?”

Sokka felt like he got punched in the stomach. All the wind was knocked out of his lungs and he just sat there, gawking at Zuko. “W—What?”

“You apologise all the time. Like just then. You didn’t even ask a very personal question, but you thought I couldn’t take it, so you apologised. I want to know why.”

“It’s… It’s not that I don’t… uhm…” Sokka had to bite his tongue. He was about to apologise again. “Guilty conscience? I don’t like making people upset?”

Zuko nodded, and Sokka breathed a sigh of relief that he accepted that sloppy answer. “That’s fair… I guess.”

They fell back into silence, their last slices of pizza forgotten. It was eerie, how quiet it got. Sokka could almost hear his heartbeat. Zuko sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back on the couch again. Sokka looked him over, letting his eyes settle on Zuko’s scarred side. In full honesty, Sokka wanted to know how he got that scar, more than anything. But he knew a question like that wasn’t suited to a game like 20 questions.

Zuko reopened his eyes, and turns his head to Sokka, quirking an eyebrow at his staring, before asking defensively, “What?”

“What?” Zuko rolled his eyes.

“You want to know what happened, don’t you?” Sokka swallowed hard but couldn’t help himself from nodding. Zuko sighed and wrenched his eyes shut, before standing up, pushing the blanket to the floor. “I’m too sober for this. Wanna get drunk?”


	7. seven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw --> lots of mention of abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to make this a bit longer cause i'm not going to be able to write again until friday, but i'm a sucker for a cliffhanger yikes

**SEVEN**

* * *

Sokka’s head felt heavy. His world was spinning out in front of him. He looked down at his plastic cup, Zuko had banned him from glass after he dropped two already, and sighed. Zuko was sprawled across their floor, eyes covered by his arm. Sokka felt dizzy. He wasn’t happy about it. He only agreed to this so he could keep talking to Zuko, but now Zuko was stuck in his own little world, glaring up at the ceiling, his lips pursed in a hard line. Sokka’s second, overdramatic sigh seemed to catch his attention though, as he turned his head to face him. Zuko’s hair was falling over his glassy, distant eyes, his cheeks tinged pink from the alcohol, lips red and wet. Sokka couldn’t help but think how damn _pretty _he looked.

“Was my dad,” Zuko blurted out, his words slurring off of his tongue. Sokka frowned at him, confused.

“What?”

“My scar,” Zuko clarified, letting his eyes flutter shut. “My dad burnt me.”

Sokka suddenly felt like vomiting. His stomach dropped to his feet and his heart started aching. He couldn’t help his mouth dropping or the feeble, “oh,” that followed. Sokka didn’t feel like he always got along with his own father, but he knew Hakoda would never, _ever _hurt him like that. He wouldn’t hurt him full stop. Sokka’s mind was whirring. He couldn’t even think of what to say back. All he was thinking was that Zuko’s scar, no matter how angry, was _old. _How old would he have been? Sokka’s heart grew to his throat and he choked on his own breath.

“U—Uh, that’s…” He started, but he didn’t know what to say.

He studied Zuko’s face for some type of guidance as to what was even appropriate to reply with, but he was blank. He had reopened his eyes, and was no longer looking at Sokka on the couch, but somewhere near him, ever more distant than before. He looked tired, and pained, both mentally and physically. Sokka could tell that Zuko’s banged up nose wasn’t appreciating the alcohol or his heavy breathing or his lying back on the floor. But all Sokka could really focus on was the growing blankness in Zuko’s eyes. He’d never seen Zuko drunk, but Sokka decided right then and there that he never wanted to see it again. At least when he was smoking weed, he looked happy about it. But drunk Zuko was something else. He almost scared Sokka.

“You don’ have to say anything,” Zuko slurred, pushing himself up so he was sitting, head flopping around uncontrollably. “I don’ need pity.”

That alone made Sokka want to say something. Zuko had given him the impression multiple times that day alone that he didn’t want Sokka’s help, or pity, or anything. He wanted to go it alone, and Sokka almost admired him for that, but he knew it was self-destructive.

“I—Zuko, what happened?” Sokka mumbled, straining his fuzzy vision to focus on his roommate. “How?”

Zuko swallowed hard, his hand coming up to pinch the skin between his eyebrows. He looked like he was having his own trouble keeping the world from spinning out from underneath him. He sighed and pushed himself to his feet, sauntering over to the couch. He squished in beside Sokka and pulled the blanket up to his chin. He looked so small, and damaged, and hurt, and Sokka just wanted to wrap him up in bubble wrap to protect him from the world.

“I was thirteen.” Sokka choked on his breath. _Thirteen. _Sokka could never dream of that type of pain being inflicted on him when he was just _thirteen. _He suddenly felt like he didn’t have a drop of alcohol left in his system. “I spoke out against my father. He was being cruel.”

Zuko stopped and sighed again, closing his eyes softly. This hurt him to say, Sokka knew that; it was obvious. He was skittish over his words, shaky and quiet. He wasn’t meeting Sokka’s eye, his hands fumbling over the edge of the blanket.

“Th—That obviously was the wrong choice. He… he um, grabbed me by my shirt collar and dragged me over to the stove.” Zuko choked out the last words. Sokka felt sick again. He knew what was coming. “I—He uh, he pushed my face on the burner. Held me there until he could hear my tears sizzling on the hot top.”

Sokka gagged. Okay, maybe was going to throw up. But Zuko wasn’t done.

“I could feel my skin being eaten away. My throat hurt ‘cause I was screaming so much. A—Azula came in, I thought she was going to help me. Or something. But she just smirked. She just watched.” That pushed Sokka over the edge. He felt tears start to fall past his eyes, cascading down his flushed cheeks. _How dare she. _“I can remember everything about that day. Even what I was wearing. When it gets really hot, I can feel my face burning up all over again.”

Zuko continued rambling, staring ever blankly at the wall in front of him. Sokka wasn’t listening anymore. His head was throbbing and spinning, and he felt like his stomach was being stomped on time and time again, an acidic burn making its way up his throat. Sokka only noticed that Zuko had stopped talking when he was tapped gently on the shoulder.

“What?” He mumbled, lifting his head to meet Zuko’s gaze. His roommate offered him a weak smile, _painfully _weak. Like it almost wasn’t there. Like it almost hurt him.

“I said sorry,” Zuko repeated, almost in a whisper. “I—I just kept talking, and you were—are, you’re obviously uncomfortable.”

“What, Zuko, no! Don’t apologize for this, what the hell?” Sokka fumed, his hand coming down to rest on what he could see of Zuko’s thigh. His roommate tensed under his touch, so he quickly pulled his hand back. “Sorry… I jus’ keep forgetting. But seriously. Please don’t apologize for this.”

Zuko nodded feebly and looked down at his hands again. Sokka noticed his fingers shaking slightly.

“A—And I’m sorry for what happened.” Zuko opened his mouth to protest, but Sokka wasn’t done. “I know. You don’t want to hear it. But you are. This is a horrible thing that’s happened to you Zuko. But you’re a strong person, you know you are. You don’t have to put up with this type of abuse. From anyone.”

That pushed Zuko over the edge. He choked out a sob that Sokka didn’t even know he was holding in. Zuko’s hands flew up to cover his eyes as tears pushed past them. Sokka didn’t know what to do. But he didn’t have much time to think about it because Zuko had stood up and was stumbling his way towards the front door. _Not again, _Sokka thought, _he was going to go to Jet. _

Sokka bolted up and slammed the door shut, just as Zuko had opened it. But a sharp, strong blow to his chest had him reeling back, clutching at his sides. Sokka could feel Zuko staring at him, quest to get the hell out of there long forgotten. What he could see of Zuko was his trembling hands, shaking beneath the hoodie sleeves so violently, Sokka thought they were going to fall off. He looked back up to Zuko’s face, feeling tears cascading across his own cheeks and his chest burned at the contact.

“F—Fuck I’m—Sokka… I’m so sorry,” Zuko rushed out, bending down to loop an arm around him, but Sokka flinched back, hard, his back knocking against the tv cabinet. “I didn’t—I didn’t mean to do that… I—”

“Save it,” Sokka spat, pushing past him and limping to his room.

He slammed the door shut behind him, trying to ignore Zuko’s frantic knocking. His chest was aching, and he was struggling to breathe, the air knocked out of him. He could hear Zuko’s muffled apologies through the door, it set his jaw on edge.

“Fuck off Zuko!” He shouted, his balled fist coming in contact with the hard door. Sharp pain electrocuted through his wrist and he scrunched his face up. Bad idea.

But it seemed to work. Zuko stopped knocking, stopped apologizing, and once again their apartment returned to its eerie silence. Sokka groaned loudly as he looked down at his pink knuckles, small drops of blood pooling at the surface of the cracked skin. _Great. _

Sokka stumbled over to his bed, trying to push past his dizziness. He flopped down and pulled out his phone, heart beating even faster as he saw Suki’s contact name sprawled across the screen. Sokka was tossing up whether he should reply when he heard the front door opening and closing, softly, like Zuko was trying to be subtle this time. Sokka honestly couldn’t find it in himself to give a shit whether Zuko was going to see Jet at this current moment. Sokka was angry at him. Angrier than Zuko had ever made him. And he was even more pissed off when he felt a pang of jealousy in his chest. He huffed and decided that yeah, he was going to see what Suki wanted.

_From / the best person in the world <<<<333333_

can I see you tomorrow? I want to talk.

He bit his lip, mulling it over in his head.

_To / the best person in the world <<<<333333_

yeah. ill be over at 10.

. . . .

When Sokka woke, his head was pounding. His phone was ringing next to him. He swallowed, in a feeble attempt to wet his dry throat as he leant over to see who it was who woke him. A flash of anger went off in his chest as he saw Zuko’s name. He immediately denied the call and sighed when his name was replaced by the time. _9:20. _He should probably get up.

As he rose from his bed and stretched his arms over his head, Sokka couldn’t help but wince. _His hand._ He brought it in front of his face and sighed softly. It was bruised. His knuckles were split. And for the love of God, it _ached. _Sokka considered his options and settled that he could just ask Suki when he was there, much preferring her knowledge over a doctor’s visit. Besides, she was a martial artist, she knew lots about broken appendages. 

Sokka sauntered towards his shower. He felt dirty, in more ways than one. Physically, yes, he was a bit gross, that’s what he got for drinking. But Sokka also couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d done something horrifically wrong, but, for the life of him, he couldn’t think of anything. He turned on the shower. He knew the way he acted towards Zuko the night before was wrong. It was obvious, with hindsight of course, that Zuko hadn’t meant to hurt him. He was drunk, and upset, pushed past his breaking point, and Sokka had startled him. Sokka knew Zuko shouldn’t have done it, obviously, but he could also understand that he didn’t mean it. He freaked out. He probably thought he was Jet or something.

When the temperature was agreeable, Sokka stripped off and climbed in. The water was hot, just the way he liked it, and he sighed upon feeling his tense muscles relaxing. The water stung the cuts on his knuckles, but he didn’t mind, he’d had worse. But even as he relaxed physically, Sokka couldn’t shake his anxiety bubbling in his stomach. Everything seemed to be going wrong. His relationship with Suki was all over the place, entirely to his doing, and he had only just gotten Zuko to open up; he was finally talking and laughing and joking with Sokka until he went and fucked that up as well. Sokka sighed, feeling his eyes start to sting with hot tears. Hit after hit after hit. He couldn’t do anything right. He wanted to go home. He missed Katara, and Aang, and his dad, even his dad’s friend Bato. His chest hurt and he could no longer hold back as a few feeble tears made their way down his cheeks, drowned out by the shower. His hands started to shake and the only things that were running through Sokka’s mind were _weak… failure… _He’d been at university for two weeks. _Only two. _And he’d managed to fuck up every relationship he’s had so far. He hadn’t even called his dad, which he’d promised repeatedly to do. Everything was spiralling out of control in his life and all he could do was watch it.

The water suddenly felt boiling on his skin. Everything he touched felt sharp and made of malice. His chest had tightened, and his breathing picked up in pace, becoming sloppier by the second. He knew what was happening, and if he didn’t calm himself down, he’d fly into a full-blown panic attack. That was the absolute last thing that Sokka needed right now. So, he shut off the water and stumbled out of the shower, clutching the edge of the sink, his right hand searing with pain.

And for the first time since he’d been there, Sokka looked up at himself. He almost couldn’t recognise the person staring back at him. He looked tired, exhausted. He didn’t know whether to attribute the heavy, dark circles under his eyes to his hangover, or the crushing amount of stress and anguish he’d been feeling recently. His eyes were rimmed red, a tell-tale sign of how much he’d been crying recently. His once warm, brown skin reduced to looking like ash, dry and pulled taut over his cheeks. He looked like shit, in short. He felt like shit.

In a weak attempt to soothe his anxiety, he splashed icy cold water over his face, sighing at the small amount of relief it gave him. It wasn’t enough to calm him down entirely, but it definitely brought the edge off. Sokka focused on breathing, shutting his eyes so he didn’t have to look at himself anymore. He was tired, so goddamn tired. And now he could hear his phone ringing again, and he just felt like screaming. He knew it would be Zuko. Part of him knew why he was calling. But he ignored it. He just needed a fucking break.

Sokka, finally feeling mellow enough to go about his day, made his way to his room. He chucked on an old t-shirt, lulling himself to ignore the cold that was an ever-creeping reminder that winter was on its way. Jeans and a hoodie followed, then Sokka grabbed his keys and phone. _9:45. _Just enough time for the short walk to Suki’s.

. . . .

When he knocked on Suki’s door, he was met by a familiar pair of beautiful green eyes. He couldn’t help but smile cautiously down at her. Much to his surprise, she returned it, but instead of caution, she looked concerned.

“You look like shit,” she mumbled, hand reaching out to push the hood off of his face. He puffed out a laugh.

“You don’t,” he replied sheepishly, confidence in himself growing a fraction as she blushed.

“Come in?” She encouraged, taking his hand gently, easing him inside her warm flat. Toph was, thankfully, nowhere to be seen.

Suki led him to her couch, a much more reasonable size than his own and patted the cushion beside her. Sokka smiled graciously and sat down beside her, still gripping nervously to her hand. He couldn’t understand why, for whatever reason, he felt like he’d never seen Suki before, like they’d never hung out, like he was feeling her touch for the first time all over again. He could feel his anxiety picking up again, but this time Suki seemed to notice, dragging her thumb across his unbusted knuckles softly. That reminded him.

“U—Uhm, before we… or you talk, I just… I need your advice,” he mumbled. She nodded, smiling sweetly at him. He thrust his right hand towards her. “Is it broken?”

Her eyes went wide as she surveyed his hand. Sokka didn’t know why, but he suddenly felt guilty. Her mouth hung open softly as she ran her fingers across his cracked skin, her touch like a feather. Her brows were furrowed.

“Can you open your hand?” She asked quietly, flipping it over in her own. Sokka nodded and stretched his fingers open, cringing at how tense they felt, trying his hardest not to show how badly it ached. But Suki noticed. She always did. “It looks pretty broken, Sokka. How’d you manage this?”

He sighed and hung his head. “I… I punched my door?” It came out more like a question, but Suki seemed to understand.

“Right… Well, um… I guess I should explain why I invited you here,” she began. Sokka felt a pit growing in his stomach. She was definitely going to break up with him.

“I guess so.” He braced himself for the worst, closing his eyes. But her hand was suddenly on his cheek, and that threw him way off balance.

“I’m sorry.” That made him snap his eyes open, looking at her in bewilderment. “I’m sorry for what I said to you. It was harsh, and I know that you wouldn’t have meant to do anything with… what’s his name again? Whatever, besides the point. I love you Sokka, and I didn’t mean what I said. I forgive you for what you did, and what you said, and I hope that you’re not too hung up on what I said to you.”

Sokka was stunned. This was absolutely not what he was expecting out of this. But he couldn’t be happier. He only nodded. Pathetic, he knew. But he couldn’t find anything to say and all he wanted to do was give Suki the biggest hug he could muster. So he did.

She relaxed into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck, drawing him in tighter. He let out a shaky breath, hand coming up to stroke her smooth brown hair. She was so soft and warm in his arms and for a moment he wondered why the hell he would _ever _get caught up in someone like Zuko, when he had pretty much the most perfect person ever. She pulled away and caressed his cheek. Sokka leaned into her touch and let his eyes flutter shut, letting out a long, happy sigh. And then her lips were on his and _god _did he miss that feeling. They were soft and warm, and she tasted like mint and vanilla, and it was so sweet and comforting, Sokka was beginning to forget about everything else in this world.

He loved Suki. More than anything. She was perfect.

And on his way home, he was so caught up in his trance, caught up in the lingering feeling of her lips on his own. He strolled back up to his dorm, so relaxed and happy and overall just really goddamn content.

And when he opened the door, all of his happiness was sucked away as he came face to face with Zuko pinned against his bedroom door, Jet’s forearm pushing against his neck.


	8. eight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw --> mild (??) violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a bit short but i just wanted to get something out cause its saturday and i promised friday lol oops

**EIGHT**

* * *

Sokka was frozen. His mind was hazy, scrambling to comprehend the scene unfolding in front of him. Jet was glaring at him. Zuko was choking out his name, repeatedly, breathlessly, _desperately. _Sokka could feel his hands balling into fists, his once aching hand replaced by raging numbness. Every time Zuko opened his mouth, Jet’s grasp became tighter. Sokka could tell from where he was standing that Jet was strong, really goddamn strong; Zuko seemed to be using all of his weight in a feeble attempt to push back on Jet’s ever-tightening hold.

Sokka’s jaw set as he stormed over to the pair. His confidence faltered when Jet dropped his hold and turned to face Sokka, leaving Zuko to fall to his knees, gasping desperately. But, much to his delight, Sokka managed to pluck enough strength to sock Jet right on the jaw, his ego inflating as he watched him stumbled backwards, cursing loudly.

“Bad idea, Sokka,” Jet snapped, steadying himself before turning in on Sokka. “Bad fucking idea.”

Sokka, somehow, managed to duck away from Jet’s incoming fist, smirking to himself subtly at the other’s bewildered expression. Maybe sparring with Suki all those times had paid off. But before he could bring his thoughts back to reality, he found himself backed up against the wall, near where Zuko was still sitting, seeming baffled at what was taking place. Sokka suddenly began to feel nervous. He raised his hands peacefully, throwing Jet an anxious smile.

“Come on Jet, let’s just—” He didn’t get to finish because he heard a sickening crack coming from his own face, and then his eyes started to water like crazy. He felt blood running down from his nose as he struggled to get a grip on his own eyesight. He swallowed hard, cringing at the metallic taste of said blood trickling down his throat.

Thankfully, Jet had taken a step back, still maintaining his menacing glare. Sokka heard Zuko suck in a sharp breath from his position next to his feet, cringing softly as he was used as leverage so the boy could stand. Before Sokka could say or think anything, Zuko had positioned himself in between Jet and Sokka.

“Don’t hurt him Jet,” he warned, voice broken and weak. “This is between me and you.”

Jet smirked and shook his head. He took one step closer to Zuko, bringing a hand up to _gently _caress the boy’s soft black hair. Sokka felt sick as Jet flicked his eyes up to meet his own, planting a soft, innocent kiss on Zuko’s forehead. He then mumbled something in Zuko’s ear that made him flinch, before turning away and, thankfully, leaving, the door slamming shut behind him.

As soon as Sokka was sure he was safe, his hand flew up to hold his leaking nose. His eyes watered again and this time he was sure it wasn’t due to the impact, but because he was crying. Again. The quiet sob he let out was enough to catch Zuko’s attention. He turned to face Sokka, expression falling to one of _incredible _guilt.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured, hand outstretched to rest on Sokka’s shaking shoulders.

Something inside Sokka snapped. Rage was bubbling inside his stomach as he stood straight, forcing Zuko’s hand to slip off of him, still clutching his nose.

“Y’know, Zuko, I’d never thought that you were a selfish person,” he began, relishing in the way Zuko’s guilt melted away, leaving behind pure despair. “stupid, yeah, but not selfish. But, knowing that you’re readily putting yourself, and now _me, _in danger… I’m beginning to question my judgement.”

His voice was harsh, angrier than he’d ever heard himself before. The words slid off his tongue, dripping in venom. Zuko looked crushed, deflated. He looked like Sokka had just ripped the last few shards of his heart out and was stomping on the already broken pieces. It made Sokka’s rage falter only slightly, but he sucked back all of the feelings he had for his roommate and pushed them down. He decided that now was the time to be angry. He had every right.

Zuko opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but closed it again, choosing to simply nod his head. Sokka could see his eyes watering, small short breaths pushing past quivering lips. He almost felt bad. But right now, he really, _really _felt like being angry. Sokka considered laying into Zuko, yelling at him about how fucked up his life had gotten since they had moved in together, blaming him for his failing relationships and crumbling self-esteem. But something stopped him. Maybe it was how kicked down Zuko looked, or maybe it was the fact that, despite how hard he tried, Sokka couldn’t ignore his stupid crush. But he knew it felt wrong. So instead, Sokka decided to push past Zuko and head towards the kitchen.

He grabbed a bunch of tissues in his fist and held them to his nose, cringing at the pressure he knew he had to apply. Sokka could only sigh. He had been having such a good day. He’d made up with Suki, and she didn’t hate him, and that made him so fucking happy, but of course, Zuko had to go and ruin that by bringing Jet of all people to their flat. _Speak of the devil, _Sokka thought as he saw, from the corner of his eye, Zuko moving hesitantly towards him. Sokka turned to give him a glare, one of _get the fuck away from me_, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Zuko had tears shameless flowing down his pink cheeks. He had bitten his bottom lip raw, tongue occasionally darting out to lick away small bubbles of blood pushing at the surface. His eyes, normally warm and somewhat homely, looked flat and lifeless yet miraculously still so goddamn desolate. He sat at one of the barstools lining the counter and pushed his head into his hands. They sat there in silence, both too drained to say anything. Sokka was cursing Zuko out, but only in his head, trying desperately to hold on to his anger towards the boy. He saw Zuko warring with himself, a thousand thoughts whirring in his head. Sokka thought that this was probably the most expressive he’d ever seen Zuko look before. He was normally reserved, only offering a smile or a glare when seemed fit, but now it was like Sokka could read every emotion Zuko was feeling. Guilt, anger, self-pity, hatred, exhaustion. It was all there, plain as day.

“I’m sorry,” Zuko mumbled again. “I—I’ll do something about it. I’ll break up with him, if that’s what will make you happy.”

Sokka frowned. “Zuko you shouldn’t be breaking up with him for me.”

Now it was Zuko’s turn to frown. “What? I thought—”

“No, no, like…” Sokka sighed, blinking slowly. “I just—you have to see there’s something wrong with what he’s doing, right?”

Zuko didn’t reply. He looked down at his hands and shrugged softly. Sokka’s heart ached at the thought that maybe Zuko never stopped Jet because _that’s what he thought he deserved, that’s what he thought relationships were supposed to be like. _

“Zuko…” Sokka trailed off. He didn’t know what to say. Who the hell hurt this guy so much that he thought that abuse was okay? “I—Jet doesn’t… you shouldn’t let anyone hurt you, mentally or physically. It’s not okay. If they do… you,” he sighed, “you have to get rid of them. You shouldn’t keep them around.”

Zuko looked up, confused, before weakly mumbling, “You hurt me.”

Sokka was taken aback. “W—What? I do?”

“You—I, um…” Zuko trailed off, looking away as if he was thinking about what he was trying to get across. Sokka decided then that Zuko was horrible with words. “Okay, I’m just going to say it. Sokka, I like you. A lot. Like more than a friend type of way.”

Sokka flinched. That’s not what he was expecting.

“A—And it hurts… because you have a girlfriend. But you keep like… flirting with me, I guess. It’s confusing. But I know you love her. I hear you guys talking on the phone sometimes and I just… I want that. With _you_. But I know I’ll never be able to have it.” Zuko sighed, looking back down at his shaking hands like he was scared of what Sokka might say.

But Sokka didn’t even know _what_ to say. He was well and truly floored. He knew he probably looked like an idiot, gawking at Zuko with his mouth hanging open. Thankfully his nose had stopped bleeding, so as he wouldn’t catch any of it in his mouth. Zuko still wouldn’t look at him though, despite his most likely worrying silence.

Sokka’s mind was racing. He didn’t know whether he’d realised along the way that maybe Zuko had felt the same way and he just didn’t think too much about or if he really was just that bad at reading people. But from what Zuko was saying, Sokka was sure he was just stupid. Really goddamn stupid. He was aware that he had unintentionally been flirty with his roommate, but crush or not, that’s just how Sokka made friends, how he talked to people he enjoyed. Sure, that was how he’d gotten almost all of his relationships in the past, by having people he liked accidentally catch feelings because of his incessant flirtatious comments and hands-on affection, but Sokka never meant to make people upset by it or force them to feel a particular way about him.

So, Sokka did the only thing he could think was appropriate for this particular moment. He walked over to Zuko and pulled his hands into his own, from across the countertop.

“I am so sorry Zuko… if I’d known that I was doing this to you… I never would have—I just… I never meant to make you uncomfortable or upset or anything like that.” Sokka felt ridiculously bad. And guilty. “I don’t want you to think… I—fuck—Okay. I like you too, Zuko. But I just worked things out with Suki and I… I love her. A lot. And right now, I just… I don’t plan on ending that with her. I’m sorry.”

Zuko merely nodded, staring at the way Sokka’s hands enveloped his own tiny ones. Thankfully, Sokka thought, he didn’t look too upset, or rather, he didn’t look anymore upset than before.

“That’s okay,” Zuko said quietly. “I—I’ll talk to Jet. I’ll break up with him. I just want to make you happy, and if that means ignoring how I feel so you can be with her… I’ll do that. I’ll do anything for you.”

Sokka felt a familiar warmth bubble in his stomach. All the rage he’d felt completely vanished. He liked Zuko, he really did, in more ways than one. Sokka came to realise, as they decided to order _another _pizza and play some games together, that Zuko was genuinely a good person. That all his acting out and snappiness was just a result of the people he grew up with, the people that controlled his life, and that when he could get him alone, in a state that wasn’t self-hatred, Zuko was a wonderful person. Sokka promised that he would have to remind himself, again and again, to always see Zuko as he did now, as a good, albeit, misguided person, no matter what was going on between them or just within Sokka himself. Zuko deserved a constant in his life. Someone who he could rely on, and trust, and be comforted within knowing that he was never going to hurt him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very very happy that everyone is enjoying this so far!! comments and kudos are the nicest things. i adore waking up and reading comments that people have left overnight. thank you all so much for the support.
> 
> also,, i was kinda thinking of doing some zukka oneshots (bc you can never have enough zukka), so let me know if that's something yall would enjoy. and if you have any promts or ideas, hit up my tumblr zukkaasf!! (i'm new to tumblr so lol no hate, not very good at it) 
> 
> thank you all <3


	9. nine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kinda... happier? i guess? but nothing explicit on zuko & jet bc that's coming later ((:<

**NINE**

* * *

Sokka couldn’t help the moan that pushed past his lips as Suki’s hands slipped between his hair. It had long since fallen out of its usual ponytail, lying flat against his cheeks. Suki’s lips dragged down the edge of his jaw, leaving hot, tingling patches of skin in their wake. He felt short of breath, but in the best possible way imaginable. He was trying to be quiet, he really was, but he had somehow forgotten, in the chaos of his recent weeks, how flustered Suki made him feel, how on edge in the best way, wound up and ready for her in every possible sense. Sokka was drunk on love. On pleasure. His hands were shaking, clutching at Suki as if his life depended on it.

“You seem like you’re having fun,” she whispered in his ear. Her breath was hot, hot like Zu—

Sokka bolted up. Suki floundered in his lap, gripping his shoulders so as not to be thrown out of the bed. She shot him a look, before climbing off of him and readjusting her shirt, dishevelled thanks to Sokka’s wandering hands.

“You okay?” She asked softly, concern obvious due to Sokka’s blown eyes and parted mouth. He swallowed hard. _What the fuck brain? _

“I—Yeah, yeah. Sorry,” he mumbled, reaching out to bring her back towards him.

This kept happening. Whenever Sokka was with Suki, whether it be intimate or just hanging out, he couldn’t get Zuko out of his mind. It wasn’t even endearing thoughts of his roommate, just…him. Constantly. It was like Sokka had a parasite named Zuko that was taking over all of his thoughts, replacing his girlfriend's stunning features with his grumpy ones. Sokka was getting annoyed. Sure, he had feelings for Zuko, whatever, he knew he liked Suki _way _more. He loved Suki. Not Zuko. Zuko was just someone he lived with. Someone _cute _that he lived with. But that doesn’t mean anything. He hadn’t seen much of Zuko since the whole incident with Jet, and when he did, Zuko didn’t say much to him aside from the bare necessities.

Sokka couldn’t help but wonder where Zuko was spending so much of his time, but he wasn’t coming home fucked off his ass or with any more bruises, aside from the occasional, um, _love bite_ on his neck, so Sokka took that as a win. Sokka was feeling much better after the whole ordeal. Zuko had seemed to have taken what he said on board, his nose had stopped aching and randomly bleeding, Suki seemed a thousand times more interested in him, and Sokka had made a pretty great friend out of Toph.

Everything seemed like it was picking back up for Sokka. His anxiety was handling better, which was always a plus. He was going home to see his family soon, and even though Suki couldn’t come with him, he knew that he was going to have a great time.

So Sokka reasoned that these random intrusive thoughts of Zuko were very much tolerable if the outcome was an ease in the tension he’d recently endured.

He had left Suki’s flat at a definitely unreasonable hour, both too caught up in each other to recognise how dark it had gotten. Sokka cursed himself with hindsight that he should’ve brought his car, but Zuko had to borrow it for whatever reason, or at least a jacket, because now it was freezing, and he was walking along through dark streets. But it's_ fine, _he reasoned, shoving his icy hands in his jean pockets, _I’m strong, I can look after myself. _He’d gotten a few hits on Jet for god’s sake, and if he could do that, he really was fine. Smirking at the thought, Sokka trudged towards his block, still relishing in the tingling he gets whenever he spends time with Suki.

Nearing the car park, Sokka saw a familiar car pulling in, his own. Zuko really was liberal with sleep, Sokka thought, edging closer to the boy. Zuko hadn’t noticed him yet and Sokka wasn’t in the mood for scaring the shit out of him. So, he cleared his throat instead. Thankfully, Zuko didn’t look too startled as he whipped around in his spot.

“O—Oh, hey,” he mumbled, upon recognising Sokka, who just waved in response. “Where were you?”

Sokka was about to tell him Suki’s, but upon remembering Zuko’s confession, Sokka reasoned that a little white lie would suffice. “I was with a friend. He needed help with this project we’re working on in class.”

Sokka figured throwing his friend Teo under the bus would be okay, because, they did have a project, and Sokka _was _there earlier that day, so it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Right.” _Shit, _Sokka thought, _he doesn’t believe me. _“H—Have you, um, eaten yet?”

Sokka grinned at Zuko, he really did know what to say to make him happy. “I have, but I’m always hungry.” He walked over to Zuko and swung an arm around his shoulders. “What’d you have in mind? I’d think most places would be shut by now…”

Zuko was blushing, _hard, _but made no attempt to wiggle out of Sokka’s hold. “Um… m—my uncle has a tea shop. They—um, they’re open all the time.”

“Oooh! I could go for some tea. If it’s half as good as the stuff you make, I’m sure it’ll be delicious.” Sokka tried to ignore the small, hopeful smile that Zuko gave him and awkwardly retracted his arm. _Right. _He couldn’t do this with Zuko. “I mean—um, yeah, let’s go for tea.”

The drive was awkward. They sat in silence, bar Zuko’s incessant drumming on his thighs. Sokka wanted to reach over and slap his hands but opted for gripping the steering wheel tighter and clenching his jaw. It wasn’t so much annoying as it was upsetting. Zuko was so fucking weird around him now, he had been for the whole week. He wasn’t talking, he was gone all the time; at least before he would get angry at Sokka or snap at him, instead of pretending he doesn’t exist. This was not at all what Sokka had in mind when Zuko said he’d give him space. But Sokka wouldn’t blame him. If this is what Zuko needed to get over his feelings then maybe Sokka needed to do the same. They could live together, just as friends. That was fine. Sokka totally didn’t secretly deny that every time he thought about it. He was happy just being friends. That’s how it should be. Living with a person you’re romantically invested in during university didn’t seem like a great idea. Plus, Suki. He really loved Suki, and she was more than enough times ten. So, who cares if Zuko ignores him, right? It was just going to lead to an outcome that was best for everyone. Zuko could keep screwing around with whomever he pleased, (because Sokka was absolutely not jealous at all, why would you think that?), and he could forget all about how cute he was and focus his attention on how cute his girlfriend was. Because she was. Definitely much cuter than Zuko. Sokka cringed. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself. But hey! It was true. She definitely was.

So, when they pulled into the parking lot, and Zuko stretched his arms over his head and yawned, letting the _cutest fucking squeak out of those beautiful red—_Sokka didn’t care. He didn’t even notice. He just smiled and climbed out of the car, trying to ignore the cold air on his bare skin.

“So, um, what are you doing for thanksgiving?” Zuko asked politely as they walked, one behind the other, into the tea shop.

But Sokka got so distracted by the sudden rush of fruit and flowers and warmth that filled his senses to even register what Zuko had said to him. “What?”

“Thanksgiving…? Are you going home or staying with m—here or what?” Sokka almost choked at Zuko’s fumble, but quickly plastered a smile, taking a seat near the heater. Zuko followed suit.

“I’m going back to Kitimat, in BC. I’m really looking forward to seeing my dad again.” He couldn’t help but smile.

Sokka really did miss his family when he was gone, despite all the shit he gives them when he’s there. He misses Katara, and her stupid boyfriend, Aang, who Sokka absolutely won’t admit is one of his best friends in the whole world. But above all Sokka misses his dad. He misses how they used to go ice fishing in winter, or when Hakoda had taught him to skate. He misses going on walks through the forest while Hakoda would point out the differences between the poisonous berries and the not, while Aang and Katara snuck ahead to go suck face by a tree. He just misses the simplicity of it all. When Suki would come visit and she’d be all over him because they never got to see each other. But now it was hard. And everything was different. Sokka didn’t have Hakoda or Katara there to impart wisdom upon him, or Aang’s cheerful smile to brighten his day. No, all he had now was a sour roommate and an unsteady relationship.

“Wait, you’re Canadian?” Zuko asked, raising his one good brow at Sokka.

“Yeah, I’m Innuit descendant, hence the dark skin,” he grinned, flashing his tan arm in Zuko’s face.

“Holy shit, that’s so cool,” Zuko mused, a soft smile on his face. Sokka wondered where Zuko was from. He didn’t look your typical American, but then again, who was Sokka to judge that, he hadn’t really been here before his moving out.

“Yeah,” Sokka agreed, returning Zuko’s smile. “What about you? What are you gonna do?”

Zuko stiffened. “I… I was going to go home but… I don’t think that would be a good idea. So, uh, I was just going to stay here.”

Sokka nodded softly, giving Zuko a sympathetic smile. They both turned their attention to the menu, Sokka more than Zuko, who already seemed to know what he wanted. All was well as they sat together, exchanging small talk until an older man came over and clapped Zuko on the back.

“Nephew!” He cheered, hand replaced with a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around Zuko’s blushing self. “Who’s this fine young man? Someone of interest?”

Zuko sputtered, frantically looking between Sokka’s shit-eating grin and his over-enthusiastic uncle. “W—What? No! This is my roommate, Sokka. He has a _girlfriend._”

Sokka smiled, reaching his hand out. “Nice to meet you…”

“Iroh. Uncle Iroh. And it is lovely to meet you as well, Sokka. I hope you’re not finding my nephew too grumpy at home?”

Sokka couldn’t help but laugh. He really did try to look anywhere other than Zuko’s lovestruck smile. “He’s alright. It took a bit of warming up, but I think we’ve both settled in nicely, hey Zuko?”

Zuko nodded, his cheeks flushing upon meeting Sokka’s eyes, before grumbling out “You’re tolerable.”

Iroh and Sokka exchanged a few more jabs and laughs at Zuko’s expense before the pair ordered their teas and fell back into silence. But, thankfully, it wasn’t awkward this time. It was… nice. Sokka was warmed up by the heater, Zuko was talking to him again. It was pleasant, very, very pleasant.

“Did you,” Sokka started, but paused, swallowing down the anxiety in his throat. “Did you want to come with me? T—To Kitimat?”

Zuko looked at him wide-eyed. “What?”

“Well, I figured you, um, you’ve probably not had the greatest thanksgivings… and we have heaps of room so… you can, like, if you want—I, um, I’d like you to come,” Sokka mumbled the last part. He was scared to meet Zuko’s eyes.

“I—I don’t know Sokka.” Zuko sounded breathless. “I’m—I’m supposed to be getting over you, I don’t think I can do that alongside the whole… ‘meet the family’ thing.”

Sokka wanted to hit himself. His cheeks flushed. “R—Right. Of course. You don’t have to—I, um, the offers there. If you’d like. But I understand if you don’t want to. I didn’t think about that.”

Zuko nudged his arm, making Sokka look at him. He was smiling. It was soft and comforting and Sokka suddenly didn’t feel all that bad anymore.

“Thank you,” Zuko said quietly, “I’ll think about it.”

Sokka puffed out a sigh of relief and sat back in his chair. _Fuck. _He had it _bad. _


	10. ten.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (': airport fluff????? fam time????????? Sokka's vibing??????

**TEN**

* * *

The days counting down until Thanksgiving were stressful. Sokka had been scrambling to organise himself; packing, his ticket, his passport, everything. Zuko had yet to give him any clear indication if he would be tagging along or not. He was still coming home late, leaving early, still obviously trying to keep as much distance as he could. It was obvious that Zuko was trying to avoid him. Which was fine. Sokka totally didn’t care. He wasn’t horrifically jealous of whoever was taking up so much of Zuko’s time. But he did seem happier. So that was good. That was all Sokka was focusing on.

So, of course, it came as a huge shock when Zuko leant on the back of his chair, hung over Sokka’s shoulder, stared at the idle ticket booking screen and said, “I’ll come. Put me down for one and I’ll pay you back.”

“W—What?” Sokka stuttered, head whipping around to stare at Zuko’s nonchalant smile. “You want to come?”

“Yeah…” Zuko’s calm seemed to falter slightly. “I—If I can…”

“Oh yeah! Of course, you can,” Sokka replied cheerily, and added another ticket, picking the seat right next to himself. He smiled when Zuko gave his shoulder a soft squeeze before leaving him to gawk at his laptop screen.

. . . .

Sokka lugged his heavy bag out of Suki’s car with a huff. He was never very good at packing lightly, put to his defence, Kitimat was fucking _cold. _Zuko’s bag was miles easier to carry, and Sokka could only hope that he knew the type of temperatures northern BC could whip up.

“Well…” Suki’s voice cut into his thoughts. She was standing at the passenger door, giving Zuko and Sokka a wide smile. “I hope you guys have a good time.”

Sokka had given her a long, _long _explanation of how Zuko seemingly found himself someone to spend all his time with alongside and very intense promise that absolutely nothing would happen between the two of them. She was, understandably, still cautious. Sokka wouldn’t blame her for that. But right now, as she gave Zuko a parting hug, Sokka thought she obviously didn’t mind all that much. Which was a bit weird, but if he didn’t have to have that extra worry that she was upset bearing down on his shoulders, he was definitely going to take it.

She came to him next, drawing him into a long, sweet hug. He dropped the bags he was holding and scooped up as much of her as he could. Sokka knew then just how bad he was going to miss her. _Just like old times, _he thought, smiling as she pulled away and rested her forehead against his. She kissed him, slow and languid, and he could feel her smiling against his lips, and _god, _he loved her. But when he pulled away, he suddenly felt awkward. Zuko was staring at him, mouth hanging open ever so slightly, a blush quite prominent on his cheeks. Sokka cleared his throat, making Zuko’s eyes snap away. Suki smiled up at him and ran her hands over his cheekbone.

“I’ll miss you,” she whispered, only to him.

“I’ll miss you too. I love you,” he mumbled in reply, bringing her in for one last kiss, because who cares, Zuko can deal with this. It’s not like this was the first time he’d seen the two of them kiss.

“Mm,” she hummed. “Love you too. Don’t do anything stupid.”

He laughed softly and pulled away, missing her touch as soon as he did. “I won’t. We have to go though, thank you for driving us.”

“Y—Yeah, thanks,” Zuko cut in. Suki flashed him a smile.

“No worries guys, happy to help. See you ‘round Zuko!” She chirped, climbing back into the car. She waved as she drove off.

Sokka flashed Zuko an awkward smile. They made their way into the hoards of people at the airport. Sokka found himself smiling again as he felt Zuko’s hand gripping at the straps on his carry on, so as to not lose him. That totally wasn’t the cutest thing Zuko’s ever done. Sokka totally wasn’t trying to hide his flushed cheeks.

As they made their way through customs, and Zuko had his favourite Piplup water bottle confiscated, Sokka couldn’t help but feel like this was going to be a great trip. Katara was blowing up his phone, asking all about when they’d be there, if they needed a lift home, and _who the hell was Zuko? _He’d even got a text from Aang asking the same question, and of course, _what happened with Suki?_ His dad must not have given a very good description other than ‘some random guy Sokka was bringing home’. But despite all of that, he was having a good day. He was comfy as shit, reasoning that the only time it was appropriate to wear sweatpants in public was if you were going on a long-ass flight, which he was, all thanks to Kitimat’s shitty airport, and the fact that they had to stop over in Vancouver. Zuko also looked, like, the _cutest_ he’d ever seen him, almost drowning in another one of Sokka’s hoodies.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Zuko had said as they were sitting in the waiting area. He had his head resting on Sokka’s shoulder, of course only after Sokka had convinced him it was comfier than a stupid seat and that he really didn’t mind if Zuko’s head was bony.

“No problem, man,” Sokka replied with a smile, “It’s nice to have some company.”

And then they were quiet again. It was buttfuck early though, the sun only just peeking out over the mountains surrounding them. Sokka himself was tired, and upon hearing Zuko’s breath soften and head grow heavier on his shoulder, he decided to rest back, closing his eyes.

. . . .

Sokka woke up to a frantic shaking of his shoulders and his name being whispered repeatedly. He was met by Zuko was staring down at him with a crooked smile.

“W—What?” Sokka mumbled, stretching his arms over his head. Then his eyes snapped wide. “Wait did we miss the flight?”

Zuko giggled quietly, his voice much more hushed than Sokka’s. “No. We’re boarding in 20 minutes. I’m just really hungry and they’re not giving us food on the plane.”

Sokka couldn’t help but smile. This was a lot harder when Zuko was being as cute as all get out. “Alright, damn, I’ll get you some food.”

Zuko jumped up and held his hand out for Sokka. He gladly took it and hoisted himself upwards, probably holding onto the other a bit too long, but neither seemed to notice, so that’s fine, it’s whatever. They trudged over to the many shops in the waiting area, lines of cranky families waiting to order. They took their spot, and Sokka, of course, let Zuko’s head rest against his shoulder again, because who was he to say no to him. Zuko was doing him a favour after all, and this way, Sokka could make sure that nothing was going to happen to his roommate.

As they edged their way closer to the till, Zuko was mumbling random comments of what he might order, the people around them, what Canada was going to be like and—wait.

“Hang on,” Sokka interrupted, turning to look Zuko in the eye. “Have you never been to Canada?”

Zuko shook his head. “Why?”

“Oh man…” Sokka felt like laughing. Zuko really didn’t pack for the occasion then. “You know it’s 4°there right now? I felt how light your bag was, you’re gonna freeze.”

Zuko’s face paled. “Oh…”

This time Sokka did laugh. Loudly. Loud enough for the grumpy parents around them to glare. Zuko tugged on his arm and whispered for him to shut up, but Sokka couldn’t help but cackle.

“Don’t worry,” he gasped, whipping a stray tear, “You can borrow Aang’s stuff, he’s ‘Tara’s boyfriend. ‘Bout your size.”

Zuko nodded and blushed, pushing Sokka grumpily towards the counter. They settled on pre-made sandwiches, knowing that they had to get ready to board very soon. Zuko endured even more teasing for his choice of plain cheese on white bread.

“You are a literal child,” Sokka said, laughing as their passports got stamped and tickets readied.

Zuko only grumbled in response, famous pout pulling at his lips. Sokka had to physically stop himself from leaning over and kissing it off of him. He sighed as they walked into the plain, finding their seats. Zuko very graciously took the window seat and began on his sandwich. Sokka stretched out in the seat, cringing at the lack of legroom. Zuko, however, seemed very comfortable.

“Can’t believe you’re comfy and I’m not… absolute bullshit,” he grumbled, grabbing Zuko’s hand so he could steal a bite of his sandwich.

“Hey!” Zuko protested but didn’t make too much effort to stop him.

“I did pay for it,” Sokka reasoned and sat back in his seat.

“I’ll pay you back,” Zuko said, pouting once again.

“If I didn’t make you pay then, why would I make you pay now?” He retorted, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He didn’t pay much mind to Zuko’s quiet, pouty come back, and opted to put his headphones on.

Sokka focused on his music, deciding to cease bullying Zuko for his sad sandwich choices. He was still exhausted despite his powernap earlier on, and quite soon felt himself drifting off to sleep. But he sure as hell noticed when Zuko’s head rested back on his shoulder, smiling softly.

This was definitely going to be a good trip.

. . . .

As Sokka dragged his bags out of customs, he was met with the full force of Katara and Aang launching at him. He stumbled back, almost dropping his bag.

“Woah! Nice to see you guys too.” He was met with Katara sniffling into his neck and Aang jumping up and down, jostling him about.

“I missed you,” Katara whispered, pulling back and smiling.

She looked older than when he’d left, despite it only being 2 months. For starters, she’d cut all of her hair off, leaving a short bob, much like Suki’s. She really was beautiful, Aang was a lucky man.

“Missed you too ‘Tara.” Sokka motioned behind him, where Zuko was standing awkwardly, looking down at his shoes and wringing his hands. “This is Zuko. And before you ask, no he’s not my boyfriend. I’m still with Suki.”

“Hi, I’m Aang!” Aang chirped, sticking his hand out to Zuko, who only smiled in return, albeit a very stiff one. Aang gave him a confused look and dropped his hand.

Sokka stepped back a little and whispered to Zuko, “Be nice. They’re very friendly.”

He ignored how Zuko stiffened next to him and gave him an encouraging shove towards his sister. Katara made quick work of wrapping Zuko into a dramatic hug, earning a small squeak out of the boy. Aang followed suit, sandwiching Zuko into a big hug party. Sokka laughed at the sight, and upon hearing a hearty laugh in response, felt his eyes prickle with tears.

“Dad,” he said breathlessly, as Hakoda came over and swung an arm around his shoulders. He smelt like home. Like gran-gran’s cinnamon cookies, and fresh snow, and mint, and salt and _god _he missed being home.

“Hey Sokka,” Hakoda crooned, ruffling up the remains of Sokka’s ponytail, earning a playful swat.

“It’s so good to be back. Thank you for letting Zuko come.” Hakoda smiled.

“Of course. Our home is always open to whomever you fancy.” Sokka almost choked.

“W—What? No! That’s not—”

“I’m teasing, son. Don’t worry. I know you still have eyes for Suki, wonderful girl.”

God Sokka missed this.


	11. eleven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw --> pretty descriptive panic attack.  
(im writing from personal experiences here so sorry if it doesn't make sense to some.)
> 
> \-- utarak means child in inuit but im not very good so it might be used wrong???? not sure???????? if it is feel free to correct me (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so  
im not dead lol  
i tried to make this a little longer cause ive been mia for a bit. enjoy!!

**ELEVEN**

* * *

This is hard. This is really, _really _hard. Sokka was having an incredibly difficult time ignoring his stupid crush on stupid Zuko. Especially when gran-gran seemed to _adore _him. Like, really… it was kind of weird. Sokka couldn’t ignore his fluttering heart as he watched his gran-gran hold Zuko in the tightest hug, one reserved only for her grandkids (and Aang). But now Zuko too… apparently. He couldn’t ignore his dry mouth as Zuko giggled away, quite amused with all of Aang’s dumb jokes. He couldn’t ignore his spinning head as Zuko seemed to go the extra mile when it came to Hakoda. He couldn’t ignore Zuko, basically. Sokka was regretting even inviting Zuko now. Sure, he’d thought a lot about how this was going to make Zuko feel, but he concluded quickly that he really didn’t take into account how _he _would feel.

They were all getting ready to go piss around in the snow, much to Sokka’s delight. But seeing Zuko in his old snow jacket, wrapped up in a scarf, hands drowning in gloves that were obviously way too big for him… Sokka knew he had royally fucked up. He should never have invited Zuko. Bad idea. Really bad idea. And it wasn’t like Sokka wasn’t enjoying the time they were spending together, but… it was hard. Really hard. Sokka tried to text Suki as much as he could. He tried just about everything to keep his mind focused on the fact that he had a girlfriend whom he loved and who loved him back. He was so desperate for any type of distraction; he’d convinced her to dirty talk him on the phone so he could think of _something _other than Zuko. But _shit. _It was hard. And Zuko, of course, had under packed and was now left to wear all of Sokka’s winter clothes that he assumed he wouldn’t _really _need at university. And it was so cute. Too cute. Unfairly cute. Zuko was just that much shorter than Sokka that anything he wore of his hung off of him like an oversized blanket.

Sokka was almost infuriated. At himself mostly. After all, it was his stupid decision to invite his crush of all people to visit his family over thanksgiving. Why he thought that was a good idea, he would never really understand. Not to mention, _they had to share a room _(thanks for deciding to renovate now Hakoda). So yeah, Sokka was pissed. He was trying to enjoy his time with his family, trying focus on what he’d missed over the past few months, he really was, but every time he saw Zuko waking up next to him, slowly uncurling from his sleepy little ball, stretching his arms over his head… Sokka was about to explode.

“You look like you’re about to strangle him, y’know,” Katara mumbled, leaning over so she could speak to her brother peacefully. She cocked her head towards Zuko, who seemed enthralled at the handmade scarf wrapped around his mouth. _Cute ass motherfu—_no.

“I think I might,” Sokka grumbled back with a frown.

Katara laughed. “I don’t think gran-gran would appreciate you choking out her new grandchild.”

“Whatever, it's his fault.” Sokka rolled his eyes. It wasn’t… but Katara didn’t have to know that.

She huffed. “Sure, sure, you keep telling yourself that.” She smirked and leaned closer. “I know you like him.”

Sokka sputtered. “W—What? No, I don’t! I like Suki. I love Suki.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t like him too, dumbass. I mean, not a great situation you’ve put yourself in, but you haven’t always been the brightest,” she teased, before giving him a wink and sauntering back over to Aang, who had seemed to have gotten himself tangled up in all of his layers.

Whatever. What does Katara know anyways? She’s only had one boyfriend and Aang doesn’t really fit into the ‘normal people’ category so… invalid, right? Sokka sighed furiously and scrubbed his hand over his face, cringing at the dull ache his busted nose had left him with. Who cares if he was glaring at Zuko? It’s not like his family was ever going to see Zuko again… hopefully. Sokka didn’t think he could do this again. Too much. Too awkward. He was just going to try harder to ignore his feelings and focus on his family. On Suki. And when he got back to his dorm with Zuko, he was going to pretend like none of this happened. He was going to let Zuko fuck around with whoever he liked, do whatever he wanted because Sokka didn’t care. He didn’t like him anymore. Done.

“You okay?” Zuko’s voice was so sweet, so caring, so warm and—_fuck. _Not off to a great start.

Sokka met Zuko’s concerned gaze and gave him a frightfully unconvincing smile.

“I’m great.” His voice cracked. _Wonderful. _“I, um, yeah. All smiles here. Keen for the snow. Having a great time. Love my family. Life’s good.”

Zuko raised an eyebrow, looking at him like his hair was turning blue. “Alright…”

Thankfully, Zuko didn’t push the matter. Sokka nervously smiled again and turned away from Zuko, scrunching up his face when he knew he was safe. This was not going well. He was not doing well. His heart was racing and all he could think about was Zuko, Zuko, Zuko. He felt sick. Like genuinely. Like really, Sokka was about to—

“Guys!” Everyone looked to him, bewildered by his sudden outburst. “I, uh, I’m gonna go to the bathroom, I’ll see you in the car.”

He didn’t even wait for them to reply before he bolted towards the nearest bathroom, almost knocking Aang over in the process. He could hear Hakoda yelling after him, concern evident in his voice, but thankfully, no one followed him.

This was bad. This was really bad. Sokka was in over his head and now he couldn’t breathe and goddamnit why does he have to be so stupid all of the time? Why couldn’t he have used his brain and not invited Zuko? Why couldn’t he have just manned up and told Suki that he really, _really _was starting to like Zuko? Why couldn’t he have done the mature thing and just been honest? With himself, with Suki, with Zuko… It was all too much. Way too much. Sokka felt like he was drowning. He had all of the answers now, but he was too far gone to even comprehend what any of it meant. He was well and truly screwed.

Sokka knelt over the toilet and felt his stomach heave. Too much, too much, too much. His eyes clenched shut, tears pushing past them. His mouth tasted like acid. His throat burned. He wanted to expel all of this negativity, but he just kept choking it back. _Too much. _He couldn’t do this.

Sokka felt his breathing become laboured. He knew what was happening now, _fuck. _His hands began shaking violently against the toilet seat, shuffling the porcelain around. He felt faint, really faint. His lungs felt swollen and there was a lump in his throat that he just couldn’t get around and _shit. _Too much. This was all too much.

It feels like hours that Sokka just sits there. So long, he barely noticed the thumping on the door. He barely heard his name being shouted over his own thrumming heartbeat. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t yell back. Hell, Sokka wasn’t even aware of how long he must have been. Long enough for someone to notice, obviously. Sokka felt like he was going to be sick again. He leant back over the toilet, ready to spill his guts, just as the door flung open.

Katara. Of fucking course, she could pick locks now. But alas, having his head in the toilet bowl, Sokka didn’t pay much mind to how she knelt next to him, pushing his sweaty hair off of his forehead, draping a cloth she’d apparently wet over his scorching neck.

“Oh, Sokka…” She mumbled, rubbing a hand over his heaving back. “I didn’t think it was this bad…”

He couldn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t felt this shitty since his mom died. Instead, he just cried. Hard. Like the pathetic, embarrassing type of crying. His whole body is shaking and he’s pressing into Katara like she’s the only thing that can stop him from falling apart. Her arms have wrapped around him now, one hand carding through his hair, the other holding tight to his shoulder. She’s whispering words of comfort but all that Sokka can focus on is the spinning feeling in his head. This was bad.

He jolts upright, a hand coming over his mouth as he feels vomit explode into it. He barely catches Katara cringing at him before she’s pushing his head over the toilet. _God, _he felt pathetic. He was so worked up over his stupid roommate and now Katara, his baby sister, was having to ease him through a panic attack. Sokka was trying to keep his eyes open as he hurled over the toilet. He was trying to stave off the tunnelling of his vision. _Too much. _

“Sokka you have to calm down,” Katara warned, but she sounded distant.

Sokka sobbed in between swells of vomit, tears streaming freely down his cheeks as he rested his head against the bowl. Katara was getting frantic next to him.

“I’m—I’m gonna go get dad, okay? Please don’t pass out or anything.”

Before Sokka could protest, she was gone. He was alone. His heart was pounding against his rib cage. His whole body hurt. His mind was whirring at such a pace, Sokka swore he was thinking in another language. His skin was slick with sweat, pressing against his itchy thermals. His collar suddenly felt really tight, like he was choking. His head pounded behind his eyes and everything was just too much. Too much. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t—

“Sokka, good god.” Hakoda. “When were you going to tell me—How long have you…”

Sokka couldn’t hear the rest of it. His heart was beating so loudly in his ears. He could barely feel his jacket being yanked off of him or his hair being pulled back into a sloppy bun. He could barely feel the cloth, wettened again, cold against his neck. He could barely hear his father’s voice begging for him to take deep breaths, uttering just about anything he could to get him to calm down.

He felt like he was going to be sick again, pushing Hakoda’s hands away from his face. Wait. The water.

“I—” He cringed. _Try again. _“I need—”

Hakoda looked at him desperately, willing to try just about anything. Katara was next to him, obviously trying her hardest to push past her own tears.

“Sink. Cold water,” Sokka managed to get out, feebly pointing towards the tap.

Hakoda seemed to catch on as he hauled Sokka to his feet, arms holding him up, guiding him to the tap. Katara yanked the cold water on, testing it with the inside of her wrist. Sokka pushed her out of the way and leant forward unsteadily, letting his dad hold him up with no help from his own legs. He splashed his face with the icy water. _Relief. _

His ears stopped ringing after a few douses. The lump in his throat had subsided, if only just enough to suck in a harsh breath. His eyes stopped tunnelling. Exhausted, Sokka leaned back against his dad’s shoulder, lungs burning as he tried to suck in as much oxygen as possible.

“Slowly,” Hakoda whispered, gently patting at his forehead. “Breath slowly, _utarak._”

Sokka’s head felt heavy. His eyes were stinging. His head was pounding. He felt like shit. Pure shit. But the edge was taken off. Sokka could actually think now. He heard Katara breathe a sigh of relief, her hand gently caressing his shoulder. Sokka shivered. He felt cold. Really cold. But calmer. Much, much calmer. At least he could breathe now. At least he no longer felt like he was going to die. Sokka’s knees felt weak, he was still leaning most of his weight on Hakoda.

“‘M cold,” he mumbled, his voice harsh and sore. His mouth tasted like ass.

Hakoda nodded against him, one hand waving absently over his jacket, laying on the tiles. Katara picked it up and struggled with Hakoda to pull it back on to Sokka.

“We’ll go to the snow another time. Let’s just get you in bed, I’ll get gran-gran to make you some tea,” Hakoda offered, but Sokka couldn’t help feeling guilty.

“N—No… you guys go,” he pushed, his voice straining. “I’ll just stay here.”

“Sokka—” Hakoda started.

“No. Please. Just tell everyone I feel sick. Please just go without me.” He felt like crying again. He felt pathetic. Even more so by the fact that after a brief second, he found himself mumbling, “I want Zuko to have a good time… please.”

Katara gave him a knowing smile and nodded to Hakoda. He sighed.

“Fine, fine. Gran-gran will be here if you feel ill, okay _utarak?_” Sokka nodded.

He let himself be pulled towards his old bedroom. He let Hakoda pull off the snow jacket again and tug a hoodie on instead. He let himself be tucked into bed, kissed on the forehead, promised that they would work all of this out. He let himself give in to exhaustion.

. . . .

Sokka groaned as the bed dipped beside him. His eyes felt heavy as he twisted his head to glare at whoever woke him up. But he stops when he sees those damn golden eyes staring back at him. Zuko has a small smile on his face. His cheeks were flushed pink from the cold. His hair is lying scruffily against his forehead, pushed to the side to keep it from getting in his eyes. It’s much longer than when Sokka first met him, now hanging just at his jaw. He looks happy. Like, genuinely happy. Sokka can’t help but smile back.

“How’re you feeling? Katara said you vomited all over her,” Zuko whispered playfully, lying on his side so he was parallel to Sokka. “It sounded pretty funny actually.”

_God if only he knew. _Sokka gave him a weak chuckle. “‘M okay… jus’ tired now.”

Zuko gave him a sympathetic smile. “Sorry for waking you. Do you want me to go?”

“No, you can stay. It’s okay, I should be getting up soon anyway.” Zuko’s cheeks flushed at that. He nodded before rolling onto his back.

Sokka noticed how Zuko still had all of his snow clothes on, bar the boots. He looked uncomfortable as hell. Sokka knew that the number of layers Zuko is wearing would be sweltering in his heated room (gran-gran had thankfully installed personalised heating systems in each bedroom). But still… cute. Really cute.

“Why don’t you take your jacket off?” His voice sounded scratchy. Zuko cringed at him.

“Damn, you really don’t sound good. Can’t believe I’m managing the cold better than you. I thought this was your thing,” he teased before clambering off the bed to strip his outer layers.

Sokka rolled his eyes. “You don’t know shit. I adjusted to Washington state, this is weird.”

“Excuses. You’re soft now. I win.”

Sokka grumbled curse words and rolled over, relishing in the warmth of his blanket burrito. He heard Zuko giggle behind him and desperately tried to stave off his smile. Not fair. Too cute.

“I can’t believe you giggle man. Who even are you?” Sokka asked, laughing himself. Zuko blushed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m hard as hell.” Sokka quirked an eyebrow.

“Really? You used to be an asshole but now… not sure. I think you’re the one who’s gone soft.” Sokka hesitated before blurting out, “Maybe dumping Jet was a good thing in more ways than one.”

And Sokka really didn’t know what he expected by saying that. He didn’t know why Zuko would do anything other than flinch and freeze up. He didn’t know why the hell he thought that that was a reasonable thing to say, it wasn’t even funny.

“S—Sorry that was dumb. I shouldn’t have—”

“I didn’t break up with him.” Sokka’s breath hitched in his throat. He sat up. Zuko wasn’t looking at him, fumbling with the edge of his hoodie. “I—I didn’t— I was scared, I just…”

“Zuko what the hell?” If Sokka wasn’t pissed at Zuko before, he definitely was now. “Why the fuck not? Oh man, is he who you’ve been seeing this whole time? Seriously? I can’t believe I thought you had the balls to fucking bre—”

“He would’ve killed me, Sokka.” _Oh. _Right. Zuko sounded wrecked now. “You saw what he did to me when we were together… I—Imagine if I tried getting rid of him.”

Sokka was frozen. This was the last conversation he thought he’d be having with Zuko. Ever. But at least he was being honest now? That’s always good? Sokka couldn’t think of anything to say. Zuko was looking at him expectantly but Sokka just couldn’t string together a sentence.

“Sorry,” Zuko sighed. “Too heavy. I’ll just—I’m gonna go… help with dinner or whatever. You rest. I’m sorry.”

And before Sokka could say anything, Zuko was scrambling towards the door, almost tripping in the balls of fabric along the way. The door shut softly behind him. Sokka brought his head into his hands and sighed a shaky breath. _Fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> )':


	12. twelve.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> god the ANGST
> 
> tw--> talks about abuse/zuko explains himself (??)
> 
> lmao also realised that aang only speaks like twice in this so sorry bby have sum more lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry i died again this chapter was hard to write it hurt me 
> 
> thank u to everyone who leaves kudos and comments. yall the best <3

**TWELVE**

* * *

Dinner was awkward. Like, exceptionally awkward. Sokka was sitting at the head of the table, Zuko at the other end, exactly opposite to him. Zuko was animatedly explaining _something _to Aang, who was watching and following along like it was the most interesting thing he’s ever heard. Hakoda and gran-gran were making quiet conversation about what renovations they were going to do next. So Sokka was left with Katara. Normally, not a problem; he loved his little sister, they got along perfectly. But now… it was really weird.

“Aang looks like he’s enjoying Zuko’s company,” Katara mumbled around her bite. Sokka cringed.

“Guess so,” he replied curtly, tearing his gaze from his roommate.

Every so often, Sokka would catch Zuko looking at him, whether purposefully or not, just… _watching. _Normally, Sokka loved all eyes on him. He loved being in centre stage, much to his anxiety’s distaste. But this was uncomfortable. Zuko was staring him down, sizing him up, looking like he wanted to jump up on the table and scream at him. It was weird, Sokka concluded, because they had been co-existing with each other so peacefully recently, that Zuko’s usual glare now set him on edge. And of course, being the wonderful, observant, nosey sister she is, Katara picked up on it.

“What’d you do to him, hm?” She asked casually, scooping up another bite of rice. Sokka almost choked and had to clear his throat.

“I didn’t—I, um…” She raised her eyebrows in disbelief. Sokka rolled his eyes. “Whatever, I just said something stupid and then he got all defensive and deep and I didn’t say anything back and now I think he hates me.”

Katara scoffed. “I don’t think he hates you, dumbass. He looks at you like you shit rainbows.”

“Katara, language.” Now it was her turn to roll her eyes.

“No, he doesn’t ‘Tara. He’s angry. He looks like he’s ready to rip my head off,” Sokka whined, shoving in a mouthful of rice and chicken. “And I know it’s not ‘cause Aang’s annoying as fuck, because he seems just fine talking—”

“Sokka. Language. What is it with you two?”

“Sorry, dad. But you get my point, right?” Sokka pleaded, turning his full attention to Katara. She just sighed and rubbed at her temples. She looked just like their mom whenever Sokka got caught doing something dangerous.

“You’re so stupid, it hurts.” Sokka was about to protest. “No, no. You are. If you can’t tell that he wants you to apologise and kiss him all better, you’re stupid.”

“Katara!” Sokka sputtered, grabbing the attention of everyone around the table. He flushed and sat back in his seat.

“Look! He’s got that look now, see?” She whispered, slapping him softly on the arm a few times for good measure.

And sure enough, when Sokka looked up to meet Zuko’s stare, he was met by profuse blushing and a not-so-smooth attempt to look away like he wasn’t staring. Katara wore a smug smile and whispered a sing-songy “I told you so,” under her breath. Sokka glared at her.

“Shut up, you don’t know shit. Aang’s like the only boyfriend you’ve ever had, what do you know about eye-fucking?” He seethed under his breath, trying desperately not to get pulled up on his language choices.

“Okay, you’re the one who called it ‘eye-fucking’, not me. Case closed, I win,” Katara countered, leaning back in her own seat to push around the last scraps of her meal.

“Whatever, you suck. Nothing you say means anything.” But Sokka knew she was right. He knew he should probably indulge Zuko and apologise, bar the kissing part.

That was how the rest of the dinner went. Sokka catching Zuko staring at him, blushing, looking away, and vice versa. It was painful. Thankfully, though, no one seemed to notice except Katara. Sokka thanked the heavens that Aang was too stupid for his own good. And Sokka knew, as soon as gran-gran voiced her terrible idea, that this night was about to get a whole lot more interesting.

“Y’know, _utarak,_” she said slyly, side-eyeing Hakoda. “I think now that Sokka and his guest are at drinking age, we should introduce them to Krupnik.”

Sokka’s eyes almost blew out of his head. “What? Seriously?”

Hakoda rolled his eyes at his son’s enthusiasm. “I guess. Not Katara and Aang though.”

Katara groaned and crossed her arms, sitting back with a huff. Zuko and Aang just looked incredibly confused.

. . . .

Once everything was packed away, and Katara and Aang were sent off to bed reluctantly, Sokka, Zuko, Hakoda and gran-gran all sat around the coffee table in their living room. Sokka tried to ignore how close Zuko was and tried to convince himself that the honey he was smelling was the liqueur and not his roommate. It was a feeble attempt, but honourable, Sokka thought. Gran-gran carried with her four small glasses and a half-empty bottle of Sokka’s greatest dreams liquified. All the other times his family had indulged, he was too young, forced to sit on the sidelines or banished to his room. But it was finally his moment.

“What’s going on?” Zuko whispered, leaning over to Sokka.

Sokka felt his heart stutter as he got another sickeningly sweet waft of honey. _Okay, _he thought, _definitely Zuko. _“Krupnik is this Polish drink. _Super _strong. Kind of like a right of passage in my family.”

“But I thought you were, or like, your family was Inuit…” Zuko mumbled, shifting back in his seat and away from Sokka.

“Gran-gran’s husband was Polish. It was his tradition.” Zuko hummed.

They watch with awe as gran-gran poured the thick liqueur into the glasses, passing them around. Sokka brought it close to his face and fought back the urge to cringe at the stench of alcohol. _Jesus, this is strong._ He took a sip, a weak cough following. Zuko scrunched his eyebrows up ensuing his own sip. Hakoda laughed softly with gran-gran, the both of them subsequently turning back to their conversation from dinner.

_It was so nice to be home, _Sokka thought, as one glass turned to two, to three, then four. His mind was growing fuzzy as he focused on the soft conversation of his family, the warmth of Zuko pressing gradually closer, the heat from the fireplace licking at his bare arms. It was so good. So soothing. He forgot all about his shitty day, the panic attack, whatever happened with Zuko, his awkward conversation with Katara. This was bliss. His stomach was full, and he was warm, and his head felt so light, and everything was just _so _good. That was until Zuko decided now was the best time to address whatever the hell their conversation was before. Why now, Sokka had no idea.

“We need to talk,” Zuko all but slurred, his head flopping on Sokka’s shoulder as he attempted to whisper that to only him. Sokka, understandably, tensed.

“Yeah… ‘suppose so,” he mumbled back, too inebriated to stop himself from resting his head on Zuko’s.

“Wanna go to your room?” Zuko mumbled, his exhaustion plain in his voice.

Sokka hummed and pushed himself unsteadily to his feet, catching the eye of Hakoda and gran-gran.

“We’re going to bed, see you guys‘omorrow,” he grumbled and held his hand out to Zuko, who more than eagerly took it.

His palm felt warm against Sokka’s own. It was simple. It felt good. It was distracting, grounding him from his messy mind. But the butterflies in Sokka’s stomach could no longer be ignored, and despite wanting desperately to continue this touch, he thought it best to drop Zuko’s hand. He ignored the small, strangled noise of protest Zuko made and sped up the drunken stumble back to his room. Once they were both inside, Zuko closed the door and edged to where Sokka was already sitting on the bed. He looked nervous, Sokka thought, really nervous. His hands were clenching the sleeved of his hoodie, eyes darting around despite his slowed reactions, and Sokka could even _see _his chest moving faster as he took in unsteady breaths. Sokka knew this feeling all too well.

“Hey, chill out man, ’m not mad at you or anything,” he mumbled as Zuko sat down next to him.

“I— really?” Zuko looked up at him, eyes wide. His cheeks were dusted pink, and Sokka couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or his nerves. 

But one thing was for sure, this time around, Zuko didn’t seem all that closed off. There wasn’t that sheen over his eyes that Sokka so desperately hated the last time they did this, and the thought only occurred to him now that that was a defence mechanism. This was Zuko being open with him. This wasn’t Zuko drinking himself numb so he could spill his past to Sokka. Sokka couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah… I get it. The whole Jet thing. I’d be scared too,” he said quietly, a feeling chewing at the pit of his stomach that if he spoke any louder, he’d break Zuko.

Zuko’s eyes welled up, and he bit his lip, turning away from Sokka. He sat forward and pushed his head in his hands, elbows resting on the top of his knees. But, surprisingly, Sokka didn’t feel cut off. He found himself reaching a hand forward, resting it softly on the small of Zuko’s back, rubbing light circles. Zuko was so warm underneath him, Sokka just wanted to wrap him up in a ball and use him as a personal heater. Instead, he just shivered, suddenly feeling the lack of fireplace.

“I—” Zuko started again but cut himself off with a huff. Sokka could see his eyes scrunched up. “I wanted to… y’know, break up with him. B—But he just… I tried, and he didn’t like… let me?”

Sokka frowned. “Wha’ do you mean?”

“H—He said he’d stop… and I felt bad… and I just didn’t try to—”

“What? You can’t seriously believe him, right?”

Sokka knew his anger was the exact opposite thing that Zuko needed, but he couldn’t shake his frustration. After everything he’d been through with his dad, and apparently his sister, why the hell would Zuko stay in a relationship with someone like Jet when he didn’t have to? When he wasn’t blood bound to them? It didn’t make any sense.

“I just don’t get it. You know he’s not going to change Zuko. I refuse to accept that you actually think he’ll stop.” Zuko stayed quiet. He was sitting back up again, but he kept his face turned from Sokka. So, drunkenly, Sokka decided to continue.

“He’s a mean person, Zuko, like, he’s not even nice! He’s just an angry piece of shit who uses violence to get what he wants. He doesn’t actually care about you, you know, he just knows you’re not going to do anything about it or say anything to someone because your dad did the exact fucking thing! And you’re just proving him right b—”

“Sokka shut up!” Zuko snapped, his head whipping around. Now Sokka could see everything. The angry tears, raw, bitten lips, heavy flush. “You don’t know shit about me or him or anything! You only care about this ‘cause you have a stupid crush on me! Add on the fact that you have a girlfriend, you asshole! I don’t need your help; I’ve made it this far on my fucking own.”

And with that, Zuko was storming out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Sokka was fuming. He grabbed a pillow off of his bed, held it to his face, and screamed. He screamed until his throat stung, his chest ached, his head hurt. Why did he have to be so stupid? Sokka’s heart pounded against his rib cage, so heavy with remorse, Sokka was surprised it was still beating. He felt like shit, pure shit. How the hell could he go from apologizing to running Zuko out of the house because of his stupid ass—_wait. _Zuko did leave the house. Zuko, who was only wearing a hoodie. Zuko, who was most likely freezing his ass off, crying outside, because Sokka can’t keep his big mouth shut. _Fuck. _

Sokka scrambled to his feet. He grabbed the nearest jacket from his floor and flew to the door. He flung it open and almost screeched as he saw Aang staring back up at him.

“Sokka? What happened? I heard you guys yelling and then Zuko ran out of the room and ignored me. Is everything okay?” Aang rushed out. Sokka just wanted to cry. So, he did.

“Sokka?” Aang was desperately confused, hands reaching out to pull Sokka into a warm ass hug which he most definitely didn’t deserve.

“I fucked up,” Sokka blubbered, tears staining Aang’s hoodie. “Oh man, I fucked up so bad, I have to go find him.”

“You need to calm down first, I’m not gonna let you have a repeat of before,” Aang warned, but his voice was so soft and caring and _shit, _it honestly just made Sokka feel worse.

“I don’t—I’m fine, Aang, I promise.” Sokka stood straight and took a deep breath, willing himself to stop crying. He plastered the sincerest smile he could manage. “See? I just really need to find him, he’ll freeze.” 

Aang sighed. “If you say so. I’m always here to talk, okay?”

Sokka nodded and gave Aang a thankful, albeit rushed kiss on the forehead. “Love you, monkey.”

“Love you too. Go get your man.” Sokka rolled his eyes but rushed past him, scrambling down the stairs to the front door.

He ignored Hakoda’s questions and pushed himself outside.

“Fuck,” he snapped as he felt the cold air swirl around him. He shook his head. Zuko.

Sokka turned his phone’s torchlight on and looked down at the snowy driveway for any sign of footprints. Sokka squints through his spinning head and wind-whipped eyes, and sure enough, he sees faint boot marks in a beeline leading a little down his street. Sokka swallows hard and huffs, desperately trying to focus on literally _anything _but how damn cold he was. He follows the footprints down his driveway, left at the end, a few meters and then— there he finds Zuko. Sitting on his ass, side leaning against a phone pole, head in his hands, _crying. _Sokka’s stomach drops to his feet.

He edges towards Zuko, scared of how he might react. The closer he gets, the louder Zuko’s sobs become, the easier it is to see his violent shaking. Sokka feels terrible. Absolutely terrible. Not only did he make Zuko cry like that, but he made Zuko cry like that out in the snow. God, he was such a shitty person sometimes.

“Zuko?” Sokka all but whimpers when he gets close enough. Zuko’s head snaps up and the look on his face sends Sokka reeling. He looks devastated, _pathetic _even.

“Fuck off, Sokka. I don’t want to talk to you.” His voice is rough, scratchy, _weak. _

“I—I know.” Sokka swallows the ever-growing lump in his throat. “I just… I wanted to say sorry. I brought you a, uh, a jacket.”

He reaches out and shoves the only source of warmth he’d brought with him at Zuko, not even waiting for him to accept it. Zuko only glares.

“I don’t want an apology. I want you to leave me the hell alone,” he snaps, the few tears he lets past breaking his angry demeanour. “And I don’t need your stupid jacket. You look colder than I am.”

_Of course. _Of course, Sokka can piss him off, yell at him, make him cry, and he would _still _make Sokka take the jacket. Stupid Zuko and his stupid niceness. Why couldn’t he still be an asshole? That would make everything so much easier for Sokka.

“I don’t deserve to be warm right now.” Zuko groaned. “I—I know you don’t want to hear me out, but I need to tell you that I didn’t me—”

“Seriously!” Zuko yelled, cutting Sokka off. He stood up and balled the jacket in his fists. He flung at Sokka full force. “I don’t give a shit what you have to say because you were right, okay? You were an ass about it but you’re right!”

Sokka was frozen. He opened his mouth to say something but Zuko kept going.

“I’m a pussy, okay? I don’t want to stand up to him! I can’t! I stood up to my dad and he burnt half my face off! I’m fucking scared!”

Sokka felt like he was going to vomit.

“I don’t want to lose him because he’s been there for me this whole fucking time. Every time after my dad hurt me, I went to him. He was always there for me. Always. He made me feel good about myself. He told me he loved me when no one else would! I don’t have the luxury of a loving family, Sokka! I don’t get people telling me that I mean something to them whenever they can! I can’t help it when I want to stay with Jet, even _if_ he treats me like shit half the time. Because the other half the time, he doesn’t!”

Sokka’s head was spinning.

“He treats me like I’m worth something! He doesn’t take advantage of me! So, so what if he hurts me? I can take it! I can—” Zuko cut himself off with a sob.

Sokka couldn’t move. He couldn’t think of what to say. He was dumbfounded.

“I just want someone to want me…” Zuko whimpered.

Sokka couldn’t help himself any longer.

He pushed forward, grabbing Zuko’s cheeks. Zuko flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, just _waiting _for the impact. But instead, Sokka kissed him.

It was warm and desperate and everything Sokka was feeling inside of him was pushed into his lips. He was trying with every movement, every touch, to show Zuko just how much he wanted him. How much he needed him. How much he cared about him.

Zuko stood frozen, his hands halfway between their chests, his eyes screwed shut. Sokka pulled away and breathed a shaky sigh. Zuko didn’t move. He didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t close his mouth. He didn’t move his hands. Sokka stomach lurched. He jolted back.

“Oh shit…” He whispered, his breath fogging in front of him. “I—I’m sorry, I—_umph”_

Zuko was kissing him this time. Just as desperate as Sokka was before. His hands were tangled in Sokka’s shirt, gripping at the collar like Sokka was the only thing keeping him grounded on earth. Sokka’s breath hitched in his throat before he let his eyes flutter shut. His hands found their way to Zuko’s hair, tangling themselves in his long curls. Zuko’s mouth was hot against his, hot and sweet, the honey liqueur still lingering on his salty, tear-stained lips. It was everything Sokka had dreamed of and more. His head felt light again. He couldn’t feel the cold anymore. He was tingling from head to toe, all the way down his arms to his fingertips. He felt dizzy in the best way possible. All he could smell was Zuko’s conditioner, snow, alcohol. _God, _Sokka thought, this was everything. 

But then it was all over. There was a cough behind him. _Oh shit. _

He turned around and saw Hakoda looking back at him, eyebrows raised, lips pursed into a thin line. Sokka was about ready to curl up and die. He could hear Zuko’s ragged breathing behind him and _god _Sokka was hoping that some magical deity would fly down from the sky and smite him for being such a fucking idiot.

“I think it’s time you boys come inside.” He sounded mad. _Goddamnit. _

Sokka could only nod. His feet began miraculously carrying him back towards the house. He could hear Zuko trailing behind him, boots crunching in the snow. Sokka just wanted to run and hide. _This was not going to be fun. _


	13. thirteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry bit of a shorter chapter this time i was losing steam ):
> 
> but hakoda being a mf dad!!!! i love him and i want him to dad the shit out of me!!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> ill be real,, ive got some hcs of shit i want to happen but i dont rlly know where im going with this atm. i will definitely be continuing but plot wise, not much is gonna happen any time soon until they get back i'd say
> 
> thanks for putting up with my shit <3

**THIRTEEN**

* * *

Sokka doesn’t think he’s ever been so nervous to walk into his own house. Not when he got his first F in high school, not when he came home all bloodied up after getting in a stupid fistfight, not ever. Sokka could still feel the remains of the alcohol flowing through his veins, but the lapse of fears was replaced by a splitting headache and an uncomfortable fluttering in his chest. Hakoda wouldn’t look at him, he wouldn’t meet his eye. Sokka felt ridiculous. He was 19 for god’s sake and he still had to endure the silent treatment. Zuko was still trailing behind him, staring down at the ground in front of him. At least he looked equally as uncomfortable.

Sokka licked his lips and shuddered. _He kissed Zuko. Zuko kissed him back. _It wasn’t a hypothetical anymore, this was legit. He _actually _did it this time. Going back to his dorm was not going to be a trip he would enjoy. Having to tell Suki about all of this was certainly not something he was looking forward to. Sokka felt his heart clench. _God, _he really fucked that up. If Suki didn’t hate him before, she certainly would now. It wasn’t even like Sokka had meant to kiss Zuko, he was just too drunk to put into words how much he actually valued the guy, even if just in a friendly way. _But kissing someone isn’t all that platonic_, Sokka thought. So sure, Sokka was acting on his feelings there, but who could blame him? Zuko was going on and on about how no one wanted him and that just wouldn’t do, right? What better way to show someone you care about them then with a kiss? He kisses Aang and Katara, not in the same way of course, but still. They count.

As soon as Sokka was enveloped by the warmth of his home, he wanted to scream. Gran-gran, Katara _and _Aang were all waiting by the door, expressions a mix of worry and disappointment. Katara looked mad, and tired, probably being woken up by his and Zuko’s screaming match outside. Sokka could only sigh and look down at his feet. This was embarrassing.

“What on earth were you thinking, _utarak_? You could have frozen out there! And only in a t-shirt, god you’re daft,” gran-gran scolded before shuffling over and wrapping Sokka in possibly the _warmest _blanket he’s ever experienced. Okay, so maybe _she _wasn’t all that mad.

“Katara, why don’t you take Zuko back to his room. Get him so water. I need to talk to Sokka alone,” Hakoda cut in. Sokka heart dropped to his stomach. Oh boy.

Katara nodded cautiously and whispered for Aang to get the water, before grabbing Zuko’s wrist and pulling him gently back up the stairs. He was still sniffling, cheeks flushed a heavy pink, allowing himself to be dragged along. Sokka wanted to cry too, he wanted to be coddled too, not punished or whatever the hell Hakoda was going to do to him. Hakoda put a hand on his back. Sokka all but shuddered.

Hakoda sighed. “I got this mum; you go back to bed.”

Gran-gran nodded and eyed Sokka sympathetically. Hakoda guided Sokka to the living room and motioned for him to sit down on the sofa near the fire. Sokka’s hands started to shake. His throat went dry. This, he thought, was easily one of the worse days of his life. He just wanted to go to bed and cry and forget any of this ever happened.

“We have a lot to talk about, Sokka.” Sokka flinched. _Not even utarak, just Sokka. _Hakoda continued.

“For starters… this morning.” Sokka’s throat clenched. “That was a… panic attack, I’m assuming.”

“I—It’s okay, I can… I can deal with it. You don’t have to do this dad,” Sokka grumbled, keeping his eyes trained on the fire. He heard Hakoda sigh.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Sokka. Your mother went through the same thing before we had you. I understand what it’s like for you. I had a feeling either you or ‘Tara would end up with the same fate.”

“You don’t have to beat around the bush, dad,” Sokka snapped. He turned to face Hakoda, who had the most pitying look Sokka had ever seen. It made him feel sick. “I have anxiety. So did mum. Tell it like it is for once.”

Hakoda clenched his eyes shut. Sokka suddenly felt guilt eat him up inside. This wasn’t easy for him, talking about Kya. It was hard for Sokka to even think about it. He couldn’t imagine how difficult this was for Hakoda. He could see the love his father bore for his mother. The true type of love. Sweet and caring and simple. _Genuine. _

“Where’s the anger coming from, _utarak_? What’s bothering you so much?” Hakoda’s tone was full of care, full of that true love he had for Sokka’s mother. It made his head spin.

“I don’t—I don’t know…” Sokka’s eyes welled up with tears. “So much has happened since I left, I don’t… Nothing makes sense anymore.”

Hakoda sighed again, leaning across from his own chair to settle a warm hand on Sokka’s forearm. “Let me in Sokka… tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

Sokka pursed his lips as he felt a few stray tears push past. “I don’t know what to do about Zuko, dad. H—He’s— his boyfriend like… hurts him… physically,” Hakoda sucked in a harsh breath. “And I’m trying to help him, and I don’t know if it’s just me being selfish because I like him, and I want him to be all mine, but I just don’t know what to do… I don’t listen to him properly… I just get mad and yell and I can tell it makes him feel even worse because I’m supposed to be helping him but I’m doing the same thing and—”

“Sokka, stop. Calm down,” Hakoda interrupts, squeezing Sokka’s arm gently. “You’re not doing the same thing… far from it. I can tell you care about him a lot, and you have your best intentions at heart, even if things don’t always play out the way you want them to.”

Sokka let out a weak sob, pushing his head in his hands. Hakoda’s own hovered slightly before resting on Sokka’s shoulder. It was grounding, loving, comforting. But it made Sokka feel worse.

“But I can’t help him, dad! I get too caught up in my own head that I can’t see that I’m saying the wrong thing or getting angry. It’s fucking frustrating!” Sokka sat back with a huff. Hakoda pursed his lips.

“He seemed like he caught on to what you were trying to get across outside,” Hakoda mumbled quietly, returning his own gaze to the crackling fire. Sokka’s cheeks flushed.

“How much of that did you hear?” He whispered, suddenly feeling hot all over.

“Enough to say this with full confidence.” Sokka’s mouth went dry. “If you fall in love with two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you truly loved the first, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”

Sokka’s head whipped around, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. “What? I don’t love him! I—I only love Suki!”

Hakoda held his hands up, face neutral. “If you say so, _utarak. _Just think about it, okay?”

Sokka’s cheeks flushed. He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. He glared at the fire. Stupid dad. What does he know? Sokka doesn’t _love _Zuko, that’s stupid. He doesn’t know all that much about him anyways. They’ve only known each other for, what, two months? Maybe three? That’s definitely not enough time to fall in love with someone. _Plus, _he wasn’t even in a relationship with Zuko, he loved Suki. And who cares if she’s being distant? She’s still making an effort for him. So yeah. Whatever.

“Just be there for him. That’s all you can do. If he needs your help, he will ask. I’m sure of it.” Hakoda stood up and pressed a firm kiss to Sokka’s hairline. “I’m going to bed, now, love. See you tomorrow.”

And with that, Sokka was alone by the fire. He didn’t love Zuko. Right?

. . . .

Sokka hadn’t realised he fell asleep on the couch until he was shaken awake by Aang screeching. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes, willing them to focus. He looked up to see Katara’s smug smile, Aang’s wide grin, even _Zuko _with an amused smirk.

“What did you do to me?” Sokka shrieked, hands coming up to rub all over his face. Once they met his hair, they froze.

“We decided to give you dad’s specialty,” Katara crooned, ripping Sokka’s hands from where he was tugging at the braids in his hair.

“I hate you all, you can all perish for what I care,” he grumbled, stretching out from where he was sitting.

Sleeping upright on the couch was certainly _not _ideal. Especially with Sokka’s self-diagnosed ancient joints. Katara and Aang wondered off gleefully, leaving just Sokka and Zuko, the latter shifting uncomfortably where he was standing. Sokka gave him a weak smile, which was thankfully returned, in pair with Zuko’s outstretched hand. Sokka took it and was pulled to his feet. He didn’t really know what he expected next, but Zuko hurdling himself into Sokka’s arms was certainly not it.

“‘M sorry,” Zuko mumbled, face smushed against Sokka’s chest.

Sokka only smiled, wrapping his arms around Zuko’s shoulders, holding him close. Sokka could feel Zuko’s whisper soft hair tickling at his nose and buried his face in further to stave of the sensation. He heard Zuko hum softly, nestling in closer himself. It was soft. He was soft. Sokka felt that all too familiar warmth blossoming in his chest. He knew Zuko would be able to feel his heart beating faster, but Sokka was enjoying this embrace too much to care.

“I’m sorry too,” he whispered, hand reaching up to card through Zuko’s hair.

They were interrupted by a cough. _Again. _Sokka wanted to curse out his whole family before he turned around and saw Hakoda’s knowing smile. Goddamn _smartass. _

“Breakfast is ready if you boys are hungry. ‘Tara wanted to go back to the mountains today if you’re both up for it.” And with that Hakoda left.

Zuko groaned softly as he stretched his arms above his head. Sokka stole a glace and couldn’t help but smile again. Even with arms up in the air, Sokka was still taller.

“You’re tiny,” he whispered, relishing in the way Zuko’s face flushed.

“Am not. Shut up,” Zuko hissed back, eyes wenched in his usual glare.

Sokka laughed and threw an arm around Zuko’s shoulder. “Are too.”

Zuko just bit back a smile.

This was nice.


	14. fourteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol???

**FOURTEEN**

* * *

If you had told Sokka 5 months ago that every time he would look at his roommate, he’d feel all giddy like a child, he wouldn’t believe you. If you’d told him that he’d feel a burn in wake of their elbows bumping together, he wouldn’t believe you. If you’d told him that his heart would hiccup in his throat every time they smiled, he wouldn’t believe you. But here Sokka is, cramped in the back seat of his dad’s car, squished in between said roommate and Aang, fighting with all he had in him to _not hold his god damn hand. _A big part of Sokka felt guilty, for various reasons, the two most prominent being that he has a _girlfriend _and he’s getting all flustered over some guy that wasn’t her. Second being that unshakeable feeling that all of his crushing, his actions, words, affections, were stringing Zuko along, toying with his own emotions.

Breakfast had been weird, not necessarily uncomfortable, but definitely, a little left from centre. Sokka had sat next to Zuko, a little too close he decided with hindsight, in a spot that put them both in perfect, scrutinizing line of Katara and Hakoda. Any time Sokka would lean past Zuko, subsequently making them brush up against each other, Katara would quietly gag at the flush that would spread across the both of their faces. She would, in turn, be elbowed softly by Hakoda, before he himself was smirking at them. Aang being Aang, seemed oblivious.

They’d soon piled into the car, where Sokka was now shifting uncomfortably, arguing in his own head whether it would be better to be too close to Zuko or too close to Aang. He settled on Aang, in wake of the events of the previous night. Sure, he would have preferred Zuko, but guilt overpowered all other feelings, so he snuggled up to Aang, rolling his eyes when said boy’s head fell to his shoulder. Katara had opened her camera from her position in the front seat, snapping a photo of her boyfriend draped over her brother. And maybe Sokka had earned a glare from Hakoda through the rear-view mirror for flipping her off, maybe not.

But pulling up into the car park, clambering out of the car, and noticing the way Zuko’s eyes practically lit up at the view of his shitty little down from the top of the mountain, Sokka decided right then and there that it was all worth it. Being able to admire Zuko from afar was worth it. To see him completely unguarded, a sight too rare, was worth everything. It was worth all the grief and the guilt and all the hours he spent laying on his back, glaring up at his ceiling wondering why the hell he had to have such an infatuation with this guy. It was worth it. So, so worth it. Because that once in a lifetime glimpse he’d get every so often of Zuko, all walls down, taught him more than any stupid game of drunk 20 questions they could play, any awkward screaming match that resulted in words that were better left unsaid being shouted in a fit of rage, better than Zuko even explicitly telling Sokka anything.

“You look a little lovesick there, my dude,” Katara whispered, spooking Sokka out of his trance. He slammed a hand over his heart.

“Fu—Don’t do that, idiot,” he snapped back, trying his hardest to muster a glare.

Katara just threw her head back and laughed. Sokka wanted to be mad, wanted to focus his energy on her, but Zuko was now waddling over to him, snow boots _way _too big. Sokka couldn’t help himself thinking, _why does he have to be so goddamn adorable all the freaking time? Who gave him permission to be this mother fucking cute and—_

“Hey Sokka, come build a snowman with me?” _Jesus Christ. _“I saw a good spot for it over there yesterday. Oh! Also, gran-gran gave me a carrot, so we’re good to go.”

“I’m sure Sokka would love to build a snowman with you, right?” Katara replied, upon noticing Sokka just gaping at Zuko, as pink as her own beanie. She elbowed him and gave Zuko a sheepish smile as Sokka continued to stare.

Zuko frowned. “I mean, we don’t have to… or, oh man, I called her gran-gran, that’s your thing, sorry I shouldn’t have—”

“No! L—Let’s, uh… Lead the way, my friend,” Sokka pushed out, clamping a hand roughly down on Zuko’s shoulder, earning himself an undignified squeak, before spinning him around and marching him away from a snickering Katara.

He wordlessly followed Zuko past the tree line, staring down at his feet as they weaved between branches. Sokka found himself having to bend down under a few of them, while Zuko managed to pass under without any effort at all. Sokka made the executive decision that his red face was from the cold. Because it most definitely was.

Zuko led him towards the edge of a lip in the mountain, where the tree line stopped a few meters back. Finally, Zuko had turned around, now greeting Sokka with his arms outstretched, a small smile, and a soft, “ta-da!”

Sokka could only smile back, words lost at the sudden feeling of his insides going all mushy. He knelt down and began pushing snow together, compressing into a shape that mildly resembled a ball. Zuko settled himself nearby, furiously trying to catch up. They sat in silence, both crafting balls of snow. They wordlessly sized them up, deciding to stack Zuko’s on top as it was a little more feeble than Sokka’s.

“Can I make the head?” Zuko asked quietly, breaking the silence between them.

“Course you can,” Sokka replied with a hefty grin on his face.

This was all, much to his surprise, a lot more fun than it had been when he was a kid. Perhaps it was due to his good mood, perhaps due to his increased dexterity in comparison to his younger years. But Sokka was pretty sure it was because of Zuko. Because Zuko was, to be specific, sitting crossed legged in the snow, drowning in his snow jacket, tongue poking out from his lips as he worked up a small ball of snow. And maybe it was because Zuko’s pale skin paired so nicely with the pristine white, or how it contrasted against the dark pine trunks, or how his hair was slowly collecting snowflakes, or maybe because, Sokka entertained, he _did_ love him.

The thought alone hit Sokka like a tonne of bricks, making his breathing go a little short like he actually had the wind knocked out of him. It made his throat dry up. It made his hands feel all clammy in his gloves. It made his skin prick up all over his body. It… made him want to vomit.

“U—Uh, Zuko…” Sokka broke out, perhaps a little too loud, judging by the shock on his roommate’s face. Zuko quirked an eyebrow at him. Sokka swallowed. “H—Hey um, by chance… do you have any water? Just got really thirsty all of a sudden.”

Sokka’s mind was chanting over and over and over _kiss him, kiss him, kiss him. _

“I have a carrot…? But that’s for the snowman…”

“That’ll do!” Zuko frowned. And Sokka’s heart lurched significantly more than usual. He shook his head and pushed out a breathy laugh. _What the hell? _“Just a bite? My mouth tastes really shitty right now.”

Zuko smirked. “Why do you care? Planning on kissing me again?”

_Would that be bad? _“W—What? No. Just, y’know, uh—”

“I was kidding,” Zuko crooned, giggling as he opened his jacket pocket and tossed the carrot to Sokka. “Here. Just a bite though.”

Sokka fumbled with it, before shoving it in his mouth and furiously snapping the end off between his teeth. _Kiss him. _He screwed his eyes shut and focused all of his brainpower on annihilating the carrot in his mouth. When he opened his eyes again, he almost choked as he saw Zuko staring back at him, his cold flush seemingly darker now, eyes wide, soft smile… _kiss him. _Instead, Sokka decided to peg the carrot at him, full force. It bounced off of Zuko’s head before landing in the soft snow. Zuko was, thankfully, staring at _it _now. _Kiss him. _Sokka cleared his throat, maybe too loud and obnoxious once again, but god bless him, Zuko didn’t seem to care. Although, Sokka decided he kind of would have rathered Zuko had noticed, or maybe that he’d hadn’t thrown the carrot, because now Zuko was staring up at him, a playful, yet _evil, _glint in his amber eyes.

“It’s on,” Zuko whispered, before lurching forward to quickly ball up some snow.

And before Sokka could even tell you his own name, they were at war. Zuko had nailed him right between the eyes with his first shot, which, Sokka being the competitive asshole he was, would not stand.

Soon enough they were both a panting mess, Sokka’s hair so dishevelled it had fallen out of his ponytail, Zuko’s own wet with snow. They were laying on their backs, staring up at the treetops, a pink tinge of exertion replacing that of cold. Sokka swallowed hard. He turned his face to meet Zuko’s, smiling softly at the sight of his roommate lying breathless, his eyes fluttering between closed and open thanks to the falling snow. He looked beautiful. Genuinely. Sokka’s stomach twisted. What was happening to him? Sure, seeing Zuko like this would have made his heart flutter a few weeks ago, even a few hours ago. But now it hurt. It was stressful. Sokka was enjoying himself, he really was. He didn’t think he’d laughed this much in months. But he felt so unsettled. It was like his heart was being yanked out of his chest. The thought _just kiss him_ was chanting around in his head, more intrusive than it had ever been before, not just with Zuko but with _anyone_. Sokka’s breath was shaky. He was freezing but he was sure his forehead was sweating. _What the hell is going on?_

“You ruined our snowman,” Zuko mumbled breathlessly, eyes still trained upwards. Sokka blinked, letting a shaky breath fog out in front of him.

Zuko turned his head to face Sokka. There was a delicate smile tugging only at the corners of his lips. He looked tired, albeit incredibly peaceful. Sokka’s heart was beating so hard, he was sure if you listened hard enough you could hear it through his chest.

“How?” He whispered back, propping himself up on his elbows. Zuko let out a haletant laugh and rolled his eyes.

“His nose is missing a chunk.” Sokka found himself inching closer. Zuko rolled onto his side, leaning up on one elbow. “I hope it was worth it.”

Sokka could feel Zuko’s breath dusting across his nose. His eyes fluttered shut as he shuddered. He heard Zuko’s breathless laughter again and opened his eyes. Zuko was staring at him with hooded lids, soft, bitten lips agape. _Kiss him. _Sokka swallowed and turned his head, digging holes in the snow with his eyes. Zuko’s hand twitched where it was resting. _Kiss him. _Sokka used all of his willpower keep his eyes trained at the ground, knowing full well if he was to meet Zuko’s eyes again, it might not be so easy. But like always, Zuko seemed to read his mind, hand twitching once more in its place before resting against Sokka’s jaw, feather-light, like he was scared it would break. _Kiss him. _Sokka turned his head back to Zuko but kept his eyes screwed shut.

His heart was beating harder than it had ever had before. His stomach was in knots. He was breathing so rapidly; he was no longer fogging up the air in front of his face. _Kiss him. _Sokka sat up, forcing Zuko’s hand to fall back into the snow. He pushed his head to his hands and shook it back and forth.

“Sokka? Are you okay?” Zuko was right next to him but he sounded so far away.

_Kiss him. _

Sokka’s jaw clenched. He turned back to face Zuko, brows furrowed and scowl on his lips. Concern danced across Zuko’s face as his eyes darted rapidly around Sokka’s.

“Sokka?” _Kiss him. _

Fuck it. Sokka turned back around and frowned. Zuko was blinking up at him. Sokka was aware of his hands reaching up to cup the sides of Zuko’s cheeks, aware that he’d dragged him closer, aware that their lips met in the middle, but it was so hazy. Sokka could barely feel Zuko’s hands resting on his shoulders, could barely hear the soft noise of surprise upon contact. But his heart was burning. He felt hot all over as soon as his lips met Zuko’s. Sokka didn’t know what came over him. Normally his game was pretty solid, he’d take it slow, build interest, leave the other person wanting more. This time though, he was feverish, yearning, delirious with want. But all it took was Sokka’s tongue running across Zuko’s lower lip for the latter to flinch back, pushing Sokka away in the process.

Zuko’s eyes were blown wide as he swiped the back of his hand over his lips. Sokka’s breath caught in his throat as his surprise fell away into a glare. Zuko looked _pissed. _

“I’m sorry, I—”

“Stop kissing me, you prick!” Zuko snapped, bunching up mounds of snow in his hands, practically seething. “You have a girlfriend, for fuck’s sake! Stop using me!”

Sokka didn’t know what to say. He felt like he was glued to the snow, unable to reach out and stop Zuko as he huffed and clambered to his feet. Zuko shot him one last sharp glare before turning on his heel and stomping back towards the car park.

So Sokka, unable to process what the hell just happened, sat on his ass in the snow until he heard his dad yelling his name through the trees.


	15. fifteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi have a chapter. 
> 
> ~~ writing does help. cant promise it will be frequent. thank you all for the love and support, it means so much.

**FIFTEEN**

* * *

Sokka knew he was in over his head. Way over his head. He couldn’t even stop to think about Suki. His mind was reeling, thousands of thoughts flying through every minute, almost all of them set on Zuko. Zuko, who was feeling used, who was understandably angry at Sokka, who hadn’t really talked to him since they went to the snow. Zuko, who was currently smiling down at the staff member tightening the laces on his skates, who was currently inching closer to some other guy, who was giggling into his gloves as said staff member cracked jokes, grin wide on his stupid, smug face. Sokka felt nauseous just looking at them. He wanted to reach over and punch the guy after he stood and offered a hand to help Zuko stand on shaky skates. It made his skin burn hot under his jacket. It made his throat clench and run dry. It made his face scrunch up into a frown. It was pathetic, really. Sokka felt pathetic.

Sokka didn’t even realise that he was still just sitting at the edge of the rink, glaring daggers at random workers, until Aang sauntered over to him and plopped himself down on the bench next to him.

“You coming out?” He asked softly, leaning his head against Sokka’s shoulder.

Sokka let his eyes fall shut as he sighed. “Ye—ah… Uh, yeah.”

Sokka rubbed his hands over his knees before pushing himself upwards. He smiled down at Aang, who grinned back. Aang held tightly to Sokka’s wrist as they walked out onto the ice, making quiet conversation. Sokka always appreciated when Aang was like this. Quiet, but not unlike himself, just aware enough that Sokka himself wasn’t all that in the mood for loud noises or over-excited conversation.

Eventually, Sokka found Zuko out on the ice, being dragged around by Katara, random staff member no longer glued to him. He looked happy, occasionally throwing his head back with laughter, tripping over his skates when Katara would go too fast, eyes frantic every time the toe picks on the front of his skates would catch and he flailed forwards. Sokka felt himself smiling, a stupid, cheesy smile. One that Aang most definitely noticed.

“He’s really nice,” Aang commented, following Sokka’s gaze to the pair. “I’m glad you brought him.”

Sokka let out a soft puff of air, akin to what you could call a laugh. “Yeah… he’s great.”

Aang just smiled back, eyes crinkling at the corners. He grabbed Sokka’s hand and started skating towards the pair before Sokka could even notice he was being moved. Every glide closer made his heart beat faster until they reached them, and he could feel his pulse vibrating against his throat. When he met Zuko’s eyes he almost passed out.

Zuko was staring back at him, honey eyes glazed and wide, their child-like innocence imbuing Sokka’s insides to melt. Zuko gave him a faltering smile but clumsily shuffled around so he wasn’t turning his back to him. Sokka felt light on his skates. His knees felt like buckling and his free hand twitched next to his thigh, desperate to reach out and hold onto him.

“So, Zuko can’t skate to save his life,” Katara teased, her blue eyes dancing under the neon lights of the rink. “Really not sure why he agreed to this.”

Zuko huffed and rolled his eyes. “We had to do something before we leave, and I haven’t even fallen over yet. I’m not _that_ bad…”

Sokka tuned out. The music surrounding them was loud. Loud enough that to be heard, they had to raise their voices almost to a yell. Loud enough that whenever Zuko spoke, his voice had a raspy edge to it, falling rough past his lips. Sokka wanted to commit it to memory, the way he sounded. It was pareil to how he sounded when he was tired, when he just woke up, when he would come back to their dorm after a long day of classes and work. It was intoxicating. It made his head spin. It was addictive.

_It _is_ love_, Sokka thought_. _That made sense. He’d felt like this before, with Suki. The shortness in his breath, the tightening of his chest, his head spinning, hands getting clammy; it was all familiar, sure, so he loved Zuko. He had to. And that was a problem in itself. But this felt worse. Whenever he was reminded how much he loved Suki, he never… felt sick, his vision never tunnelled, he never zoned out listening to her speak… that was new. That felt weird. But it also felt good. It was euphoric. Sokka constantly felt short of breath around him, his hands seemed like they were always shaking, and he couldn’t get enough of it.

“Sokka, why don’t you help Zuko out? I want to show Katara something,” Aang chirped, his eyes sliding to Katara, a smug smile following. Sokka’s stomach fell to his feet.

“Y—Yeah, of course,” he replied breathlessly, eyes skittering across Zuko’s face to gauge his reactions to this suggestion.

He didn’t seem all that mad, which was good. Great, even. Sokka gave Zuko an instinctive smile, which was, much to his surprise, returned. Even in the dim lighting, Sokka could see a rosiness to Zuko’s cheeks and wondered if it was due to the cold or because Sokka had reached a hand out to grab at Zuko’s own. Either way, Sokka mused, it was ridiculously endearing.

“Can you— uhm, do you need to hold my hand?” Sokka asked sheepishly, once Aang and his nosy sister were out of earshot. The flush on Zuko’s cheeks deepened.

“Yeah, if that’s okay…” Zuko trailed off, eyes, sliding to the ice beneath them. “I can… y’know, um, I’ll sit out, if it’s too… much, I don’t mind.” 

Sokka felt his heart clench. Instead of saying anything, he opted for action. He grabbed Zuko’s hand, smiling when his eyes shot up. _It was more than okay. _

. . . .

Sokka and Zuko stumbled off the ice in a fit of giggles. Sokka had a splitting grin across his face, Zuko one to match. Their hands were still clasped together, walking so close their shoulders bumped. It felt good, genuine, like this whole time they were supposed to be acting like this. They were supposed to be holding hands, and teasing, and brushing up against each other. They were supposed to be making jokes and small talk and have silences between them. It was so Supposed To Happen that Sokka felt so at ease, he barely even noticed Zuko’s admirer staring at them, he didn’t think Zuko even noticed.

Sokka barely realised that they were still holding hands in the back seat of Katara’s car on the way home. He barely realised when Katara and Aang were looking back at the two of them, huddled together as close as they could legally be, Zuko’s legs stung over Sokka’s lap. He barely realised that he had his arm thrown across Zuko’s shoulder, in turn, an arm wrapped around his waist, as they squeezed through his front door. Sokka didn’t think his brain was working anymore until they made it to his room, and he was being pushed back against his closed door, Zuko’s lips fitting in against his.

Sokka let his eyes flitter shut, a sigh being pushed from his nose as his hand drew up to rest on Zuko’s hip. Zuko’s lips were warm and soft against his, slick with saliva and sweet like strawberry lip balm. Sokka’s skin was crawling in the best possible way, all the nerves in his head and neck shooting off in waves. Zuko’s hands were gripping the shirt on his shoulders, balling up fists of material so tightly Sokka could hear the fabric straining. His room was dead quiet, save for the dulcet noises Zuko was humming against his lips.

Then Zuko pulled away, staring up at Sokka with hooded, glassy eyes. “This is a bad idea,” he whispered, in contrast to the placid smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

Sokka hummed and traced his index finger along the curve of Zuko’s jaw. “Pretty terrible idea.”

“I don’t want to stop though,” Zuko mused, his hot breath a stark contrast against Sokka’s lips.

Sokka smiled and tucked a loose lock of hair behind Zuko’s ear. He let his fingers linger, tracing lines against the soft skin behind his ear. Zuko all but melted into the touch, his eyes falling shut and mouth ajar only just, voice catching on a puff of air being pushed out. Sokka took that opportunity to take Zuko’s mouth with his own, tongue running across his bottom lip. Zuko hummed against his mouth, his own tongue darting out to meet Sokka’s.

It was soft and warm and rubbing against the top of his mouth and Sokka felt his knees wobbling at the sensation. His fingers gripped tighter against Zuko’s hip, the other coiling tighter in his hair. Zuko’s hands dropped his shirt, opting to trail down his chest instead, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Sokka did everything in his power stifle the near pathetic noise that was pushing out of his mouth, shuddering when he heard, no, _felt _Zuko groan against him. His hand tightened on Zuko’s waist, tugging him forward. Zuko stumbled against him, hands squashed between their chests, or, Sokka’s chest, Zuko’s collar bones.

Zuko’s skin felt ridiculously hot underneath his fingers, and he was pretty sure he was the same. His head felt heavy and he was starting to have to puff air in and out of his nose in a shameful attempt to keep their lips working together.

Everything about this felt right. It felt like how kissing had always appeared to him in all the dumb romance books he’d read. The feel of Zuko keening against him, head tilting, hands roaming. It was sickeningly perfect. But still, the thought of Suki was clawing at the back of his mind. The toss-up hurt, most definitely. He never wanted this feeling to stop, Zuko was so addictive and sweet and felt perfect under his touch, but he had a _girlfriend. _A girlfriend who trusted him, who he’d promised to that nothing like this exactly was going to happen.

Thankfully, the knocking at his door made the decision to stop an obvious one. Zuko pulled away with a huff and a pout. Sokka couldn’t help but smile down at him before nudging him towards the bed. Then he turned and opened the door to see his dad.

“Hope I’m not interrupting,” Hakoda coughed out.

Sokka swallowed hard and pursed his lips. “No, of course not. We were just… talking.”

“Yes, well.” Hakoda eyed him down, settling on Sokka’s obviously kiss bruised lips. “I was wondering when your flight was tomorrow… I’m assuming you’d like a lift.”

Sokka shifted uncomfortably, toying with the hem of his shirt. “Yes, please. It’s, um, 9:30.”

“Be ready to go at 8.” Sokka nodded as Hakoda narrowed his eyes and leaned in. “You should tell her, _utarak_. This isn’t fair.”

Sokka’s skin burnt up. He dropped his head and mumbled he would. Hakoda gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder before closing the door behind him.

Sokka turned back to Zuko, who was turning his hands over, chewing nervously on his bottom lip. He looked up at Sokka with a high-strung stare, a nervous flush permeating across his cheeks. Sokka sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. He scrubbed his face with his hands.

“That was… stupid,” Zuko mumbled, his head ducking down when Sokka re-opened his eyes. “I’m sorry for… kissing you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m going to talk to Suki,” Sokka blurted out. Zuko’s head snapped up. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but Sokka kept going. “I need to— This is too much.”

Zuko flinched. “I—I know. I overstepped. You… You invited me as a friend and—”

“No, no, Zuko, I…” Sokka paused, taking a deep breath in. “I _really _like you. Like… I want to be with… you.”

Zuko only stared. His mouth was hanging open dubiously, fingers opting to ball up the sheets. Sokka pursed his lips together. _Stupid. _He shouldn’t have said that. That was dumb. But at least he didn’t say ‘I love you’, right? That’s something.

Then Zuko sighed, his shoulders slumping forward. Sokka felt his stomach bubble. He chest suddenly felt all too tight for his straining lungs and pounding heart. His hands started to shake, clam up, clench desperately at the hem on his shirt.

_Why, why, why, why, why? _Why did he have to speak without thinking?

“Sokka…” Zuko croaked. “I… _We _can’t do this. You have a girlfriend, and you _love _her, I know you do. I… am not in the right position for a relationship with… y’know, um, Jet and all, and—"

“It’s fine,” Sokka snapped. He was staring at the ground, a searing pain spreading across his eyes. “Forget I said anything. It was stupid.”

“Sokka, please. You know I like you, right? It wasn’t stupid and if it were any other situa—”

“Don’t. Please.” Sokka hated how weak his voice sounded. He hated how his voice cracked on the last word. “Just get some rest. I’ll… I’ll sleep on the couch. Good night.”

Sokka ignored Zuko’s protests as he fumbled numbly with his bag, grabbing out his pyjamas and wandering out of the door. He ignored the flare in his chest as Zuko grabbed his wrist, opting to yank it out of his grasp before he changed his mind altogether. He ignored it when Zuko cussed him out, shutting his bedroom door more violently than necessary. He ignored how his heart was aching, straining against his chest.

God, this was terrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok also i said dropped my tumblr a few chpts ago but i still don't know how to use it so ???
> 
> main (i don't even use this one,, just all my replies r commented from this?? help?????) - @yalldontevenknow
> 
> atla - zukoasf
> 
> shIpS (haikyuu, atla, skam [lol], vld) - imsogaypls
> 
> thanks u don't have to follow or anything but im open to chat lol i need friends


	16. sixteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i promiSE SOKKA IS HAPPY AT THE END

**SIXTEEN**

* * *

Sokka’s head felt heavy as he fumbled to grab his keys. He felt like he was going to pass out, and, having missed the lock about five times before Zuko huffed and snatched the keys out of his hand, decided that he should probably just take a nap instead of the grocery shopping he was planning on doing. Sokka was glad to be back at his dorm, surprisingly. It never really felt like a home to him before, until he was away from it. It had been great seeing his family again, a refreshing change from university, despite any and all awkwardness and realisations concerning Zuko, but this felt like home now; he’d grown used to it.

Sokka drifted into his room wordlessly, the door clicking softly shut behind him. Zuko hadn’t said anything to him, or anyone, really, since they got to the airport. He’d been hugged and kissed goodbye, just the same as Sokka, and had subsequently shut down as soon as they’d made it through customs. He didn’t make any conversation, but Sokka realised he hadn’t put much effort on that front, either. It was silent between the two of them, through both plane rides, in the taxi home, in the elevator up to their floor; completely quiet. It would definitely be uncomfortable, if not for Sokka’s sudden bout of numbness that had trickled all the way down to his fingertips.

After ridding himself of his shoes, Sokka flopped back on his bed, cringing at the groaning it made under his weight. He stared up at his blank ceiling, studying the bumps in the plaster, chips in the paint, anything to keep his mind active. He was tired, exhausted, but his limbs were too tense, and his heart was thumping unnaturally against his sternum. He could hear Zuko shuffling around outside his room, until there was, again, an all too familiar air horn. Sokka wanted to join him, he loved watching the hockey with Zuko, but now it just felt like he would’ve been intruding. Guilt had settled in the pit of his stomach as his legs twitched to get off his ass and go sit out there instead.

Rather, Sokka just rolled over, his back turned towards the door. He all but glared at the Area 51 poster on his wall, lips pursing as his mind wandered back to a night he’d convinced Zuko to watch a stupid conspiracy documentary about aliens. Zuko had grumbled about it the whole time, but when Sokka would sneak a glace, he had a soft smile on his face.

Sokka felt his heart clench at the mental image before he screwed up his face and groaned into his pillow. He had to do something about all of this. He knew he did. His mind was flashing between having to tell Suki all about his disappointing decision making while he was gone, and the fact that, despite all feelings towards him, Zuko had shut him down, _hard. _In hindsight, Sokka knew Zuko was right. It would be a bad idea to break up with Suki and immediately start going after Zuko, especially since Zuko had yet to shake Jet’s looming presence. It would be unfair to Suki, to Zuko and, most importantly, to himself. Because he did love Suki, he was still attracted to her, and jumping back into a relationship after ending it with her would definitely not be ideal.

Sokka swallowed the growing lump in his throat. _Breaking up with Suki. _Sure, he’d known deep down that that was what he knew he had to do, what his father implied, what _he’d _implied to Zuko, but he’d never thought about it like that directly. The words ‘you have to break up with Suki’ had never been thought outright and together.

His insides felt uncomfortable. His shitty bed felt even worse than it had before. His skin felt tight and hot, despite the iciness of his bedroom. He didn’t even notice that his face was still clenched up until it wasn’t, and the muscles underneath felt sore and overused.

The thought of sleep was long gone at this point. His head was whirring, a jumbled mess of Suki, Zuko, his heartbeat, the announcer blaring out of the speaker. It was too much. But Sokka didn’t know where to go, what to do.

He wanted to see Suki. He wanted her to make him forget about everything, Zuko in particular. He wanted to fool around with her until his lips were numb, and his head was heavy, and his clothes reeked of her perfume. He knew he couldn’t, not after everything he’d done with Zuko, but he felt his fingers twitch towards his phone, nonetheless.

He didn’t even register that he’d punched in her number until he heard her enthusiastic voice through the receiver.

_ “Sokka! Perfect timing, I just got out of class,”_ she chirped. Sokka squeezed his eyes shut and sucked in a breath.

“Hi Suki,” he mumbled back. Her name felt foreign on his tongue.

_ “How was your flight? Sorry, I couldn’t pick you up,” _she asked, her sweet voice being muffled by the chatter of her peers around her.

“It was… fine. I’m glad to be back.” He sighed. “And don’t worry about it. Thanks for offering anyways.”

_“Of course. Did you want to come over for dinner or to watch a movie or something? Or are you too tired?” _Sokka’s stomach clenched. He felt sick. He felt awful.

“Um… I don’t—I, uh…”

_“You don’t… have to, it was just a suggestion.” _She sounded uncomfortable, nervous. Sokka hated it. He hated that he was the one making her feel like that.

He clenched his jaw before sighing out, “Of course I will. What time should I be there?”

The line was silent long enough for Sokka to feel his stomach clench. “Suki?”

_“Uh, yeah, come at 5.” _Sokka pulled his phone away to check the time. 3:30. _“I think we need to talk.”_

“O—Oh. Sure. I’ll see you then.” His reply was choppy. His heart felt like it was clawing up his throat.

_“See you later.” _Was all she said before promptly hanging up.

Sokka held his phone idle against his ear. He felt like he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. He was just… stuck. Sokka felt stuck. He was torn between his obsessive feelings for Zuko, his fleeting, yet overpowering feelings for Suki, and all the while, keeping up with his damn engineering degree. Oh yeah, he was still in a class, he still had homework, he still had an assessment task looming over his head that his prof had assigned them over the short break.

Sokka rolled onto his back. His chest felt heavy, heavier than the rest of his body. His eyes fell closed, and he bit his lip to hold back the stinging sensation behind them. Sokka’s bottom lip quivered around his teeth. Goddamnit. Why the hell was he crying?

Sokka sat up. He dropped his phone back onto his bed and scrubbed his hands over his eyes, a shaky breath falling past his lips. Sokka pursed his lips and pushed himself off his bed. If he was going to be miserable, he might as well be miserable with someone he liked.

All it took was Sokka shutting his door with more vigour than usual for Zuko to snap his head around. Sokka took this split second of eye contact to take in Zuko’s uncharacteristically dishevelled appearance. His eyes were red and swollen, laying heavy above stupidly dark under eyes. He looked pale, but… not in the way Sokka remembered. It was ashier, duller, and the tv screen wasn’t helping. He looked tired. Really tired.

Sokka sucked in a harsh breath and tugged on a smile. It was forced, that was obvious to the both of them. Zuko, thankfully, smiled back. It was equally forced.

“Do you… Do you want to watch? It’s um,” Zuko swallowed hard. “Sharks vs Canucks.”

Sokka face softened. This time he thinks he actually did smile. “Who’s winning?”

“Sharks,” Zuko grumbled, frowning. Sokka puffed out a laugh.

Zuko had looked back at the screen by the time Sokka had sat down, thankfully. He really, _really _didn’t want to make Zuko feel any worse, and he knew he would do just that if he let himself be pitied by him.

The all too familiar silence settled between the two of them. Sokka couldn’t help but pick up on all the changes between this time and all the others. This time Zuko was sitting as far away as he could, squished up hard against the armrest. This time Zuko wasn’t leaning on his shoulder, pressing into his side. He wasn’t even sharing his blanket. Zuko was staring hard at the tv screen, but Sokka could tell he wasn’t paying attention. His eyes were trained off to the right, still on the screen, but not where you’d be looking to watch and pay attention to what was happening.

Sokka’s heart felt hollow. His stomach was bubbling uncomfortably. His arms were sore from clenching and settling repeatedly. His legs felt like dead weight against the couch. He just felt… shitty, really. Empty. This was not going to be easy.

. . . .

As Sokka climbed the steps to Suki’s flat, his hands started to shake. He could play it off as a reaction to the cold since he’d irresponsibly left his gloves in his bag at home, but he knew that wasn’t the case. He knew what had to happen.

Sokka’s lips had chapped due to the cold. His skin felt tight, too tight. It was taking every inch of his willpower to not turn back around and run home. Sokka shook his head, he had to do this. This was something that had to happen. Breaking up with Suki was inevitable. It had to happen at some point. Sokka just never thought it would be because _he _started liking someone else. He always thought it would be Suki who’d lose interest, who’d catch eyes for someone else. Apparently not. Sokka couldn’t help but feel bad. He did love her; he knew he did. Just the thought of her, her smile, her soft body, her droning on excitably about her newest experiment; it made his chest feel all warm and fuzzy. But whenever he was with Zuko, whenever he thought of _him, _it was like his senses were dialled up to 100. Every brush of skin left flames in its wake.

Sokka found himself knocking on her door. He inhaled sharply as the door was flung open almost immediately. Suki was staring up at him, an unreadable expression contorting her normally soft features. Sokka didn’t know what she was feeling, but he knew it wasn’t good.

She wordlessly stepped aside, motioning for him to come in. Sokka’s arm brushed against hers as he huddled through, but the touch made his stomach clench where it would usually tingle. He stood aimlessly in her living room, eyes training nowhere, hands wringing at the hem of his jacket. He felt hot. He felt like vomiting. He felt like crying and yelling and running away and doing literally _anything _else than what he was doing right then.

Suki had followed him to where he had wandered, opting to instead sit on one end of the couch, arms crossed over her chest. When Sokka met her eyes, he just about burst into tears. He felt his bottom lip wobble as curse words fell breathlessly out of his mouth. Her stone-cold expression faltered, concern pulling her lips into a frown.

She sighed. “Look Sokka, I don’t know what happened when you were gone, but—”

“Suki, I’m so sorry,” Sokka choked out. He felt tears push over his eyes and run down his flaming cheeks. “I—I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Suki's mouth was left hanging open. Her eyes were blown wide. “Um, okay. I was—Wait, do you mean… Are you breaking up with me?”

Sokka’s whole face pinched closed. Hot tears were blurring behind his eyelids, nose scrunched up. “I—I’m so sorry Suki, please don’t hate me. I—I still love you, a lot, but I just can’t—”

“Hey,” she interrupted, voice softer and calmer than he’d ever heard before. He felt her hand clasping at his, but he kept his eyes clenched shut. “Sokka, it’s okay… please look at me.”

Sokka shook his head furiously. “I—It’s not okay! I kissed him, Suki! N—Not just once, but _lots. _Like a lot, a lot. It’s the furthest from okay, I fucked up. I—”

“Sokka.”

He felt like screaming. He snapped his eyes open and glared. She should hate him. She should be yelling at him. She should be doing everything she isn’t. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t deserve this. Suki was a good person. One of the kindest, smartest, most wonderful people he knew. So why the hell was this _okay? _

“Look,” she sighed, bowing her head. “I’ve had the feeling for a while that you started liking him more than me. I’ve known for a while how much you love him, even if you didn’t realise it yourself.”

Sokka just wanted to sink into the floor.

“I agreed to you taking him because I knew it would clear up that feeling for you.” She looked back up at him, and Sokka wanted to rip his heart out upon seeing her eyes welling up with tears. “I think you know it now. It had to happen. And I—I’m okay with it… because I saw it coming, I’ve gotten used to it. I’ve accepted it. I—I’ve moved on.”

Sokka blinked. “W—What?”

“I, um… I kind of have a thing for Toph, personally. I mean, I didn’t kiss her, asshole, but… I like her. And I know you like Zuko so… I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways.”

Sokka felt his heart clench. His stomach dropped to his feet. “I—I…”

“You know I love you. I’ll love you forever, and I think it's safe to say you feel the same way so… let’s just, y’know, call it here. End on a good note.”

Sokka’s throat was too dry to get any words out, so he just nodded. He couldn’t help himself when he lurched forward to wrap her up in his arms, giving her the most bone-crushing hug he could muster. She laughed against his shoulder, arms circling around his chest. Her face buried into his neck and Sokka felt his heart blooming. He was still crying, sure, but it wasn’t bad anymore. And sure, it hurt. He no longer had his girlfriend but knowing the love between them was still there helped, even if it had changed in nature. She felt perfect in his arms, not in the way she had before, but in a way that was more sustainable, arguable _more_ perfect.

So, his mood was easy to pick up. Especially easy when they watched a movie, when they fought over Chinese takeout, when she walked him to the door and kissed his cheek as one final goodbye.

It felt good to change her contact name from his previously obnoxious ‘_the best person in the world <<<<333333_’ to a more suitable ‘_suki <3_’. It felt good when he shot Katara a text, a simple one reading simply:

_To / dumbass asshole_

broke up w suki,, we good tho (: <3

And it felt even better when he got her reply:

_From / dumbass asshole_

oop go get ur mans


	17. seventeen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zukos?????? pov??????? omfg
> 
> \-- edited bc i got the timing mixed up oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what im doing lmfao enjoydjfhskjdbfs

**SEVENTEEN**

* * *

Toph snickered as Zuko crossed his arms with a huff. Her fingers were running over the menu in front of her.

“Y’know, why you’d suggest somewhere else really baffles me, hot stuff,” Toph hummed, her straw shuffling around idly in her mouth. “Your uncle’s place is the _best. _Plus, they have menus I can read.”

Zuko pursed his lips. There was most definitely a reason he requested they go somewhere else, and that reason was most definitely his roommate. Nonetheless, he sighed, eyes flittering over the menu he’d read a good thousand times.

“_Because _I need to talk to you about something embarrassing and I don’t want uncle to find out,” he drawled, eyebrows furrowing when she smirked, _again. _

“I didn’t think he worked on Tuesdays… Besides,” she grinned, “you shouldn’t keep things from family. Iroh would love to hear all your juicy secrets, direct from the source. It’s not like I don’t tell him everything we talk about anyway.”

Zuko choked on his tea. Toph just laughed again.

“You’re evil, you know that, right? I don’t know _why _I still tell you things,” he spat, face scrunching up at the complete lack of malice in his tone.

“You love me, grumpy. But please, spill the beans. Who’s got you all flustered?”

“I didn’t even—How do you know this is about someone?” Zuko countered, doing his best to ignore his burning cheeks.

“Because you’re as easy to read as an open book, and I’m blind. So, shoot. Who is it?” Toph cut herself off with a gasp. “Oh my god, please don’t tell me it’s Jet. I swear to god, if you still talk to him, I’m going to bash your—”

“It’s not him! I don’t… talk to him anymore. I—It’s, uhm… someone else.” Zuko shifted his gaze to the table, suddenly feeling his skin crawl.

He felt bad lying to Toph. He really did. He knew it was futile, as well. She always had her ways of finding out. But another lecture about Jet was going to send his head spinning. He got it enough from Sokka; they’d rehashed that specific argument more times than Zuko could count on his two hands. It was getting to the point where he just considered lying again, because, well, who was Sokka to stop him. This was Zuko’s choice, and he’d keep making it until _he _didn’t want to. Not until Sokka told him.

“Oh no, don’t think I’m dropping it that easily, I know you’re lying.” Zuko scrunched up his face and huffed. “But… it is someone else, that much is true.”

Zuko licked his lips and brought up his teacup. He stared down at the specks of leaves at the bottom, focusing on the way they swirled in the peach coloured liquid.

Ever since they’d gotten back, he’d tried to keep his distance. He tried being short with Sokka, snappier than usual. He tried staying at the library later than normal or taking shifts on the days he knew Sokka would be home. But their interactions were unavoidable. It felt like he had a magnet in him, one specifically designed to attract Sokka. When he’d be sitting in the library, headphones on, smashing out a prose fiction, Sokka would pop up behind him and snatch the headphones away, before situating himself right in front of Zuko, banishing all of his desire to work. When he would sip his coffee behind the counter of the convenience store, struggling to keep awake on his graveyard shifts, Sokka would show up with the case of the munchies and buy half the snack aisle, before deciding to sit on the floor near Zuko’s chair and chat away until the sun was rising. It was… nice, really nice, but worked against all of the firewalls Zuko had put up between them.

“I… don’t know what to do about my roommate,” Zuko finally mumbled, setting his teacup back into its saucer.

Toph rolled her eyes. “No duh. What specifically is he doing?”

“He’s… making it hard for me to hate him,” Zuko all but whispered, keeping his gaze set on his folded hands. “A—And I need to hate him because… right now I, um… really, _really _like him.”

Zuko cringed as his voice rose an octave towards the end. He squeezed his fingertips together.

“What? That doesn’t make sense. Why do you _want _to hate him? Why would you ever go out of your way to hate someone, you moron? Are you that emo?” Zuko cleared his throat at the heavy sarcasm laced in her retort.

“N—No, it’s just…” He sighed, settling his elbows on the table with enough vigour to make the teapot rattle before scrubbing his face. “He has a girlfriend b—but he apparently likes me too and I… I’m not good at this. The only way I can think to fix this is if I don’t like him anymore, ‘cause he can focus on his girlfriend and I can focus on my stupid degree.”

Toph’s eyes narrowed. She chewed the inside of her cheek, clicking her tongue a few times. Her heavy sigh was what brought Zuko’s face upwards. He scowled, knowing full well she couldn’t return it until her hands grabbed aimlessly at his wrists.

“Shot in the dark here, is his name Sokka?” Zuko’s mouth ran dry.

“H—How did you—”

She snorted and sat back in her chair. “Wow, this is top shit, right here.”

“Toph, what are you talking about? How did you know—”

“They broke up. His ‘girlfriend’ is my roommate. We are very much hooking up.” Zuko didn’t even have to look at her face to know she was grinning.

All he could focus on was the sudden pounding in his ears, his fingers shaking against the wooden table, the parched feeling in his mouth. That’s why Sokka had been spending so much time with him. That’s why Sokka was _always _around. But if Sokka liked him so much… why didn’t he tell Zuko that they’d broken up? Did he not like Zuko anymore? Did he not want a relationship anymore? It had been a few weeks since they’d gotten back, was that enough time for Sokka to forget all about his feelings? Did he even like him in the first place?

“Hotstuff, I need you to reply to me here, you still breathing?” Toph asked with a snicker, miraculously landing a flick right on his forehead.

“H—He didn’t… tell me anything,” Zuko murmured, swallowing hard in a pathetic attempt to wet his mouth.

“Hey,” Toph began, now sounding uncharacteristically sweet. She rested her hand on top of his. “I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by not telling you. They were dating for quite a while, it’s probably still a little fresh.”

But Zuko didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say. All this time, Sokka had been coaxing more and more out of him, pushing him to say things he’d rather have left unspoken, even telling him that he’d liked him this whole time, but when it came to his turn… Zuko was left in the dark.

He scowled again. But this time it wasn’t as a response to Toph’s teasing, it was at himself. He felt like an idiot. Of course, Sokka was lying when he told him he wanted to be together. Of course, Sokka was lying when he told him he liked him. Zuko thought back to when he’d found out, the situation they both experienced, and felt tears stinging the back of his eyelids. _Stupid. _

Zuko’s chest felt tight. His head was swarming with doubt and anger and… hurt. He was hurt. His arms felt like weights against the table. Toph was still talking, but Zuko couldn’t hear her over the pounding in his ears. He had let his guard down and he let himself be whisked away in a fantasy once again, and it was all coming back to bite him, once again. With hindsight, Zuko cursed himself. Why would Sokka ever, in any conceivable reality, like _him? _Of all people, him. It made no sense. Sokka was _beautiful_ and thoughtful and loving and Zuko had somehow managed to confuse his good nature for a crush. He wanted to go back in time and yell at himself, warn himself to not get carried away, plead with himself to not spill his life story, or share his interests. He wanted things to go back to the way they were when they first met. Bitter, faceless, empty. He didn’t want his heart to swoon every time Sokka smiled at him, or laughed at his impassive insults, or brush up next to him when they were walking side by side. He wanted Sokka to tiptoe around him again, scared to say the wrong thing. He wanted Sokka to hate him. It would be so, _so _much easier.

Zuko swallowed the lump in his throat. He grasped for his teacup and threw the rest of it back. His chair scraped across the floor as he stood up, catching the attention of a few other patrons, Toph included, who was now gaping up at him.

“What’re you doing? Are you leaving?” Her normally even voice now ran an undercurrent of worry. “Zuko, you can’t just leave me here!”

“I’ll get Sokka to figure some—something out. I need…” Zuko cringed at his stutter. “I h—have to go. I’m sorry.”

Zuko didn’t look at her as he left a $5 note on the table. He didn’t look back as he walked towards the door. He didn’t turn around as she shouted his name.

He bit back tears as he texted Sokka.

_To / why am i one of ur only contacts, get some friends zuko_

Tell your ‘girlfriend’ to get Toph from uncle’s coffee shop.

He almost threw his phone against the sidewalk as he read Sokka’s reply.

_From / why am i one of ur only contacts, get some friends zuko_

will do. u ok????

. . . .

Zuko squinted as he tried to read the sign taped to the elevator in front of him.

‘Out of Order. Use stairs.’

Zuko rubbed his eyes as the words blurred out. His hand smushed the up button again but to no avail. Zuko’s arms were buzzing and his head was swaying, and in any other situation, he would feel great, but right now all he wanted was to be in his bed. Maybe he really did need to get his eyes checked again.

Zuko huffed and turned around, sliding down against the elevator door until he found himself sitting on the shitty linoleum floor. He mulled over his options and decided that, as much as he never wanted to speak to Sokka again, he couldn’t sit on his ass in their shifty dorm apartment for the remainder of the night. So, with great hesitation, he thumbed Sokka’s stupid contact name.

It rang 5 times (not that he was counting) until Zuko heard a shuffle on the other end of the line.

_“Zuko? Do you know how late it is?” _Zuko swallowed hard. He sounded exhausted.

“How do you, um… ‘M stuck,” he mumbled, words slurring together more than he’d liked.

_“What? How fucked are you right now?” _Zuko snorted.

“Very. I’m stuck downstairs,” he drawled, his nerves being replaced by a fluttering feeling at the base of his stomach.

_“Great… okay. How are you stuck?” _Sokka asked with a sigh, and more shuffling ensued. Zuko assumed he was dragging himself out of bed.

“The elevator won’t work and… and I can’t read what it says.” He smiled when he heard Sokka bite back a laugh.

_“It’s broken, dummy. You have to take the stairs,” _he chimed but made no effort to stop his rescue mission. Zuko heard the front door shutting and Sokka clicking it locked. _“I’ll be down in a second, please don’t fall asleep or anything.”_

“Lookin’ for’d to it,” Zuko slurred, fighting to keep his eyes from fluttering shut.

It was hard, to not fall asleep, especially when he felt warm all over. His hands were tingling, and his chest felt light and no matter how hard he tried to remember that he was supposed to be angry, Zuko couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face.

Out of everyone he knew, Zuko had accepted that he had one of the weakest resolves. No matter how angry or upset Sokka made him, just hearing his voice set Zuko’s heart aflutter. It was embarrassing, really, how whipped he was.

But, Zuko didn’t feel all that alone in this. Not when Sokka was scooping him up off of the ground, or when he whispered stupid jokes that sent him reeling as they climbed back up to their dorm, or when he kissed Zuko’s forehead after tucking him in bed. No, despite his tantrum earlier on that day, Zuko let himself grasp at the little strand of hope that Sokka maybe did like him… still.


	18. eighteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw (????) -->
> 
> \- drinking (the bad kind)  
\- the smallest bit of non-con kissing its not that bad but be aware

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so soRRY

**EIGHTEEN**

* * *

As soon as he was dismissed, Sokka stormed out of his prof’s office. She’d returned the marks for a draft plan of a build they would be doing, and, despite the seemingly endless hours he’d put into it, Sokka had failed. Miserably. It was _bad. _So bad, apparently, that he had to see her after class. She went through the basics with him, asking how he was, or why he thought he did bad, but what struck him the most was the mention of anxiety. Sokka found himself frowning throughout her entire spiel, homing in on the fact that his dad had, without his permission, rung his university and told them about it.

That wouldn’t really have been a problem if not for the fact that Sokka had never really gotten himself diagnosed. And he never told the school because, well, he couldn’t give them any solid confirmation. So now his teacher was fretting over him, telling him he should see a psychologist if it was affecting his work, trying to organise a time for him to see someone the school offered, and he wasn’t having a bar of it.

Sokka had appreciated the help, of course, but it was embarrassing him to no end, because, no, it hadn’t been his anxiety that made him turn in something that he knew wasn’t all that great, it was Zuko. Sokka didn’t blame him, per se, but he had been spending an ungodly amount of time chasing after him.

His mind was in shambles after breaking up with Suki. He’d never realised just how much he relied on her until he couldn’t. She was still there to help him, of course, but it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t the centre of her universe anymore, and that change hit him like a tonne of bricks. Not only did he lose his number one hang out buddy, but he lost his distraction. Which should be a great thing, but unfortunately not. Now when Zuko was in a slump and yelling at him every five seconds, he couldn’t waste his time talking to Suki, or go to her house, or anything. It did leave him more time for homework and cooking, but he didn’t have the drive anymore.

Everything felt deflated. The things he used to like doing or take satisfaction in completing just didn’t cut it anymore. Cooking seemed like a task, a fruitless one, and he no longer got a kick out of finishing a huge essay. Zuko was shutting down any and all of his flirtatious attempts, seemingly colder after Sokka had rescued him from the lobby of their dorm. He was beyond confused and severely unmotivated and now Christmas was approaching, and he just wanted to quit school and fly home. He felt like he hit a rut. A big one.

So, when Sokka woke up that morning to loud clatter and Zuko’s excessive shouting, he was very much intrigued and very much confused.

Sokka had barely slept the night before, spending his night mulling over all of his failings of the past few weeks instead. He couldn’t shake the groggy feeling in his head as he clambered out of bed and shoved his cold feet in slippers. He could still hear Zuko’s muffled voice cursing and insulting through his door, but as he heard more noises like things were being thrown around, his intrigue was swiftly replaced by fear.

When he peaked his head out of his door, he spotted Zuko sitting on the arm of their couch, phone to his ear, with the most gruesome scowl Sokka thinks he’s ever witnessed. He shoots Zuko a look of concern, feeling his own face tighten up in a frown. He was, as expected, immediately shut down with a flick of Zuko’s wrist followed by his departure from their dorm. Sokka sighed.

Self-doubt was something Sokka dabbled in. Only on occasion. This situation with Zuko, as it turned out, was one of those occasions. Because Sokka never had any problem picking up people he found attractive. He was a flirt all throughout high school, even when he started dating Suki. He couldn’t help it. He thrived off of making people flustered and stuttering, his confidence soaring when they’d return his affections with shy smiles and blushes. And it had worked with Zuko, but only to a point. Now, whenever he so much as side-eyed Zuko, he was glared at and pushed away.

It left him hopeless. His confidence went down the drain and he was 99% convinced that any and all feelings Zuko seemed to have for him were gone. Sokka didn’t like to think of himself as someone who moped, but he was most definitely sulking when he would sit on the couch and eat ice cream and watch sad romance movies whenever Zuko went to work or class. Sokka felt pitiful if anything. He was embarrassed for himself and he couldn’t imagine how Suki or Toph would feel whenever they came over and saw him eating away his disgraces in the same clothes that he’d worn for two days.

Christmas break was a blessing for Sokka. Everyone had started having parties, more than usual, and thanks to Sokka working over his classmates while his ego wasn’t smashed to pieces, he was invited to most of them. Sadly though, Zuko was invited to a good portion of them as well. So, they’d go together, separate as soon as they got there, and at the end of the night, Zuko would drag an absolutely plastered Sokka home. It was a good routine, Sokka thought, save for the occasional night when he’d drink too much and would wake up to a particularly sour Zuko who had spent all night making sure he didn’t puke himself to death.

But it was working. Sokka was able to drink enough to forget all about his roommate, he could focus on someone else, even if it was just for a night. It was a relief. It was worth it even if he woke up with a splitting headache. Even if Zuko wouldn’t talk to him for the entirety of the next day. Because Sokka’s heart no longer ached when Zuko ignored him. He could now reason with himself that he was doing it because Sokka had _actually _done something wrong, rather than just existing. He would be glared at because Zuko would have to sit next to him while Sokka puked his guts up. He would be glared at because Zuko had to, more often than not, drag him away from where he was sucking face with some random student at a party. He would be glared at when he did something that contradicted what he told Zuko were his feelings. It was shitty, Sokka did feel bad about it, but it hurt a whole lot less than before. He had the physical pain to match it. It was easier to ignore how he felt when Zuko would straight up ignore him. Because while his roommate pretended he didn’t exist, Sokka could pretend his feelings didn’t exist.

It was one of those days. One where Zuko left as soon as he saw that Sokka was alive and awake. One where Sokka sat on his ass all day, nursing a hangover. One where Sokka’s heart stuttered like a numb void in his chest and he couldn’t even bring himself to smile when he scrolled through all of the videos Suki had sent him. One where he found himself waiting for Zuko to come home, struggling to keep his eyes open as the clock ticked over 12, 1, 2…

Sokka was half asleep when Zuko came back. His throat was dry, and his head still hurt. He hadn’t eaten anything since midday when Suki had dragged him out of the house. His arms felt heavy, his chest hurt, his eyes stung.

Zuko frowned at him after he shucked his coat off, before shivering and turning on their shitty, impromptu space heater. Sokka swallowed hard when Zuko edged closer to the couch and looked down at him, his face pulled tight with… concern?

“You look like shit,” he whispered. Sokka almost choked on his laugh.

“Thanks,” he grumbled back.

Zuko pursed his lips. “I think we should talk.”

Sokka felt his stomach drop. He looked away from Zuko’s piercing stare and wrung his hands together. Zuko nudged his legs until he swung around.

“You… uhm,” Zuko hesitated, biting his lip, eyes flickering over Sokka’s face. “I think you should stop going out.”

Sokka frowned. “No.”

“But you—” Zuko sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sokka, you look two drinks away from dying.”

Sokka huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, like you care,” he spat.

“I—what? Of course, I care,” Zuko sputtered, eyebrows knotting together. “I can’t stop you, but… but I sure as hell am close to leaving you on the fucking curb. I don’t think I can stomach you puking in my shoes one more time.”

“Then do it,” Sokka drawled, rolling his eyes.

He flicked his head up to glare at Zuko, almost second-guessing his anger when he saw just how glassy Zuko’s eyes looked. Zuko looked all but taken aback. His mouth was hanging open, only just. His pale cheeks were tinged pink, his brows pulled down in a scowl. But it wasn’t an angry one. It was one that made Sokka’s stomach lurch.

“B—But…” Zuko clammed up when Sokka narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Whatever. Drink yourself to death.”

Zuko stood up. He gave Sokka one last despondent look before sulking to his room, the door closing softly behind him.

Sokka cried. He’s not quite sure why.

. . . .

Sokka’s ears were ringing. His body was so unbelievably hot. His mouth felt dryer than it ever had before. His feet felt like weights as he shuffled through the masses of people. All of Sokka’s prayers were answered as he came across a couch. He gracelessly slumped down next to a couple swapping saliva and cringed. Better than nothing.

He’d lost Zuko early on. Despite all protests, Zuko had agreed to go a Christmas eve party with him. Whether he genuinely changed his mind and didn’t care anymore, or he was just too worried to stay away, Sokka didn’t mind. He still got there relatively problem-free.

But now, as he felt the room spinning out in front of him, he kind of regretted coming. He hadn’t drunk this much in a while. He hadn’t felt this helpless in _years. _He felt hot and tired and sick and he tried to blink his vision into submission so he could find Zuko and whine until they went home.

Sokka didn’t even realise that he’d closed his eyes until he was tapped on the shoulder and a bleary figure was standing in front of him. He wanted to vomit as a girl grinned down at him. But he bit it back and gave her a pitiful smile.

“Hi,” she all but shouted over the music. “‘M name’s Ella.”

“Sokka.” She smiled again and narrowed her eyes.

“I know. You’re in my Maths 1 class. You’re really cute.”

Sokka felt his cheeks heat up. “Oh… thanks.”

She bit her lip. “Can I sit?”

“There’s no room… _oh. _Oh. Yeah.” Sokka moved his arms from his lap, finding them resting on her hips when she sat down.

Her fingers travelled up his arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake, but it wasn’t the nice type. It was the ‘I am going to vomit if you keep touching me like that’—drunk type. His eyes fluttered shut as her fingers cradled his jaw. He wanted to push her away. He wanted to tell her to stop. But his words were catching in his throat and he all he could do was sit there.

When he opened his eyes again, she was smiling down at him. She was cute, sure. She had blonde hair pulled back into a small bun, her eyes were a soft blue, her nose bridge littered with freckles. She was definitely appealing, but Sokka wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. He felt a shiver run down his spine as her breath fanned across his cheeks and steeled himself so he would cringe back at the smell of liquor permeating off of it. 

“I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while now,” she whispered, leaning in close enough for him to hear.

Sokka gave her a wobbly smile and tried in vain to stop himself from throwing her off his lap. He almost didn’t notice the way her eyes flicked to his lips, but alas, he was too drunk to register it. And then she was kissing him. He screwed his face up and yanked his head back, cringing when it hit the wall behind him.

“No…” he mumbled, feeling her pulling his face closer. “Don’t wanna do that.”

She either didn’t hear him or didn’t care, because it took his fingers digging into her hips for her to stop. She pulled back and scowled.

“Why the hell’d you do that? That hurt,” she hissed.

Sokka bit his wobbling lip, eyes darting around in search of an escape. When she gripped his jaw tight, he blinked up at her.

“What? You don’t think I’m good enough? Looking for someone else?” Sokka cringed as her hand tightened.

“Get off. Please.” He tried to make his voice as hard as possible, but sure enough, it cracked, and he sounded like he was whinging, and he was sure she noticed how close to tears he was.

She huffed. “C’mon, really? Don’t try and tell me you don’t like hooking up with—”

“What are you doing?” Sokka’s head snapped up. Zuko was glaring at him over the girl’s shoulder.

“Zuko!” He gave him an all but pleading look and mouthed ‘help me’. Zuko sighed.

“Who the hell are you?” Ella asked, twisting around in Sokka’s lap to glare at the interruption.

“His boyfriend. Please get off of him.” Zuko’s voice was sourer than Sokka had ever heard him before, and now he was more than glad to be the test subject for his roommate’s withering stare. He may look short and soft, but Zuko’s glare was killer.

And it worked because as soon as she made eye contact with Zuko, Ella was scrambling off of his lap. Sokka missed it when she flipped him off, opting to smile up at Zuko instead. He didn’t get one in return.

“Get up. We’re leaving.” Sokka swallowed the lump in his throat and grabbed at Zuko’s outstretched hand.

Sokka let himself be pulled out of the frat house. Zuko dragged him for two blocks more before dropping his hand and motioning for Sokka to sit on the curb. He obliged and found his head resting against Zuko’s knee. Zuko, who was alternating between glaring down at him and tapping away at his phone.

“I didn’t want to kiss her,” Sokka found himself mumbling.

Zuko sighed. “Maybe if you didn’t drink so much, you’d be able to tell her to stop next time.”

Sokka snorted. “Tha’s true. ‘M not gonna stop though.”

Zuko made a tested noise and pursed his lips. Sokka blinked up at him, vision wavering. Before he could stop himself, he was nuzzling against Zuko’s ripped jeans. Zuko’s hand came down and pushed his head back gently.

“Stop doing that. I’m mad at you.” Sokka hummed, frowning.

“Will you talk to me if I stop drinking?” He mumbled.

His words tasted like acid in his mouth and he couldn’t tell if it was because he wanted to vomit or his last bit of inhibition. Either way, he felt incredibly uncomfortable. But, either way, he couldn’t stop himself from pressing it.

“I don’t like it when you ignore me.” Zuko looked down at him again, his face twisting with too many emotions for Sokka to comprehend.

“Why are you drinking so much?” Zuko asked softly, his expression flittering to one that made Sokka think he was piecing together something.

“Because I love you.” The words were out of his mouth before he could even register them. Zuko’s head snapped backwards, brows tightening together. “You don’t want me… I—I’m tryna… forget.”

Sokka’s head felt heavier against Zuko’s leg. He was struggling to keep his eyes open. Zuko was alternating between opening his mouth and closing it, struggling to find his voice.

“I’m sorry.” Was what he settled on. It made Sokka’s stomach clench.

“Me too,” he whispered back.

Sokka looked down at the road beneath his boots and sighed. He closed his eyes in a heedless attempt to quell his tears. Zuko didn’t say anything to him for the rest of the night.


	19. nineteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you for over 200 kudos and over 3000 hits!! ah!!!!!! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um. no words for how horrifically late this is. im so,,,,, sorry,,,,,,,,,, 
> 
> comments r my life force   
tell me u hate me if u must ily

**NINETEEN**

* * *

If Sokka couldn’t use the word awkward to describe the state of his relationship with Zuko beforehand, he definitely could now. Their conversation on Christmas eve had been left unspoken, but Sokka knew that Zuko was aware of how he felt, and he knew Zuko was walking on eggshells around him.

Christmas had come and passed; Sokka was pretty pleased with his presents, in particular, the hockey tickets Zuko had gotten him. Sokka being the idiot he was, forgot to get Zuko something and ended up spending a good portion of his Christmas money (thanks Katara) on all of the Pokémon plushies he could find at the GameStop two blocks away to make up for it. Zuko made him promise to not tell anyone about his secret stash of plushies that was revealed to him afterwards.

But, being that all of this easiness he was experiencing was with Zuko, Sokka knew it wouldn’t last all that long, and that sooner rather than later, it would be thrown back in his face.

Sokka thought he got whiplash from how hard it was thrown back at him. He had just come out of the bathroom in the STEM wing of the school’s library to continue on an essay he was smashing out in another red-bull-infused stint when he saw Zuko being chatted up by none other than his self-proclaimed arch-nemesis, Haru. This nemesis-ing wasn’t to say that Haru was a bad person, per se, in fact, he’d often brought Sokka a coffee or just chatted with him while they both stayed late in the labs to finish off projects. It was more so because Haru was sitting in the top rank for his physics class and Sokka was scrambling to keep up his second place. And now, obviously, because Zuko was squished up between him and the bookshelf with a blush heavily painted on his cheeks. 

So what, if Sokka scrunched up the plastic water bottle he was holding, subsequently spilling it all over his hand and the carpet beneath him. So what, if he got kicked out of the library and had to pay a stupid cleaning bill. So what, if he had to finish his essay at home and watch Zuko come back with a stupid smile on his face, knowing _exactly _who put it there because he himself had unconsciously fallen victim to Haru’s charming ass face before.

So what, because this was exactly what Sokka had been expecting. He knew what happened when unrequited love confessions were made, he’d bared witness to one too many confessions in his high school life. He knew that now that he’d spilled his feelings to Zuko, his roommate would distance himself even more. Flirting with his classmate though? That was one way to do it. It was also a perfectly good way for Zuko to tear an even bigger hole in his ego. Which, you know, is never a nice thing, especially when Sokka was trying to repair that hole with the hazy memories of the rare occasions when Zuko seemed to like him too.

So yeah, seeing Zuko come home all airy-fairy with his head in the clouds was no longer a sight Sokka liked witnessing, not when it wasn’t him that was doing it. Not when Zuko spent the whole night glued to his phone, smiling profusely, giggling occasionally. Not fun.

Sokka appreciated, however, that Zuko seemed to be at least _trying _to spare his feelings. He didn’t bring up his new friend, gave non-committal answers when Sokka asked who he was texting, bit his lip to hide his grin. That was… comforting? Sokka supposed it was better than Zuko outright telling him that he’d found someone else. He could remind himself of that whenever his heart panged at just the thought of it.

“Are you going to join the school hockey team next year?” Zuko had asked over dinner, miraculously taking a break from what seemed to be an incredibly funny conversation.

It made Sokka shift in his seat. “Uhm…” He pursed his lips. “Guess so. Are you?”

Zuko sucked in a breath, his eyes sliding down to the right of Sokka. “I… can’t. They won’t let me.”

“Huh? Why not?” Sokka asked, face twisting in a mixture of confusion and pity.

Zuko gave him a tight-lipped smile and pointed to the scar gracing his left eye. “Can’t see properly. It’s not very safe.”

“Oh.” Sokka screwed up his nose. “That… sucks. Sorry man.”

“It’s okay. I’ll just watch you,” Zuko said softly, giving Sokka a placid smile that almost made his heart stop. 

He cleared his throat and sat up straighter in his chair. “Y—Yeah. Sounds good.”

Zuko huffed out a laugh and looked back down at his plate, pushing what was left over around with his bent-up fork. Stupid Zuko and his stupid forks. Sokka pushed his hand through his hair and sighed, letting his head lull back over the chair. He didn’t feel much like eating anymore. Not when his stomach was all clenched up and his hands felt clammy. Not when he heard Zuko sigh before stifling a laugh. Not when just Sokka just _knew _he was on his phone again talking to goddamn Haru.

But whatever. Sokka could live with this.

. . . .

It was the 28th of December and Sokka was being honest when he thought that he’d never find himself curled up in a myriad of blankets in Suki’s living room with a face mask on. But alas, Toph’s head was on his lap and he was playing Suki’s fingers and he felt like crying but he was with his friends and that would just be incredibly sad.

“What should we watch?” Suki thought out loud, flicking Toph in the forehead following her scoff.

“I think I’d rather listen to Sokka’s boy troubles again. That was pretty fun last time.”

Sokka groaned and shoved at her head, ending up with sticky half-dried face mask on his fingers. Suki chuckled and ran her hand down his hair.

“I do have a development that I’ve neglected to tell either of you out of sheer mortification,” Sokka mumbled, letting his eyes flutter shut as Suki’s nails dragged over his scalp.

That made Toph perk up. “Do tell. What horribly embarrassing thing did you do this time? Kiss him again? Puke on him?”

If not for the face mask, Sokka’s face would be hidden by his hands.

“Toph, c’mon, stop teasing him. I can see him blushing through the face mask.” Toph snickered and shoved at Sokka’s legs.

“Tell me. I wanna laugh at you.”

Sokka rolled his eyes and sat up. “Fucking whatever, you bully. I was super drunk on Christmas eve and I told him that I loved him.”

And when Sokka didn’t immediately hear them laughing at his pitiful confession, he opened his eyes. Suki was staring at him, mouth agape, eye wide. Toph’s face was scrunched up as she fiddled with her hands.

“You what?” Suki asked first. Sokka cringed as her voice cracked on the second word.

Sokka looked down at his lap. “I know. Big mistake. Laugh it up, and don’t worry about holding back, I already hate myself for it.”

“Um… okay. So that was a choice. Can’t say it was a good one, but uh… a choice was made,” Toph laughed uneasily. “Zuko doesn’t bode well with the whole ‘short term love’ thing.”

“What did he say?” Suki asked gently, putting her hand on his now shaking knee.

“He said… He… apologized.” Sokka sighed. “But I mean… earlier that night he like… said I was his boyfriend to save me from some girl, so… win?”

Suki groaned. “No win, Sokka. Nothing about that is a win.”

“Do you though?” Toph cut in before Sokka could retort.

He tilted his head, eyebrows knitting together. Suki choked a laugh and pulled her hand back. _Great choice of conversation Sokka! Talking about the boy you love with the girl you dumped because of! _

“Y—Yeah. But it doesn’t matter,” he breathed out, glance shifting between Suki and Toph. He bit his lip to quell the nerves bubbling in his stomach. “He’s talking to some other guy now.”

“So? I mean it’s gotta matter some. He kissed you back, Sokka, even when you were dating Suki. Normally you don’t do that type of thing unless you’ve got it bad too,” Toph pointed out, rolling her eyes.

“Okay. I’m done. We’re talking about something else now,” Suki cut in. She pushed herself off of the floor and dragged Toph with her. “Face masks are probably done, so… let’s finish them off.”

Suki gave him a hesitant smile before turning on her heel and practically running to the bathroom. Sokka couldn’t help but groan.

“Toph, why the hell did you say that?” He snapped, scowling with his fullest intensity despite her lack of ability to receive it.

She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s true, isn’t it? Look, I’ve known Zuko for a while, so listen good. He’s _my _best friend and he’s quite fragile, as much as he doesn’t want to believe it. I know he still talks to Jet, but I also know he still cares about you. A lot more than he’s willing to let on. You were the first person since Jet that he’s spoken to me about, that means something. Not that I’m comparing you to him, but y’know.”

Sokka rolled his eyes.

“Okay, look, all I’m saying is don’t give up on him. He’s a tough nut to crack but it’s really worth it. He’s an incredible person when you get past all the bristly parts.”

“I know,” Sokka whispered, blinking back a sting in the back of his eyes. “But I don’t think he trusts me.”

“Do you blame him? You were kind of leading him on, being in a relationship and all that.”

“But I called it off! I hung around him so much and he didn’t say anything. He acted like I wasn’t there,” Sokka snapped, balling up his fists.

Toph pinched the bridge of her nose. “God, you’re fucking stupid. Sokka, I had to tell him that you broke up! He had to hear it from me! You never told him that. He thought this whole time that you guys were still together. He thought you lied about it. Of course, he’s going to be upset about it, for god’s sake.”

Sokka frowned. He told Zuko, didn’t he?

…didn’t he?

“Yeah. You didn’t tell him. So you’re welcome for cleaning up all of your shit. I hope you fucking apologize because I sure as hell don’t want to hear him complaining about you anymore. I’m sick of him moping about you. Not. Worth. It.”

Sokka bit the inside of his mouth. “Well shit, Toph! What the hell should I do? He’s already talking to someone else!”

“I swear I don’t get paid enough for this bullshit,” she grumbled, before grabbing his hand and stomping to the bathroom.

Once there, Toph ordered him to sit on the bath’s edge and wait. She dragged a baffled Suki out of the door before shutting in his face. Sokka frowned again and decided he should probably wash the mask off. Mid-way through ridding his face of the pink goop, the door flung open again. His eyes met Suki’s through the mirror. She donned a devilish grin, one not unlike that of Toph’s own.

“We have an idea,” Suki crooned, folding her arms over her chest.

“We’re going to get you too together on New Year’s Eve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im starting uni soon this year so uhh patchier updates?? uwu pls dont hate me


	20. twenty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oop 
> 
> (also i dont hate haru i just needed a character pls i love him)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twenty chapters???? who is she????? how long am i making this??????? who knows??? will it ever end?????????????

**TWENTY**

* * *

Despite all of Sokka’s hopes and prayers, Zuko had not stopped texting Haru. And it was getting distracting. Because not only did Sokka have to watch Zuko get all giddy over, what he assumes, is a stupid, flirty conversation, but now _Haru _has started to talk to _him _about Zuko. And despite all of Sokka’s internal, on the spot meditation, he was fuming. And ridiculously jealous.

One of those times was now. Sokka was hunched over a box of Hokkien noodles in the physics lab at 9:30 pm, with Haru by his side, seemingly more interested in his phone than the Laksa that Sokka had bought him. It was infuriating.

“You never told me Zuko was your roommate,” Haru sighed, finally giving his texting a rest and shoving his phone in his jacket pocket.

Haru donned a huge coat, despite Sokka having the heating set criminally high. He was sweating in just his long sleeve shirt. Sokka just rolled his eyes and stabbed at a piece of tofu. He loved talking about Zuko, he could do it for hours. Sokka was pretty sure that if he made a list of all of his hangouts with Toph and Suki that ended in him ranting for hours about Zuko, it would be longer than all of his essays combined. But the topic of Zuko seemed disturbingly less interesting when it was initiated by Haru.

“Never came up,” he said gruffly, not even bothering to clear his mouth before speaking.

Haru crinkled his nose. “What? I’ve asked you about him before. Why would you not mention that?”

“Because he’s _my _roommate, and _my _friend,” Sokka muttered, spinning around in his chair to glare at Haru. “I don’t want to share him with you.”

He knew he was being petty. He knew he was being inappropriately possessive, but the smirk Haru gave him made his blood boil. Sokka couldn’t help but feel jealous, he had every right, didn’t he? Zuko was someone he loved at a base level, all romantic feelings aside, and he was damned if he was going to let someone like _Haru _take that away from him.

“He’s not yours to share, Sokka. He’s his own person,” Haru replied, with a roll of his eyes and that _damn smirk. _

Sokka decided right then that he wanted to punch him. Really hard. Again. Hard enough to break his jaw beyond repair so he would never wear that sly expression every again.

“‘Sides,” Haru sneered, “I think he likes me. It sure seems like it. Y’know, with all the love hearts he sends, I’d think he has a bit of a crush.”

Sokka’s heart stuttered. Suddenly the hot air in the lab made his skin crawl and his blood run cold. “What? Show me!”

No way. _No way. _There was literally no way in a thousand years that Sokka would ever allow this to happen. Not even for his own sake. He’d seen Haru in action countless times before. Sokka could remember clear as day the one and only day in his junior year of high school that Haru had spoken to Katara. Or, as it turned out, the one and only day he had _seen _them talk. Because, allegedly, Haru had managed to get his _freshman_ sister’s phone number and they had, for whatever reason, spoken an ungodly amount, even went on a few dates. And Sokka chooses to describe the day as the ‘one and only’ time they’d spoken because upon seeing Katara crying and Haru walk away with his arm around another girl, Sokka managed to get suspended for putting Haru in the hospital.

And he was damned if he was going to let Haru do the same thing to Zuko. Not after what he’s seen of his relationship with Jet, not after everything Toph has told him about Zuko’s family. No way in hell.

“Why? You jealous I’m getting the attention now?” Haru snickered but fished for his phone anyway.

“Fuck off. I am not. I just didn’t think you had a death wish, but guess I was wrong,” Sokka spat, snatching Haru’s phone from his outstretched hand.

He wanted to vomit, basically. Because that sure as hell looked like love hearts being sent from Zuko’s end. And it sure as hell looked like some incessant flirting coming from Haru’s.

_You  
_serious issue  
cant stop thinking about you  
(6:34 pm)

_Zuko  
_haha sure sure  
(6:34 pm)

_You  
_not lying your smile is the cutest thing in the world  
sokka is one lucky guy  
(6:36 pm)

_Zuko  
_thank you i guess  
<3  
(6:36 pm)

speaking of, are you with sokka right now?? cant get a hold of him  
(6:40 pm)

Sokka sucked in a breath and turned off the phone, thrusting it back into Haru’s hand. His chest felt tight. His long sleeve shirt was suddenly all too hot again. He couldn’t even think of how Zuko had asked for him, he was too fixated on the love heart and the flirting and _god, _how many times had they talked like this? He scowled at Haru when he let out a laugh.

“What do you think? Do I have a shot?” Haru grinned, pocketing his phone again.

“I think you’re asking for me to kill you,” Sokka grumbled, clenching his hands against his thighs.

His breath was stuttering in his chest and his mouth ran dry. Haru’s laugh just made him angrier. It set his jaw on edge. It made him bite his tongue to stave off the slurry of curse words threatening to push past.

“I kid, I kid. He always ends up talking about you anyway, so, am I really winning here with a handful of love hearts? Don’t think so,” Haru eased. His phone buzzed on the table next to his abandoned noodles. “He seems to really like you, man, _I’m _a little jealous there.”

Sokka’s heart caught in his throat. “What do you mean? He talks about me?”

Haru raised a brow. “What? You guys are dating, aren’t you?”

“No! What the hell, Haru? Why would you think that?” Sokka sputtered, eyes blown wide.

What? What? _What? _Since when? If Haru really thought that, then why the hell was he saying all this shit? Why the hell was he asking Sokka if he had a chance? Was he joking this whole time? Did _Zuko _know he thought this?

“Oh,” Haru said, seemingly dumbfounded. “Um, this is awkward.”

Sokka scrambled for Haru’s shoulders, grabbing them as tightly as he could. Haru’s phone buzzed again, but they both ignored it.

“Why the hell did you think we were dating? Tell me right now,” he spat. Haru swallowed visibly.

“Uh… I mean, h—he just talks about you a lot, like… how cute you are and shit. I don’t know? You talk about him all the time too, I just figured you were together!” Haru exclaimed, holding up his hands placatingly.

Sokka groaned and released his grip. “Well, we’re not. Not for a lack of trying, might I say.”

“Sorry man, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I only kept talking to him to piss you off, to be honest. I mean, my attempts were genuine at first, but then I kind of… y’know, thought you were together so…”

Sokka’s chest ached. “You asshole, he probably thinks you’re being serious!”

Haru smiled nervously. “I don’t… I mean, I’ll tell him. I don’t want to get in the way of your… courting.”

“Right. Yeah. Try not to break his fucking heart while you’re at it,” he snapped, lidding his takeaway box and grabbing his jacket. “I’m leaving. You can lock up.”

“I’m sorry, Sokka! I swear I didn’t mean to hurt either of you,” Haru whined, packing up his own dinner.

Sokka ignored him and pushed past, focusing on the door in front of him instead of the aching in his chest and the twisting in his stomach. This was ridiculous, he was being ridiculous, but he was so goddamn _angry. _He couldn’t believe that this whole time, Zuko was talking to Haru _about _him, but wouldn’t even stand in the same room as him for more than 20 minutes. Sokka was pretty sure that Zuko hadn’t said a full sentence to him since Christmas, and even then, it was sketchy. It was awkward and stutter-y and Sokka wanted to scream because of how uncomfortable Zuko looked every time he opened his mouth. Sokka wanted to tell him to fuck off _just _so that Zuko didn’t feel like he had to talk to him.

Sokka grabbed his phone out of his coat, with the intention to call Suki and rant about of fucking _angry _he was but froze in his spot when he saw he had 10 unread messages from Zuko and 3 missed calls. _Shit. _

_Best Frand™  
_hey when are you coming back?  
(5:18 pm)

sokka? i need to talk to you  
(6:05 pm)

please answer  
(6:23 pm)

jet called me, he knows i was talking to your friend  
(6:27 pm)

Sokka clenched his jaw. _Shit. Shit. Shit. _

_Best Frand™  
_sokka i really need to talk to you, please answer  
(6:33 pm)

i don’t know what to do  
answer your fucking phone  
(6:37 pm)

dude please  
im sorry i haven’t been talking to you much lately okay?   
we can talk about everything after i swear  
(6:55 pm)

Sokka checked the time stamp. It had been two hours since Zuko’s last message. _Two hours_. Who knows what the hell could have happened in two hours?

He scrambled to press the call icon, chewing on the inside of his cheek as it began to ring.

One time. Two times. Three, four, five. Sokka wanted to cry.

After what felt like an eternity, the ringing stopped. Sokka heard shuffling on the other end.

_“Sokka?” _Sokka sighed, relief flooding through his body.

“Are you okay? I’m sorry I was doing a prac, I had my phone off,” he rushed out, biting his lip afterwards. He heard Zuko sigh.

_“Guess so.” _Was all he said. Sokka frowned.

“What happened with Jet? Are you hurt or anything?”

_“Um… no, not exactly. I’m—I was just… scared, I guess. It doesn’t matter anymore.” _Zuko’s voice was flat. It was quiet. It was hoarse. Sokka wanted to reverse time and slap himself for turning his phone off. _“I’m… gonna go. I’m at Jet’s now, so…”_

“What the hell? Why?” Sokka’s stomach dropped.

What the _fuck _was Zuko thinking?

_“He wanted to… see me. And talk. And… y’know… other stuff,” _Zuko mumbled. Sokka almost cried.

“What the fuck do you mean? Zuko you idiot, why the fuck would you go to his house if he’s angry? Do you have a death wish?” Sokka fumed, the hand not holding his phone shaking by how hard he was clenching it.

_“I didn’t—I, um, I don’t know. I’m sorry. I… have to go now. I’ll see you later.” _

Sokka couldn’t help when his mouth hung open at the sound of the dial tone. He couldn’t help it, either, when his fist left a dent in the metal chem lab door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the love!! its great!!!! so motivating!!!!!!


	21. twenty one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont know why i cant just let them be happy pls dont hate me

**TWENTY ONE**

* * *

Sokka was crying. He wasn’t really sure why. He wasn’t even sad, he was more… seething. Practically livid. It had started raining on his way home; Haru being kind enough to drop him back after he had successfully bloodied up his fist and dispersed _some _of the hostility he felt. So now he was wet, sore, covered in blood, crying, and more frenzied than he’d ever felt before. It was not a sight for sore eyes. His empty, cold dorm didn’t seem to remedy much either, rather, send him spiralling further into unchecked rage.

Sokka found himself pacing through their living room, hands clenched by his side, face twisting with incandescent wrath. This was, notably, one of the few times he’d ever been so infuriated that he’d cried. The other, being when his mum had passed away and he locked himself in his room for three days and didn’t talk to anyone. That time he knew where to direct his anger. He was mad at the world for taking away one of the few people he truly cherished. And he took it out on the world by holing himself up and not talking to the people around him. But this time, Sokka was having trouble placing his anger. Part of him was mad at Jet, for stirring up more unnecessary bullshit, part of it was Zuko, for being stupid enough to indulge him, but a fair bit of it was at himself.

He couldn’t tell how many times he’d said to Zuko that he’d be there to help when Jet reared his head again, or how many times he’d made Zuko promise to ask for help. He was particularly frustrated and more so disappointed in himself for not being there the one and only time Zuko had tried to reach out. He wanted to rip his hair out because in a moment of weakness Zuko had caved and gone back to Jet and Sokka wasn’t there to help and… who knows what Jet was doing? Who knows what he’d already done? Zuko’s equivocal hinting at what Jet was possibly doing made Sokka’s stomach lurch because it was one thing to hurt him physically, but he had a sick feeling that that wasn’t all Jet was capable of. He knew what type of relationship Zuko had with Jet and he knew that one could blow off steam in more ways than one. Sokka’s master detection skills had deduced that those hickeys Zuko came home with weren’t from some random guy.

That thought alone made Sokka burn with a whole new type of fire he’d never believed possible. His jaw was beginning to ache with all of the clenching and unclenching. His whole body felt taut and his head was pounding. It was all too much.

Sokka bit his tongue in shock when it vibrated in his jean pocket. He stared at the clock hanging by their kitchen. 11:38 pm. The only people who would ever call him this late were Katara and… _Zuko. _Sokka scrambled for his phone, almost dropping it against the wood flooring as he went. And yeah, sure enough, the worst photo of Zuko ever lit up his screen and Sokka almost thanked the heavens. He swiped the call button.

“Hey! Zuko,” he breathed, eyes falling shut as he heard a sigh through the speaker.

_“Sokka. I didn’t think you’d answer,” _Zuko mumbled. Sokka could swear he heard a door opening and closing in the background.

“Course I would,” Sokka replied meekly, chewing on the inside of his lip. “I—I’m sorry about before, I shouldn’t have had my phone—”

_“‘S fine, don’t worry about it. Class takes priority, Sokka,” _Zuko assured, his voice a fraction louder than before. Sokka’s insides were so close to erupting.

“Still… I made a promise.” Zuko sighed.

_“Well you answered now, didn’t you? You kept it,” _Zuko laughed softly and Sokka swore his heart leapt out of his throat.

Fuck the anger, fuck the negativity, he didn’t care anymore. Sokka smiled.

“Guess so. Why’d you call? Aren’t you at Jet’s still?”

_“Uh, no. Toph called me an uber like… an hour ago maybe. I just… didn’t think I wanted to go back home but… now I kind of regret it,” _Zuko mumbled.

Sokka bit his lip to fight back a grin.

“Oh, you so you called because you miss me, huh?” He teased, cheeks flushing when he heard Zuko’s pinched groan.

_“God, I wish I didn’t,” _he muttered. _“But yes. I called you because I miss you and I felt bad about earlier. Go ahead, laugh it up.” _

Sokka’s heart clenched. “That’s cute.”

Zuko scoffed.

“No really. You’re…” Sokka paused. He scrunched his nose and opened his mouth before he could question his actions. “You’re cute. As hell.”

The line fell silent. Sokka was about to hang up and throw his phone across the room when he heard Zuko laughing softly.

_“I—Thank you,” _he whispered. _“You… you’re pretty cute too.”_

Sokka couldn’t hold back his grin any longer. His free hand fell lax at his side. The pounding in his head subsided to a dull thud. His mouth no longer tasted like ash and blood. Instead, his stomach grew warm and his skin felt fuzzy and _god _Sokka had never been reduced to mush from just one awkward compliment.

“Anything in particular you want to talk about? Or is just the sound of my voice appealing enough?” He teased, relishing in the quiet snort Zuko gave in return.

_“I’m swooning,” _Zuko mumbled, laced with sarcasm, but Sokka could hear the smile around his words, and god what he would give to see that smile right then and there.

“I tend to have that effect. What did you do today? Did you have class?” Sokka wandered to the windowsill near their dining table and rested his head against the cold glass.

_“Mhm. I had to hand in this prose I did, but it was super shitty so I’m not sure how I’ll go,” _Zuko replied softly, voice trailing off towards the end.

Sokka smiled. “I’m sure you did fine. Not gonna lie, I read a bit of it ‘cause you left your laptop open and it was really good. I mean, if that was the one you were finishing yesterday.”

_“You read it?” _Zuko sounded nervous. Sokka bit his lip, a frown taking the place of his grin.

“Uh… yeah. Sorry, I should have asked. Or, y’know, just not read it but… I was curious. Sorry.”

_“It’s… okay. It was just… kind of embarrassing, what I wrote about. I guess,” _Zuko laughed, a strain obvious in his tone.

Sokka couldn’t help but laugh too. “Yeah, I kind of related a lot to one of the characters. Did you take inspiration from my thrilling life, Zuko?”

_“W—What? Uhm, no. What a weird coincidence, hey?” _He sputtered. Sokka’s chest ached.

God if only Zuko were here. If only he hadn’t scared him off and he came home, and they could be together and Sokka would make him forget all about Jet. He could hug him or put his arm over his shoulder as they watched a movie or they could just sit together and talk and _wow, _Sokka thought, _I really love this kid. _

“A wonder only the gods can answer,” Sokka replied clicking his tongue. “When are you coming back tomorrow? I can pick you up if you want.”

_“That would be… nice. Thank you, Sokka,” _Zuko said quietly.

Sokka felt a flush burn across his cheeks and down his neck. “No problem. Do you… um, would you like to get breakfast tomorrow morning? Like… the two of us?”

The line fell silent once more. Sokka chewed on the inside of his mouth, his brows pulling down.

Finally, Zuko sighed. _“Are you asking me on a date?” _

Sokka’s heart stuttered in his chest. “U—Uh, no? I mean, kinda? Wait, um, only if you want to… we don’t… have to.”

_“Sokka,” _Zuko sighed again. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. “I can’t… Haru is… J—Jet just—”_

“Oh.” Sokka’s stomach dropped. He gripped the phone in his hand and screwed up his face. “Never mind then. I’ll pick you up at 10. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

_“Sokka, wait that’s not—” _Sokka hung up.

He opened his messages and immediately searched for Haru’s name.

_You  
_asshole  
you piece of shit i hate you  
(12:02 am)

_Haru  
_valid  
what happened?  
(12:04 am)

_You  
_you need to talk to Zuko tomorrow. no excuses.  
(12:04 am)

_Haru  
_can do. want to tell me what happened?  
(12:05 am)

_You  
_no fuck you. just talk to him.   
(12:06 am)

Sokka turned off his phone, ignoring the new message coming through and ran his hand over his face. God, why did he have to be so stupid all of the time? Why did he lose all of his brain cells whenever Zuko even breathed near him? Why did he have to say stupid things and ruin his night? He was having a perfectly nice conversation with Zuko. Zuko missed him and called him and for once in almost two months, he _wanted _to talk to Sokka. But of course, he got carried away and said something stupid and Zuko rejected him again. Because of course. Of course, this would happen. Of course, the universe said no to him once again, because what’s just one more time? At this point, Sokka was praying that Toph and Suki knew what they were doing because there was no way in hell, he could figure this out without them. There was no chance in his mind that he and Zuko would ever end up together.

That made Sokka’s stomach sink to his knees. It made his whole body feel shaky and off-kilter. It made his head swim. He would definitely not let that happen. He would definitely not settle for second best. He couldn’t exist next to Zuko as a friend for much longer. He was going to make Zuko fall in love with him.

. . . .

Zuko almost dropped his phone when he heard the dial tone click. His mouth ran dry. Shit. _Shit. _That was not what was supposed to happen. That wasn’t what he meant. Fuck.

Zuko blinked back the sting in his eyes and sat down on the spare bed in Toph and Suki’s flat. He rested his head in his hands and sighed. How did he manage to screw up such a good opportunity? Why didn’t he just say yes? Why did he have to freak out and make excuses?

Zuko’s heart pounded against his rib cage. He wanted an opportunity for him to show just how much he liked Sokka. He wanted to give Sokka a chance to express himself properly. He wanted a sign of just how much Sokka actually did like him. But he fucked it up. He pushed him away. He made some bullshit excuse that made him seem like an asshole.

Zuko whimpered, biting down on his lip in a fruitless attempt to quell his tears. Why? _Why? _Why did he always do this? Why couldn’t he just trust Sokka? What was so wrong in his head? Why did Sokka and love not fit in the same sentence? Zuko was almost certain his feelings for Sokka were pushing what one could label _like, _overlapping into what most would describe _love. _He knew how Sokka felt about him but there was a nagging hole in the bottom of his stomach that reared its head whenever he thought about it. The darkest part of his mind would repeat over and over that there was no way in all of the earth that Sokka would _ever _like someone like him, let alone love. There was no way. It didn’t make sense.

Sokka was charming and pretty and he was gentle. Zuko was angry and bitter and he pushed people to the point of violence. It always happened. He would always go too far and say the wrong thing. He would always jump to anger and resort to violence because he just couldn’t express himself with words. There’s no way Sokka could ever love someone like that. He loved Suki. That made sense. Suki was cute and kind and she was smart and did chemistry and was everything Zuko could never be. He wasn’t smart. His father made sure he knew that. Arts courses never had a place in his home. Even Azula, who took accelerated university courses, chose physics. _Something Sokka liked. Something he couldn’t do._

Zuko sniffled and wiped at his eyes with his sleeves. This was pathetic. He was pathetic. Sokka was everything he ever wanted but he was too gross and stupid and mean to ever be able to have it. He was stupid enough to believe Sokka. He wanted to believe him still, but it didn’t make any sense. It was a wild shot that Sokka still talked to him. After all the yelling and insulting and anger Zuko had thrown at him, Sokka was still there. He took it all in stride and still smiled at him and talked to him and cared about him. It wasn’t fair.

Zuko was selfish for keeping Sokka around. He had to tell him to stop. He had to push him away for good. Of course, Sokka wouldn’t like him. Who would? Haru was lying to him. Jet was lying to him. _Jet, _of all people, the one person who promised to love him forever. Jet was sick of him. Zuko could tell. He wouldn’t whisper sweet things to him as Zuko let him have his way. He wouldn’t kiss him or hug the way he used to. If Zuko wasn’t even good enough for Jet, then who else? Who was left to love him? No matter what, Zuko wouldn’t let it be Sokka. No matter how much he wanted it, he couldn’t burden Sokka with that. He couldn’t let himself ruin one of the best friendships he’d made in a long while.

Zuko lay back against the mattress. He pulled out his phone and typed out a message.

_You  
_hey sokka. i’m sorry about before. i’m sorry for making excuses.  
you don’t deserve someone who does that to you.   
i appreciate everything you’ve done for me but i think it would be best if i get a new roommate. this isn’t your fault. i’m sorry.  
(12:14 am)

Zuko’s bottom lip wobbled. Sokka’s text bubble popped up and he cringed, shutting his eyes and throwing his phone beside him. He ignored the three times Sokka tried to call him. He fell asleep with stinging eyes and a heavy heart. He missed the frantic texts Sokka had sent him.

_why am i one of ur only contacts, get some friends Zuko  
_Zuko????  
what do you mean??? is everything ok???  
its ok if you like haru i don’t mind just please don’t move out  
(12:17 am)

Zuko please don’t move out i need you  
please im sorry i wont do it again  
i get the hint its ok please  
(12:19 am)

I’m sorry.   
(12:22 am)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your feedback is greatly appreciated!!!!! thank you all so much!!!!!!! pls yell at me i deserve it


	22. twenty two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thIS CHAPTER IS HAPPY I PROMISE (minus zuko bc my boy unstable) BUT HE'S HAPPY AT THE END EVERYONE IS

**TWENTY TWO**

* * *

Sokka didn’t want to look at Zuko. Which was weird, but, he thought, entirely reasonable. He still picked Zuko up the next morning. He felt he owed that much. But he was silent the whole way. He carried Zuko’s bag, sure, but he didn’t say a word to him when the front door opened. He’d chatted with Toph, joked over one of their weird professors, and pointedly ignored Zuko. It was stupid. Sokka felt stupid. But looking at Zuko meant looking at Zuko’s neck. Zuko’s neck which was currently mottled with more hickeys than Sokka had ever seen in his life. Looking at Zuko also meant that a reminder of their text conversation slapped him whenever their eyes met. That was even worse than looking at Zuko’s neck.

The ride home was unbearable. Zuko was shifting relentlessly in his seat, shifting between laying his head against the window, sighing, and staring straight ahead with the most unnerving expression Sokka thinks he’s ever seen. He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t think of anything _to_ say. Sokka could barely pay attention to what he was doing. More than once on their short drive home did he lose focus and have to slam the breaks on lest they rear-end some poor soul in front of them. Sokka felt helpless. He felt like he had no control over what he was thinking, what he was doing.

It wasn’t until they reached their dorm did Zuko speak.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, wringing his hands.

Sokka frowned. What could he possibly be apologising for? It wasn’t like he did anything wrong. If anything, Sokka should be apologising. Sokka should be grovelling, on his knees, begging Zuko to not move out, to not hate him, to not disown him as a friend.

“What for?” He chose instead.

Zuko blinked. “Um… for last night? I was being an idiot, so… sorry.”

Sokka couldn’t help but huff a laugh. Right. Zuko wasn’t like that. Zuko would always think he was in the wrong. How could he forget that?

“You don’t have to apologise for anything. Don’t worry about it,” Sokka sighed, pushing open their door.

He caught Zuko frown in the corner of his eye, but he didn’t say anything else, so neither did Sokka. Zuko wordlessly unwound his scarf and hung up his coat. He was scratching at his neck seemingly unconsciously and Sokka couldn’t help but wonder if it made him uncomfortable. It would make sense. Almost the minute he saw Sokka, Zuko had wrapped his scarf on tightly, kept it there the whole car ride despite Sokka turning the heating up as high as it could go. Sokka entertained the idea that maybe all of this was just appeasement; maybe if Zuko allowed for this, Jet wouldn’t get physical in any other way, maybe he wouldn’t feel the need, maybe he could keep Zuko wrapped around his finger by warding off anyone’s conversational attempts through this rather than using Zuko directly. It was smart, Sokka thought, in some sick type of way.

Zuko seemed to hesitate by the coat hanger. Sokka had, after kicking off his shoes and shrugging out of his coat, made his way towards the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. When he looked back, Zuko was shifting from one foot to the other, eyes flickering around, unfocused. Sokka mouth ran dry.

“I know you don’t want to be here, but it’s still your home for now. Just relax,” he said. Upon Zuko’s flinch, Sokka supposed there was more venom behind those words than he’d hoped.

“S—Sorry,” was all Zuko managed to supply before sulking towards his bedroom.

Sokka sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Zuko, wait, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Zuko’s hand faltered over the doorknob. He turned to look at Sokka, head quirked to the side. “What do you mean?” He smiled hesitantly. “I didn’t take it any type of way.”

Sokka chewed the inside of his lip. How many times, he wondered, how many times would they go in circles? How many times was Zuko going to shut down on him and play it off the next day? It was infuriating. He hated that he couldn’t get Zuko to be honest with him. He hated that Zuko pushed him away. He hated that he had to see Zuko struggling and he hated the most that he couldn’t do anything about it. He didn’t know what to do.

“But you—you obviously took offence to it. Look, I’m sorry. Just forget about it,” Sokka replied, biting back a groan as Zuko plastered on the fakest smile imaginable.

“Okay. I’m going to do some study so if you’re going to watch something, please keep it down.” And with that, he shuffled into his room and shut the door.

Sokka took a deep breath and clenched his fists. Fine. It was fine. Everything was fine. If Zuko wanted alone time, Sokka would let him.

His phone buzzed in his back pocket.

_Haru  
_yo are u going to nye at teo’s   
(10:52 am)

Sokka scrubbed his hand over his face. Right. That was today. That meant that Toph and Suki would be playing wingman. That meant that unless Zuko’s shitty mood dissipated, their plan would flunk.

_You  
_yeah. do you know if zuko is going  
(10:53 am)

_Haru  
_bro you told me not to talk to him   
how tf am I supposed to know  
(11:53 am)

_You  
_please ask him  
if i do itll look weird  
(10:54 am)

_Haru  
_god ur the worst I don’t know why he likes u  
but yeah I will cause I’m the best ur welc bae  
(10:55 am)

Sokka sighed and shut off his phone. God this was sad. Sokka never thought he’d see the day where he found himself indebted to _Haru _of all people. But it had to be done. It would definitely be weird if he asked Zuko, and it would definitely be suspicious. Sokka couldn’t jeopardize Toph and Suki’s plan even more. They hadn’t even made it to the party and Sokka was already screwing things up. He would leave Zuko alone, do some study himself, probably go to Teo’s early to help out and do the least he possibly could around Zuko to not piss him off even more. Because he really wanted this to work. Really, really wanted it to work.

. . . .

_Haru  
_hey hotstuff you got a minute?  
(11:03 am)

Zuko frowned at his phone, reading over the message for a fourth time. Haru hadn’t replied to any of his messages since he asked if he was with Sokka the night before, so why the hell was he getting a cryptic message now? Zuko bit his bottom lip and sucked in a shaky breath. Whatever. It’s not like Haru would mess with him, right? Surely this had to be somewhat important. Why else would he ignore every message then ask if he was free out of the blue?

_You  
_yeah what do you want  
(11:06 am)

_Haru  
_wow love you too  
I was just going to ask if ur going to teo’s tonight  
wouldn’t mind seeing ur cute face again (;  
(11:06 am)

Zuko felt his cheeks heat up. What the hell? Why was he so hot and cold? Why was he so flirty one minute and then ignoring him the next?

_You  
_i was planning on going  
are you?  
(11:07 am)

_Haru  
_duh  
ill see you then hotstuff  
(11:08 am)

Zuko sighed and turned off his phone. Weird. This was weird. Haru was weird. Something was definitely up. Someone was planning something. Zuko swallowed down the flutter in the back of his throat and sighed.

Zuko squinted at the textbook in front of him. The words were tied together and no matter how hard he blinked them, his eyes just would not focus. He pinched the bridge of his nose. There was no way he was getting this work done right now, this was ridiculous. Zuko’s mind was reeling. His nights with Jet always left him in a puddle of mush the next day. He’d always come home with a fuzzy mind and aching limbs, even if Jet didn’t actually _do _anything. He could never focus on what he was doing. He couldn’t help his mood swings. He couldn’t sleep the night after, or the next, or even the one after that. Socialising felt like a chore. Class felt like a chore. Breathing, blinking, eating, drinking… nothing felt like it mattered. Zuko would often find himself numb; eyes stinging, throat dry, his stomach crawling. He felt like a hollow shell of a human after he saw Jet, but he just couldn’t stop. It was like an addiction. Sure, Jet didn’t leave him bruised up on his doorstep anymore, but Zuko still came home with his skin itching, burning, too tight, too tight, too tight.

He let out a shaky breath and dropped his head to his desk. But it was okay. He was okay. Jet was okay because he didn’t mean it, right? He told Zuko he loved him, right? Even if it felt like a lie, it was all Zuko had. He had to trust it. Who cares if Jet was just a little too rough? It wasn’t anything Zuko couldn’t handle. His father was worse, and he dealt with that for 18 years, so this was nothing. Jet was mild. Jet was tolerable. Jet, at the very least, told him he loved him. His father didn’t. That meant something.

Zuko bit down on his bottom lip. Numb. He pinched his thigh under the table. Numb. He clenched his fists. Numb. Who cares? It was okay. This was normal. Zuko’s tongue slid over his bottom lip. Metallic. Numb. Who cares? He was okay. He was normal.

He was going to go to the New Year’s Eve party, and he was going to have fun and he wasn’t going to care what the hell everyone else was planning because who cares, he’s normal, he has fun, _he doesn’t care. _

. . . .

As soon as Sokka walked into Teo’s flat, he was dragged into a hug.

“Sokka! I can’t believe you’re here!” A trill voice screamed in his ear. His heart picked up. No way.

“Oh man, Yue?” He asked, matching her enthusiasm with a grin on his face. “I haven’t seen you in so long!”

She laughed into his shoulder and Sokka’s heart sung. He hugged her tighter to his chest and sighed. God, it really had been too long.

“My nurse gave me leave for the weekend! I’m so excited to see everyone again. How’s Suki doing?” She raved, pulling away from the hug to bounce on the balls of her feet.

Sokka’s mouth dried. “Oh, um, we… broke up. But it’s okay, we’re still friends.”

Yue scrunched her nose and clicked her tongue. “Sorry, that’s rough.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sokka said, a small smile placating the frown on his friend’s face. “How have you been feeling? Must be pretty good if you were let out for a whole weekend!”

Yue’s smile picked back up. She did look better. Her white hair had a shine to it now, the complete opposite of the brittle texture he was used to seeing on her. Her cheeks had plumped out more, a tinge of pink flushing where a ghastly white used to reside. She looked happy. She looked healthy.

“I feel great! I mean, not invincible, but I’m allowed to start studying again and they’re letting me out for a few hours to take photos, so no complaints here!” Yue grinned. Sokka couldn’t help but mirror her expression.

“I’m so happy for you, Yue, that’s incredible.”

Yue gasped and clapped her hands. “Oh! Teo told me you’re having boy problems.”

Sokka groaned. “God, does everyone know about this? Can I not have _one _pathetic secret?”

“Nope! Spill!”

So Sokka, with much dread, recounted his life over the past few months while the two of them got stuck into preparing Teo’s flat for the nightmare of a night to come. Teo joined in the best he could, mostly just hanging around to quip at Sokka’s misfortune, laughing along with Yue. It was fun. The party hadn’t even started but Sokka felt all the tension from that morning bleed out of his shoulders. He missed his friends. To see Yue smiling and energetic and moving around was the best he could hope for. It was a relief.

By the time they had finished, the sun was setting behind the city. The occasional group of people trickled in every so often. The minutes ticked by and slowly but surely the temperature was rising, the music was getting louder, the room was getting darker.

Sokka soon found himself three drinks in. His mind was getting hazy and he felt warm and he was having an incredibly weird conversation about some animal documentary on Netflix with someone he’d never seen in his entire life. When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he excused himself to the quieter hallway by the bathroom.

_Suki <3 _  
hey hey, we’ve arrived bearing gifts  
come collect at the front door (:   
(9:23 pm)

Sokka blinked. What the hell could she be talking about? He pocketed his phone and pushed past a group of friends yelling over a tray of jello shots. _God, never again, _he promised himself silently. Once he made it to the front door, Sokka swore he almost passed out. Suki and Toph were standing there grinning, standing either side of a very grumpy looking Zuko. Sokka’s hands clammed up as he took in the holy sight in front of him. Zuko had his hair pulled back from his face in a small little bun on the top of his head, the rest falling against his cheeks. His glasses were hanging low on his nose, extenuating his soft, slanted eyes. Zuko chewed his bottom lip between his teeth. He donned a loose, burgundy t-shirt, the sleeves too long and falling at his elbows. And god, Sokka almost choked, because those jeans were the tightest things he’s _definitely _ever seen. It was like he fell in love all over again.

Suki caught his eye before she leaned behind Zuko’s head to whisper to Toph, something that made the shorter girl snicker and something that was obviously not as quiet as it probably should have been because Zuko’s head whipped towards her, his cheeks a dark shade of red as he seemingly berated her. It only managed to make the girls laugh harder and push him forward.

Sokka couldn’t move as Zuko started to shuffle his way over, seeming looking everywhere _except _Sokka. But who cares? Sokka _certainly _didn’t. Not when it gave him the opportunity to gawk at Zuko like an idiot with a big fat crush.

When Zuko finally stopped, he stood a little too far away and wrung his hands. “Uh, hi?”

“What?” Sokka shouted over the music.

Zuko looked at the ground, his cheeks flushing again. He stepped closer, arguably too close, and Sokka caught a face full of that sickening vanilla smell that seemed to constantly permeate off of him. Sokka felt lightheaded in all the best ways.

“Hi,” Zuko repeated, a shy smile creeping against his face. Sokka’s heart swelled. “You look nice.”

Sokka puffed his chest out. “Course I do! Not as good as you though,” he replied, smirking at the sheepish smile on Zuko’s face as he looked down at his vans.

Sokka most definitely blamed the alcohol in his system when he reached out and lifted Zuko’s chin with a finger. But he most definitely wasn’t mad as he drank in Zuko’s wide eye expression.

“Want a drink?” He asked, confidence swelling as Zuko merely nodded back, seemingly completely mind blown.

Sokka grinned and dropped Zuko’s chin, holding out his hand for him to grab instead. Zuko bit back a smile and held on without a moment of hesitation. Zuko’s palm was warm against his as they squeezed their way into the kitchen. Sokka couldn’t hold back the smile on his face. He couldn’t help the warm tinge to his cheeks. He couldn’t help the way he subconsciously tightened his grip on Zuko’s hand. Sokka couldn’t hold back the shaky breath that escaped him as Zuko squeezed back and grabbed his forearm with his other hand. Maybe this was going to be easier than he thought.

Zuko remained glued to his side for the next few hours. Seemingly the more they drank, the closer they got until Sokka found himself backed into a wall with Zuko latching onto his waist and pressing his nose in the dip where his neck met his shoulder. Not that Sokka had any complaints, because he most definitely didn’t. He just tightened the arm that was draped across Zuko’s shoulders and smiled down at his cup. Teo’s flat had filled out by now, guests all at various levels of inebriation. Smoke was tickling Sokka’s nose. His eyelids felt heavy and his chest felt warm and his head was the perfect amount of floaty and Zuko was burrowing himself deeper into Sokka’s hold and wow, this was great. Sokka felt great. They weren’t speaking much, but Sokka didn’t have a care in the world because this was all he could have asked for. Whatever else Suki and Toph had in plan hadn’t been set into motion yet, but Sokka couldn’t even begin to think of how they planned to improve on this.

But, speak of the devil and he doth appear because soon he found himself dragged to the beer pong table, with Zuko stumbling behind. Toph had somehow snagged the game and stood guard, grinning as Suki announced their arrival at the table. And before Sokka could even question what they were planning, he was standing across from Zuko with a ping pong ball in his hand. Zuko had a malicious grin on his face and Sokka felt his stomach flip because _god, _could this guy get any cuter?

“I’m gonna crush you,” Zuko taunted with a smug smile, gripping his own ping pong ball in a fist.

Sokka grinned. “Bring it, sweetheart.”

Sokka smirked at the near missable falter in Zuko’s expression. Sokka had first toss; he lined up his shot and threw, landing it right in the middle of the first cup, lifting his chin as it fell straight in without touching the sides. Zuko’s eyes widened.

“Hit me with your best shot, _Zuko_,” he leered, leaning forward on the table to watch Zuko pick up the cup and down its contents. “I don’t want you to go easy on me.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Zuko grumbled back, but there was none of the bite that Sokka had come to expect.

Zuko took his shot and landed one in the cup closest to Sokka’s right hand, eyes flared a fraction as it rolled around the top before falling in. Sokka huffed and picked up the cup, grabbed the ball, and tipped it back. His face scrunched up at the burn running down his throat. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to play with spirits? Toph, probably.

The game progressed and soon Sokka was leaning more heavily on the table. His legs were starting to feel like jelly, but who really cares because Zuko looked to be in a similar state, with a heft grin pushing at his alcohol-flushed cheeks. It suited him; it really did. Happiness suited him. Smiling suited him. Laughing suited him. Toph grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him as she shouted praise suited him. Love suited him, Sokka thought, and he would be damned if he didn’t drown Zuko in it by the end of the night.

When their game had wrapped up, Sokka was feeling sufficiently drunk. Zuko had stumbled his way back into Sokka’s arms and buried his face against his chest. Sokka was almost positive that Zuko would be able to hear his pounding heart but he couldn’t bring himself to care because _he_ could feel Zuko smiling against his chest and that was a sure-fire way of wiping out any insecurity he felt.

Sokka found himself leaning against the railing of Teo’s balcony, staring out over the city with Zuko’s head against his shoulder, a cigarette between his lips. Sokka’s eyes were bleary but he couldn’t bring himself to care, much less blink them back to focus. Zuko let out a puff of smoke and Sokka’s head swum in the best possible way. His body was so warm and relaxed and god, if this was what it would be like if he dated Zuko, he didn’t know why it took him this long. They exchanged small talk and laughed and leant up against each other and Sokka was over the moon. There was an addictive flutter in his stomach whenever Zuko even brushed up against him. Sokka felt himself reaching out and touching just to chase it and Zuko took it in stride, leaning into it and reciprocating. It was easy and it was fun and Sokka was sure this was the best thing to happen to him in a long time.

A flurry of rousing voices from inside caught his attention. Sokka looked down at his watch and saw it was merely two minutes until midnight. He couldn’t keep track of how long it had been since they stepped outside to get some fresh air, but Sokka couldn’t bring himself to care. Zuko had snubbed out his smoke and turned to the sliding door to go inside, but not before he looked back at Sokka and smiled, his hand outstretched in front of him. Sokka didn’t think twice and grabbed his hand, allowing himself to be pulled back into the apartment. They trailed their way to where Toph and Suki were, standing back behind the crowd of people surrounding the tv. Sokka caught a glimpse of a countdown and grinned. God, this was going to be loud.

Zuko dropped his hand and grabbed at Toph, pulling her to the side, giggling as they exchanged heated whispers. Sokka found himself smiling at the pair as he leant back against the wall. Suki fell next to him and gave him a lazy smile. _Definitely drunk, _Sokka thought as he smiled back.

Suki’s head rested against his shoulder as she drawled, “You’re so in love with him, it hurts.”

Sokka huffed, but felt his stomach flip, nonetheless. “Yeah, you’re right. Thank you for the help.”

He rested his head against hers.

“Mmm,” she hummed, smiling down at the cup she was twirling around. “Don’t waste it. You gotta seal the deal and kiss him stupid, alright?”

Sokka bit back a laugh. “You know it.”

Before he knew it, there was an uproar of shouting, and the 30-second count down begun. Zuko was suddenly back at his side, smiling up at him with the most hopeful expression Sokka’s ever been blessed to witness. Suki giggled at his side and pushed herself away, grabbing Toph and leading her into the crowd of people.

Sokka focus back on Zuko and the whole party melted away in the background. The yelling was getting more and more rambunctious but Sokka’s attention was tunnelling and all he could hear was Zuko’s soft breath as they edge closer and closer. All he could feel was Zuko pressed up against him, hands brushing gently over Sokka’s jaw. All he could smell was vanilla and smoke and whiskey and it was intoxicating. Sokka’s head was spinning in the most euphoric way and _wow, _he was so, so in love.

He felt Zuko’s soft lips against his before he even heard the muffled, “3, 2, 1,” in the background. Sokka couldn’t hold back the groan that pushed past his lips and Zuko edged his mouth open.

As soon as their tongues met between them, all the hairs on Sokka’s body stood on edge. His nerves were firing off and his whole body felt like it was on fire but Zuko was sighing against his mouth and tangling his fingers in Sokka’s hair. Everything blurred out of existence as his hands gripped tighter around Zuko’s waist. His mind was a constant loop of _I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. _

And then Zuko was nibbling on his bottom lip and Sokka swore his knees were going to give out if he didn’t reel himself in. Sokka felt a shiver run up his spine as he pulled away, heart skipping a beat as Zuko whined at the loss of contact.

Sokka rested his forehead against Zuko’s and smiled as he fumbled out, “I love you so, so much.”

Zuko’s eyes fluttered shut and he grinned and then he kissed Sokka again and it was okay. Everything was okay. Sokka was okay and Zuko was okay and he didn’t even have to reply because Sokka could feel the emotion poured into each and every one of Zuko’s touches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and wtf??? over 100 comments????? youre all incredible and the love i have is crazy thank you so much!!!!  
keep it coming friends feedback makes my heart stop <<<<<<<333333333


	23. twenty three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im back from the dead. have a longish chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowzers this was a lot to write

**TWENTY THREE**

* * *

Sokka woke up in a sweat. His left arm was numb beside him. A soft groan left his lips as he stretched, freezing when he felt a dead weight against his chest. _What the hell?_ Sokka struggled to open his eyes, blinking to focus. He looked down at a crest of soft, black hair buried into his neck. Suddenly, Sokka was warm for a completely different reason. His stomach fluttered and he knew it was because of the memories of the night before pouring back into the forefront of his mind instead of the hangover steadily creeping through him. The arm thrown over his waist tightened and Sokka swore he saw stars as he closed his eyes again.

Zuko hummed, raspy, eyelashes tickling the crook of Sokka’s neck as he blinked them open. Sokka smiled and trailed his fingers along Zuko’s spine, settling in his hair. A shiver tweaked at the base of Sokka’s back as he felt Zuko puff out a breath of air against him.

“Goo’ mornin’,” Zuko murmured, muffled as he pushed himself further into Sokka’s hold.

“Good morning,” he whispered back.

Sokka’s skin set alight as Zuko’s fingers brushed the bare skin of his hip, where his shirt had hiked up overnight. Rough, but warm. Sokka sighed, a smile curling his lips ever so soft, reminiscing as his memories became hazier and hazier. The point after midnight was so blurred, Sokka barely remembered pressing Zuko against the wall of the elevator on their way out from Teo’s. He barely remembered pulling Zuko into his lap as Sokka sat on the curb, his delicate fingers twisting in Sokka’s hair. He barely remembered fumbling with their lock while Zuko’s hot breath dusted against the back of his neck. But he remembered the electricity he felt in his arms as he held Zuko flush against him. He remembered the way his lungs felt tight as they kissed each other breathless, waiting for their taxi. He remembered the way Zuko’s nails felt as they raked down his back, further impairing him from his struggle with their locked door.

“‘M so warm,” Zuko groaned, his tongue flicking against Sokka’s collar bone upon darting out to wet his chapped lips. “What time is it?”

Sokka used his free arm to rub his closed eyes before blindly reaching for his phone. He clicked it on and cringed at his bright screen. Willing his eyes to focus, Sokka squinted at the time stamp before trailing down to a mass of unread text notifications. He sighed and propped himself of his elbow, nudging Zuko out of his hiding spot, earning another whine.

“What is it?” Zuko asked quietly, audibly swallowing to moisten a similar dry throat.

Sokka unlocked his phone and scrolled through his recent messages; a happy new year from Hakoda, a photo of fireworks from gran-gran, a mix of key smashing and half legible words from Aang, a message of encouragement from Suki, paired with a wink, and about 12 messages of varied emotion from Katara. Sokka sighed and clicked his conversation with her, scanning through the messages. It started fairly simple, she asked how his night was going, sent a photo or two of Aang looking beyond drunk (Sokka definitely didn’t save these and he definitely didn’t plan on using them for blackmail), before the caps lock shouting began.

_dumbass asshole  
_SUKI SENT ME PHOTOS  
(11:23 pm)

SOOKKA ANSWER UR PHONE WHY DID I GET PICS OF YOU SWAPPING SPIT W ZUKO  
(11:37 pm)

MOTHER FUCKED YOU BETTER CAL ME TOMORROW  
also hny bitch!!! the best big brother <3  
(11:52 pm)

Sokka huffed a laugh.

“What is it? What’s funny?” Zuko repeated, leaning up on his elbows as he tried to get a look at Sokka’s phone.

He held it away with a grin and opened his camera app.

“Smile,” Sokka teased, snapping a picture of Zuko in all his glory; mussed up sleep hair, shirt half ridden up, a dazed expression, and a collection of fresh bruises lining his jaw.

Sokka sent the picture to Katara before switching off his phone and flopping back on his bed. Zuko stared down at him with owlish eyes, mouth hanging open ever so slightly. Sokka couldn’t help but bite his lip to quell his grin and reached out to trace along his handy work on Zuko’s jaw.

“Must have gotten a bit carried away,” Sokka crooned, training his stare at the way Zuko’s eyes fluttered shut as he pressed his fingers into a particularly big bruise. “Sorry.”

Zuko’s lips quirked into a half-smile as he leant into Sokka’s touch. “‘S fine, I got you back pretty good.”

Sokka furrowed his eyebrows before attempting to look down at his own neck. Ignoring Zuko’s laugh, Sokka pushed himself out of bed and stumbled over to the mirror hanging on the back of his door. His legs ached from how he slept, neck stiff as he craned his head. Sokka’s eyes flared slightly at his own reflection.

Red bite marks mottled his neck, dipping down to cross his collar bones. Sokka’s eyes met with Zuko’s through the mirror and Zuko brought his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Wow,” Zuko sighed, puffing out a breath. “To think we were only making out.”

Sokka stifled a laugh in his fist and turned back around. He sat back down on the bed, his skin flashing hot as Zuko’s arm came around his shoulder and ran down his chest. Sokka leaned into the touch, letting his eyes fall closed. He couldn’t think of a better way to spend his time. Zuko was happy and touching him and Sokka knew with 100% certainty that Zuko liked him and…

Sokka sighed, not being able to hold back his smile any longer. Everything felt like it had gone full circle. All of his struggle and fight and the choking feeling he got when Zuko looked at him was gone. Instead, he was comfortable. He was content. It was freezing outside, but he was warm. They hadn’t talked about what was going to happen after this, what would come next, but Sokka didn’t think he minded all that much. Whatever outcome happened, it would be okay, because he got to enjoy this. He got to relish in Zuko’s love and affection, and he let himself be swept away in his soft scent and calloused hands and warm body that radiated a ridiculous amount of heat. Whatever happened next, it was fine. It would be fine. If Zuko accepted his proposition of a relationship, great, perfect. If Zuko turned around the next day and said he hated Sokka, that was fine too. Not ideal, but it was fine because Sokka’s insatiable itch to experience _anything _with Zuko was being scratched and it was more than he could have ever hoped so. Sokka didn’t think that was going to happen though. Because Zuko was leaving soft kisses against his hairline and his fingers were brushing every inch of skin not covered by Sokka’s clothes like he just. couldn’t. get. enough. And Sokka knew exactly how he felt. He knew how desperate Zuko felt for this type of affection. He understood how rare and easy this was for him.

Sokka found himself wondering just how far he’d bend over for Zuko. How far would he go? How much would he do to just be able to look upon him? What would he give to hold him, even for just one second? Sokka thought it was infinite. He _knew _it was infinite. Sokka was almost 99% certain that he would give just about anything to keep that soft, infatuated smile on Zuko’s face. He would give his soul to hear Zuko’s mellow, dulcet laugh as they swapped small talk, laying together in Sokka’s shitty single bed, wrapped up in each other, wasting away the day.

“Hey,” Zuko had whispered, sometime after they’d finished talking about all of the weird bugs Sokka used to catch when he was younger.

Sokka hummed, leaning into the fingers tracing down his temple. “Yeah?”

“As comfortable as I am,” Zuko began, biting back a smile. He dropped his lips right near Sokka’s ear, “I am absolutely starving.”

Sokka huffed a laugh and rolled to his side, wedging his head into Zuko’s neck. He smiled against the heated skin when he felt an arm drape across his shoulder.

“I’m pretty hungry too,” he mused, bordering on a whisper.

“Wanna make me something?” Zuko asked, dragging his nails across Sokka’s scalp, such a tender touch that it made his stomach flip.

Sokka rolled his eyes. “God, you’re so needy Zuko,” he teased with a grin.

But when Zuko tensed up and his hand stilled, Sokka’s heart stuttered in his chest. He pulled away just in time to catch a glimpse of consternation flash through Zuko’s eyes. Sokka blinked, the lazy smile on his lips dropping into a frown.

“I didn’t mean that,” Sokka breathed out, shifting a few loose strands of hair behind Zuko’s ear.

Zuko’s eyes flitted down. “Sorry,” he whispered back, a frown pinching his face.

“Don’t apologise, Zuko, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Sokka rushed, feeling an all too familiar death grip wrapping around his throat. “I should’ve thought about what I was saying.”

Zuko pursed his lips before straining a smile that made Sokka’s stomach drop. Sokka could feel Zuko chewing the inside of his cheek before he saw it.

“I was just being stupid. Don’t worry,” Zuko replied quietly, an edge to his voice that most certainly wasn’t there before. Sokka throat was screaming.

He tilted Zuko’s face up before leaning forward and pressing a feather-light kiss to his lips. He felt Zuko sigh against him, relaxing into the feeling, the tension in his shoulders melting away as he wrapped a hand around the back of Sokka’s neck.

Sokka knew this wasn’t going to be easy. He knew he wouldn’t have the liberty to crack jokes at Zuko’s expense, especially when it came to relationships. He knew Zuko’s track record in that respect was not ideal. The only problem with this was Sokka’s bizarre inability to hold his tongue. He knew it was something that he would have to keep in the forefront of his mind, _don’t say anything stupid, don’t make fun of how he does things, don’t give him shit for the way he acts in a relationship, don’t, don’t, don’t… _

“Stop worrying,” Zuko mumbled, breaking the kiss and leaning his forehead against Sokka’s. “I’m not made of glass.”

Sokka frowned. “I know you’re not. I just… I don’t want to hurt you.”

Zuko gave him a watery smile. “Then you’re already doing better than everyone else.”

Sokka ignored the clench in his stomach and returned the gesture. He held tighter to the hair behind Zuko’s ear. His head spun when he kissed Zuko again. His arms felt light where they were wrapped around Zuko.

Sokka could have easily spent the entire morning kissing Zuko. He could very easily spend his entire life doing so. It was maddening, just how exhilarating it was. Just how positively swept up he got. Everything about Zuko made him weak at the knees. Made his breath short, his chest ache, his stomach flutter. Everything he did left Sokka a grinning, love-struck fool, even the bad stuff. Even the times when Zuko would argue with him just to pick fights, just to test whether he’d stay. Even when Zuko shut down and didn’t talk to him. It was fine because Sokka loved him. Everything was okay because now Sokka could hold him and touch him and kiss him and talk to him about anything that was on his mind. Sokka could share his feelings, didn’t have to bottle them up any longer. Their relationship, whatever it was, would be perfect, _was _perfect, despite all of its flaws.

Sokka could spend a lifetime listening to the soft noises Zuko hummed against his mouth. He could spend a lifetime sustained just by the feeling of Zuko’s fingers in his hair, the feeling of his body pressed against Sokka’s own. It was mind-blowing. Sokka spent his time tossing up between a fire underneath his skin to the numbness in wake of his touch. It was perfectly imperfect and Sokka wouldn’t change a thing.

Except now, his stomach was rumbling and Zuko was giggling against his lips, unable to quell a smile.

“We should probably go get some food, hey?” Sokka whispered, dragging his eyes open languidly.

Zuko smiled and sat upright, stretching his arms above his head. Sokka grinned and reached over to poke his stomach, earning a shriek and a slap, before sitting up himself and tugging on his nearest pair of clean socks. Their dorm was still freezing, despite all of Zuko’s space heating efforts. Sokka made his way to the kitchen, stretching his arms and neck as he went, _curse that stupid bed. _

He started on the makings of an omelette as Zuko rounded the corner from their bathroom. Sokka’s heart stuttered, stopped then raced as he noticed a familiar dark navy hoodie swallowing across Zuko’s chest. It was his own. And yeah, granted, Zuko had worn his clothes thousands of times before, but yeah, definitely, Sokka was going to swoon at the sight every single time. It was adorable.

“You look cute in my clothes,” Sokka said, delighted by the way Zuko’s cheeks flushed in response.

He sat down at one of the bar stools lining their counter. “They smell like you,” he mumbled, face cast downwards, “it’s comforting.”

Sokka wheezed, turning around and leaning his weight on the counter, because _holy fucking shit, Zuko was the cutest, most incredible person in the world. _

“Are you okay?” Zuko asked incredulously, curiosity piquing his brow to furrow.

Sokka turned back around and smiled because fuck it who cares if he’s embarrassed? Why not show Zuko just how much he loved him?

“I’m great, perfect.” Zuko smiled back. “I just… you’re very cute. It like… hurts sometimes.”

Zuko snorted before his eyes flew wide and he covered his mouth. Sokka couldn’t help but laugh in return. They continued to chat idly while Sokka made breakfast, teasing and complimenting and everything was going so well that Sokka was beginning to question when it would all go to shit. Because that’s exactly what would happen, right? If the past few months of his life were anything to go off of, this wouldn’t last long. The easiness wouldn’t last long. It couldn’t. Sooner or later, he’d say something stupid, off-handed, unintentional, and Zuko would get upset or angry or whatever, and no amount of kissing or loving or compliments was going to get him back. He’d want to move out again and he’d shut down and he’d leave and never come back. It was inevitable.

No matter what Sokka did, no matter how many firewalls he put in place, it would be thrown back in due time. He was used to it. He used to think he would marry Suki, that he’d spend the rest of his life loving her and wanting to be with her, and although nothing between them ended very bitterly, it doesn’t change the fact that it ended. He devoted so much time to her, so much energy and love, and even she stopped loving him. She had enough and she decided that Sokka wasn’t what she wanted anymore. He didn’t blame her, of course, he had done the same thing. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. That doesn’t mean he didn’t find himself standing numb in the shower, tears mixing with the searing hot water as a thousand questions ran through his mind; _am I good enough? Was I good enough? Did she even love me? _

The same thing would happen with Zuko, Sokka was sure of it. It was a looming thought in the back of his mind and no matter how much fun he was having even just cooking an omelette with him, Zuko was going to stop loving him. Surely. That’s how it worked. That’s how all of it worked. No matter how perfect Aang and Katara were for each other, they’d break up someday. No matter how much Hakoda loved Kya, he was going to move on, find someone else. No matter how many times Sokka thought of marrying Suki, spending the rest of his life with her, he found someone else. And it would happen again. As far as Zuko is concerned, he already did. He told Sokka he liked him and flirted with someone else, kissed someone else, fucked someone else, loved someone else.

So when they stopped washing dishes to kiss each other stupid, and Sokka’s phone rang, he wasn’t very surprised when Zuko froze up upon seeing a heart next to Suki’s name. He wasn’t very surprised when Zuko pushed him away and cursed him out and yelled and threw things and stormed out and slammed the door.

He wasn’t surprised, but it hurt. It hurt a lot.


	24. twenty four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is it, friends. this is the end.

**TWENTY FOUR**

* * *

It was raining. Hard. Sokka had dragged a dining chair to the window near their kitchen. He sat in front of it for what seemed like hours, mindlessly trailing the raindrops that rolled down the glass. He didn’t know what time it was, nor did he particularly care. Zuko was still gone. Sokka didn’t know where he went, when he’d be back, if he was okay…

His jacket was still hanging by the front door. His scarf was still strung up in a ball on their coffee table from where he’d thrown it after the night before. Everything was still in its place and it hurt. It made Sokka hurt.

It was playing over and over in his head; the flashing change of emotion behind Zuko’s eyes, the frown etched between his brow, the downward tug of his lips, teeth snaring from behind. It burned behind his eyes. The desperation; Sokka could read that. It was in the glassiness of Zuko’s stare. The indignation: he kept looking between the name on the screen and Sokka, like he was searching, just waiting to be told _it’s not what you think. _But the shove to Sokka’s chest told them both that Zuko wasn’t going to wait around to hear it, no matter how much he wanted to.

_“I won’t wait for shit, asshole. You ruin everything! Everything!” _

Their apartment still smelt like breakfast. The dishes were still left half done in a sink full of water that was most surely cold by now. How long was he sitting here for?

He doesn’t remember taking a shower. He doesn’t remember getting dressed again. He doesn’t remember Haru messaging him about their next lab or Katara’s overemotional response to the photo he sent.

_The photo. _Zuko. He’s gone. He left.

Sokka’s bottom lip wobbled as he stared down at the road below him. He balled up the hoodie sleeves around his fists and rubbed his eyes raw. _Stop crying. _

_ “Just get the fuck out of my sight! See if I care!”_

Sokka was freezing. He had clothes covering all inches of skin, two blankets, his stupid, shitty space heater. He was freezing. Every limb was chilled to the bone. His stomach felt empty even though he knew it wasn’t. His head was foggy and heavy and at this point, his hangover wasn’t even felt, he was just… numb.

_“You can’t just do shit like this, you fucking idiot! Stop throwing things at me!”_

Zuko was gone. Zuko left. _Stop crying._

He didn’t answer his phone. He didn’t respond to Sokka’s texts. He was gone. Sokka tried to call Toph. Maybe she knew where he was? Or maybe Zuko would reply to her?

No luck. She told Sokka she went straight to voice mail before asking what had happened. He couldn’t tell her. He hung up as soon as she asked. Who cares anyway? Zuko was gone, what’s one more?

The window was fogging now. Sokka knew it was warm, where he was sitting. He knew it and he could feel it, but it was whisper soft. His fingertips were numb.

He turned his phone on silent after she tried to call him back for the fourth time. It wasn’t like Zuko would call him anyway.

Sokka tried to do some school work, he really did. But the words in front of him kept blurring out and his pen ink was smeared out by every teardrop he didn’t even know he was letting fall. His laptop died halfway through a video he was required to watch for his Maths 1 class, but he didn’t get up to get his charger. He didn’t care. He stared at his reflection in the black screen. Of course.

He walked around their dorm aimlessly. He ran his fingers along their suede couch. So much happened there. Zuko loved this couch; even if it was shitty and old, he loved it.

Sokka traced the wall beside Zuko’s door. Jet. Jet and Zuko. Jet hurt Zuko. Zuko’s probably there now. Not with him. With Jet. Zuko would be with Jet and Jet would be touching him. Sokka wanted to vomit. 

He felt his stomach flip, but he couldn’t bring himself to react further. He couldn’t bring out his phone and call again. He couldn’t even cry. It just… hurt.

It hurt that despite everything, Zuko still treasured Jet, still cared about him, still loved him. It hurt but Sokka couldn’t even bring himself to react anymore. It was just… fact. He accepted it. Nothing would change it. All he could do was accept it. No amount of love Sokka could give would make Zuko forget about Jet.

Sokka was sitting by the window again when the door opened. He didn’t turn around. He didn’t care who it was. He didn’t care if it was Suki or Toph, coming over to pry answers out of him, he didn’t care if it was Jet, coming over to rip him to pieces, he didn’t care if it was Zuko. He focused on the leaves of the trees lining the road, bristling in the wind and rain. His fingers were numb as they gripped at the blankets around him. Who cares? So what if it was Zuko? It didn’t mean anything. They would just make up and things would be okay for a little bit and Sokka would let himself be fooled by this false sense of security and then something would happen, and they’d fight again, and he’d hurt Zuko and Zuko would leave and Sokka would be right back where he was.

When two arms wrapped around the back of Sokka, squeezing tight to his chest, he froze. His muscles ached where they tensed. It felt good. The arms were warm. Sokka closed his eyes. He sighed.

“I’m sorry,” was mumbled into his hair and Sokka wanted to cry again.

He turned around in his chair, jostling the hold around him. Zuko stood with his head hanging down, wringing his hands, as he shifted on his feet. Sokka’s eye twitched.

“Don’t,” he whispered, his eyes stinging with hot tears. 

Zuko’s head snapped up, his expression falling from sorrow and remorse to confusion. His eyes were just as glassy, his cheeks just as red. Sokka looked away.

“Sokka, I shouldn’t have left. I’m sorry.”

Sokka shook his head and clenched his eyes shut, silently willing away the tears. He was sick of crying. He was sick of moping. He was sick of the back and forth. He was tired. He wanted to sleep.

There was a monsoon of emotions running through his head. Relief, rage, love, hate. His hands curled into fists. Anger. He knew what that was.

He ran with it.

“What the fuck do you want?” His voice was hoarse. Desensitised. Was it even him who spoke?

“Let me apologise,” Zuko snapped through gritted teeth. 

Sokka lifted his head to glare, a crude expression. It set Zuko off.

“I’m sorry, okay?” He raised his voice. “How am I supposed to feel when I see your _ex-girlfriend _with a heart next to her name? You tell me you love me, and you have shit like _that _saved in your phone! Of course, I’m going to get upset! Yeah, I shouldn’t have left, I shouldn’t have freaked out, I should have let you explain yourself, but… but…”

Sokka stood up in an instant, the chair screeching back after hitting his knees. He opened his mouth to shout back, defend himself, argue to all hell, but Zuko flinched back. Zuko threw his arms over his face. Zuko shrunk away. Zuko screwed his eyes shut. Sokka froze.

No. No, he wouldn’t. Never. No.

After a beat of inaction, Zuko’s eyes blinked open, hesitantly peering through his defences. He was scared. Sokka could see that. He was scared too.

“Zuko—”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

He was going to cry. Sokka could tell. Zuko was blinking rapidly, his bottom lip was trembling between his teeth. Sokka looked away.

“Please stop apologising,” Sokka murmured.

Zuko huffed, a straining whine catching on his exhale. “I can’t do this.”

Sokka’s heart strained. He closed his eyes. “But—”

“No, I—” Zuko was cut off by a frustrated whimper. Sokka looked up to meet his gaze. Zuko swallowed hard before whispering, “I can’t love you, Sokka. I don’t know how.”

Sokka let out a pitiful laugh and dropped his head.

“What? Why are you laughing?” Zuko’s voice was strained. He took a step closer to Sokka, head tilting, searching for an explanation.

“That doesn’t make sense Zuko,” Sokka sighed, lifting his gaze to meet Zuko’s frantic expression.

“I—It’s true! I just—”

“Zuko…”

Zuko squinted, anger contorting his features, and Sokka held his breath. “Just let me fucking talk, okay? Let me at least _try _to explain myself, you piece—”

“Alright, alright,” Sokka groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just stop insulting me, goddamnit.”

Zuko flushed as he took a sharp inhale. Sokka could see the tremble in his hands. He wanted to hold them, he wanted to reassure Zuko back to a state of calm, he wanted to feel the warmth Zuko always radiated.

He didn’t.

“I—I know I—” Zuko swallowed hard. “I know I love you. I’ve known for a while, I just… I can’t like, I can’t express how I feel? I’ve never been able to.”

Sokka furrowed his brow but nodded. Zuko blinked and huffed.

“I started… I’m seeing a therapist.”

Sokka’s eyes widened. _What? Since when?_

“So I’m not… I’m not all that good at this yet, okay? I’ve got a lot more going on than I thought but… I’m not—I’m—I don’t—” Zuko cringed, a strangled exhale. “It isn’t an excuse. I love you. I know I do. I just can’t… I can’t show you that. I don’t know how. My dad messed me up more than I thought. I’m scared. I’m scared of all of this.”

“Zuko—”

Zuko held his hand up, _god he was shaking so violently. _“I have to… please?”

Sokka didn’t reply. Zuko continued, “It’s not just… it’s not just you. I don’t know how to, like, express my feelings to people, _anyone. _I never wanted to admit it, even to myself, because it… it makes me feel like my dad.”

“You’re—”

“He was the same,” Zuko continued, interrupting Sokka’s _desperation, you’re not like him Zuko, you’re not evil, you’re—_

“He never loved me. I can accept that. But I don’t think he ever loved Azula either. He never loved my uncle. I don’t think he knew how. The only reason he did all of this,” Zuko’s hands flew around, gesturing to nothing and everything, “was because he felt like he had to. Marriage, kids, it’s what everyone else was doing.”

Zuko took a deep breath. “I’m the same. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be happy with someone and show them that. I know I love you, and I—I know I… love Jet but…”

Sokka felt his stomach clench and closed his eyes. _Don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t. _

“I can’t show you that. I can’t do things or say things to make you believe it. And I know that just telling you isn’t enough. It isn’t enough for me, either.” He swallowed hard and lifted Sokka’s chin with quivering fingers. Sokka’s eyes opened slowly, taking in the muddled concoction of conflicting emotion behind Zuko’s features. “It’s not fair. It wouldn’t be fair… to expect these things from you and not be able to return them myself. So I can’t. I can’t be with you as much as both of us want this. I can’t do that to you, I’m not normal enough.”

“Okay, stop. That’s enough,” Sokka snapped, and Zuko’s expression fell to one of unbridled, gut-wrenching anxiety. Sokka knew exactly how he felt. “None of that matters to me, Zuko.”

“W—What? Sokka, I’m not going to argue about this, it isn’t—”

“You don’t get to tell me how to love you.” Zuko snapped his mouth shut and frowned. “I know who you are. I know what you’re like. I still fell in love with you. You might not be able to do this right now, but you’re trying. That’s what matters. That’s why I love you. I don’t care if you can’t show me how you feel just yet, because you _will_ be able to.”

Zuko’s bottom lip wobbled. He stared up at Sokka with wide, hopeful eyes.

“Your dad doesn’t define you. Your trying is proof of that. I loved you this whole time, knowing that you couldn’t give me the same thing, not yet at least. That’s okay, because you don’t have to know how to. It’s a miracle how far you’ve gotten just in the time that I’ve known you. I’m proud of you, Zuko, I’m proud of everything about you.”

Zuko choked on a sob, leaning forward so his head fell against Sokka’s chest. Sokka let out a watery smile and dropped his blankets, opting to wrap his arms around Zuko’s shivering shoulders.

“I’ll love you all through this process. I’ll be there for you and support you this whole time. I’ve got my own problems. I know what it’s like. I know how hard it is sometimes. Just… let me be there for you, okay? If you want to talk, if you don’t… I’ll leave you alone when you want, I’ll hug you when you want. Just let me love you, okay? I’ll do it for both of us until you can do your part, okay?”

Zuko’s tears were wetting his shirt, but he didn’t care. Zuko’s nails were digging into his back where he held on to Sokka for dear life, but he didn’t care. Because through his wracking sobs, Zuko was smiling.

He could feel the tugging of his cheeks against his chest and he knew this was all going to work out. Zuko wasn’t okay, and he wouldn’t be for some time, but it was going to work out. Because they loved each other and Sokka wouldn’t dream of stopping. He wouldn’t dream of leaving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats a wrap my dudes. last chapter ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚
> 
> bUT i have an epilogue planned that will be completely 100% happy fuzzy lovey so keep a look out for that!! 
> 
> thank you all for all of the support and love for this story, it got a lot further than i thought i would. im thankful for all of those who commented and left kudos, you're all great!!!! i loved hearing all of your theories on what was happening/going on etc. 
> 
> and i know i left the whole situation with jet unresolved, because i didn't know personally how one would just like... end that. it wouldn't be a short term thing that would go away stress-free, so i didn't feel like i could do it justice by just like... ending it out of the blue. it would be something that would take months at least to resolve and i just dont have the platform for it. i hope everyone understands!! i know how frustrating it is. 
> 
> SO ONCE AGain thank you all!!!!!! im glad you enjoyed this shitty mush my mind came up with. thank you for giving me a platform to evolve as a writer, it means the world. 
> 
> (check out my other story that im writing at the moment if you want, 'i'm your one call away'. its not zukka or atla related but idk, you might like if you watch haikyuu!!) 
> 
> ( ˘ ³˘)♥


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